The Narcissist Manager and Corporate Mental Health

Introduction

In this article I want to examine what motivates a narcissist to behave as they do and how they can create a pressured and stressful work environment for their colleagues and team. I will also examine what drives us as human beings to work to the point of exhaustion, burnout and other mental health challenges.

The Narcissist Amongst us

When we have trouble with colleagues in the workplace and discover that they are exhibiting narcissist traits there is always a sense of excitement, that we have uncovered some form of living mythical beast. There is excitement and an inevitable sharing with other colleagues and friends that we trust. There is something liberating and powerful about being able to label behaviours. It is similar in my emotional intelligence and personality training workshops; when I introduce certain types, trainees excitedly point out that they are narcissist behaviours and ‘they used to or do work with someone like that’. There is solace in labelling and sharing. It is akin to journaling- it gets it out of your head to a degree. But it is not the full picture.

Narcissist as the Corporate Star Employee

The truth is that individuals exhibiting narcissist behaviours are often the lifeblood of corporations. I appreciate this might be a difficult one to swallow. But on the most benign level, any of us that have reached some level of success and promotion in corporate life, will have had to use control, self-interest and image management to some degree. The more personal development work I do, especially focus on my personality structure, I realise there is an unconscious narcissist in my shadow.

Those individuals that take narcissism to another level (that is with an imbalanced personality), are often the individuals that are awarded for reaching exhausting targets, topping the billing charts and using their direct reports as dispensable human capital. The short-term gain is billable hours and budgetary targets met. The short to long term cost is an erosion of trust and an increase in debilitating ?stress and anxiety. Further, teamwork disintegrates from healthy interdependencies to individuals within a group that aim to survive and not pursue a positive purpose.

Dealing with a Narcissist.

When dealing with a narcissist I believe we should aim for developing a genuine empathy and not just seek solace. By empathy, I do not mean pity or even some form of emotional compassion; just a true understanding of how the narcissist sees the world and why. We need to develop an understanding of the motivations for their behaviour and where they got the motivations in the first place. Empathy in this case, is not about the narcissist, it is about our wellbeing and personal effectiveness. There is something incredibly cathartic ?about having that level of knowledge. You no longer take the actions of the narcissist personally and can make rational (non-emotional) decisions on how to communicate and behave around them.

Different Types of Narcissists

The first step in developing empathy for anyone is education and specifically educating yourself about personality types and their specific behaviours. For the purposes of this article, I want to examine 3 specific personality types that will hopefully broaden your view on what a narcissist is and why they act like they do.

Narcissist 1 (N1): ‘I AM MY JOB; MY JOB IS I’

N1 is the success orientated individual. They are concerned with being and appearing successful in their chosen field- to be the best. They are generally positive people and like to assist you in being the most successful version of yourself. They are high performance machines. N1 will always make huge efforts to maintain their successful image, regardless of whether it is has substance or not. They will react negatively to failure or their success image being tarnished. N1’s relationship with empathy is a complicated one- they are naturally emotionally intelligent; however, empathy is used to extract what they want from others- generally reaching personal goals or to present whatever successful image is pleasing to the recipient.

They are the living embodiment of modern corporate culture. If you happen to trigger an N1 by showing their performance up to be anything less that the best and successful, it will be particularly painful for them. It will most likely ignite their anger, causing ?ultra-competitive and hostile practices, like working team members to the point of exhaustion and disregarding any personal needs that might get in the way of successfully completed goals.

Narcissist 2 (N2): ‘I WOULD EAT MYSELF IF MADE OF CHOCOLATE’

N2 is the fast talking and thinking raconteur. They are excellent at keeping the spirits up and there is a certain levity in everything they do. There is an idyllic tone to everything they talk about and describe in their life- everything is tainted with idealisation. They are self-referencing, meaning their attention and communications will always be inward focused- in basic terms, they focus their attention on themselves as a starting point. Much of what the do is characterised by a lack of empathy.

They maintain a positive and upbeat disposition by doing exciting things, making exciting plans or simply thinking about fun and positive ventures from the past and future. ?They do not like to be limited in anything they are doing, and always aim to keep their options open. If any limits are placed on them, they won’t so much as directly rebel or say no but they will either disarm you with charm and chicanery or bypass you if you unduly limit them. It is this indirect way of dealing with authority or anyone that might limit them that causes most confusion and difficulties.

When leading, N2 is exquisite at helping direct reports dream and create ambitious goals, however very often the follow through and support is missing. When the excitement of inspiring and brainstorming is gone, they will find installing a supportive structure and process boring. The result is often a junior team member that is left a drift at sea- having to navigate their corporate structure unaided. If this leads to the junior team member stepping on the N2’s toes, by going to other senior staff for guidance, the charismatic N2 can become hostile and acerbic.

Narcissist 3: ‘FEEL MY POWER-I AM SUPERIOR IN EVERY WAY’

N3 is the powerful straight talker. They are natural leaders and tend to be involved in a lot of conflict in their career until they reach the top or go it themselves. They are action orientated and like to be in control of their immediate physical environment and the people in their work orbit. Why an N3 likes to be in control is related to their discomfort with being vulnerable- with accepting, relating or communicating weakness. By retaining control- with aggression if necessary- there is no opportunity for others to make them look or feel weak. Empathy is something the N3 must work hard to improve.

When an N3 is trying to understand whether you will make them feel or look weak and vulnerable they can engage in behaviours that offend, intimidate and alienate others. ?They might poke your weak spot to see how you react. They might aggressively challenge you to see whether they can trust you; if you stand up and don’t show obvious emotion, look them in the eye and have direct communication they will trust and respect you. It is clear how these behaviours would have a devastating effect on junior team members’ confidence and mental health.

The Modern Law Firm and Mental Health

Many excellent articles have been written examining the Macbeth-like overriding ambition in commercial or corporate law firms. It has been recently prompted by the untimely death of a partner in a UK Law Firm. My condolences to the family of Vanessa Ford. I would invite you to read the articles of Catherine Sanz in the Business Post . Catherine presents various viewpoints on what personally drives employees in law firms to work to the point of exhaustion or worse; she also examines the drivers that cause senior legal staff and partners to force junior staff to work to health endangering levels. I have worked in financial services law for many years and I have chosen to work to the point of burnout, guided by my unconscious beliefs. Additionally, I have allowed my managers and leaders to set the unrealistic agenda, which led to many ‘Dark Nights of the Soul’.

What Motivates Individuals to work to Exhaustion?

I believe that the assertion that individuals are exclusively focused on money and this results in either working too much or causing others to work too much, is an oversimplification. The drive to earn more and more money is a symptom or effect. ?The root causes are interconnected version of the below:

1.??????? Unconscious Belief System

Depending on our personality type, the drive to earn money will satisfy some unconsciously held belief about the world. An example is ‘My worth is judged by my achievements’, ?or ‘I must be powerful, superior and in control’.

2.??????? The Habit Loop

Charles Duhigg, in his book ‘The Power of Habit’ presents the three components of a habit. They are 1. Trigger, 2. Routine/ Behaviour and 3. Reward. Dopamine is released when we experience a reward. If we apply this to ?law firm life, the promotional ladder is extremely modular and is designed to keep individuals striving for the unconscious reward of the next step up.

The billable hour is another example. I have personally felt the relief and exhilaration of having achieved my target billable hours early for a week. ?This is not a criticism of the system. I believe we need to be incentivised as human beings as it is the way our brain chemistry works. I have worked in legal positions that were hugely static without a clear progress path and maintaining motivation was a problem.

3.??????? A lack of balance.

I appreciate this is a cliched point but it is important. Is there time, presence or mental space to be able to examine your life meaningfully, when on an unconscious career conveyor belt? How is your career and finances? Will being an employee lead to some form of financial freedom? Do you have a social life outside of work? How are your relationships? Do you see your family? Are you present for your family or checking emails? How is your current health? How will your health be when you stop working 16-hour days? What about personal development? Have you grown outside of work specific skills? Do you volunteer? Take the focus off yourself and give back?

Conclusion

Modern corporates have much to do to deal meaningfully with work practices and related stress. The employees or cogs in the corporate wheel also have much to do to examine their deeply held unconscious beliefs and attitudes to working life.