Narcissism: When it Becomes Unhealthy
The Textbook Narcissist
In life you may meet people who fit the 'Narcissistic' trait. The favourite is the textbook Narcissist that most people can sense a mile away. They can display arrogance, be excessively self absorbed and not be concerned about hurting the feelings of others.
Whilst it would be great to say that everyone we encounter with these sorts of traits are "Narcissistic", it's also important not to throw the term around too loosely.
I recently joined a group on Facebook, where I was surprised that so many people who appear to have 'jerks' in their life - were actually confusing those jerks with Narcissists.
At the end of this article I have a checklist that I drew from 'Disarming the Narcissist' by Wendy T. Behary, which lists some points to check to see if that person may infact be a narcissist.
Confusing EGO with Narcissism
Is it easy to confuse ego with narcissism? Yes absolutely.
Just because Joan is posting selfies every day of herself, or posing on the camera doing wierd tik tok dances - doesn't make Joan a Narcissist. She may be a little bit self absorbed, but in this day and age of Social Media and needing to stand out - it's okay if you possess a bit of healthy narcissm.
These people may just be very confident in themselves, of their body and assertive in the way that they present. This type of Ego can be described as healthy Narcissm.
So back to Unhealthy Narcisssm
If you imagine the Character of Scar from 'The Lion King', he was extremely self absorbed. Some of his textbook Narcissistic traits include:
- Obsession with power
- Self Indulgent
- Brilliance
- Beauty
- Greed
- Jealousy
- Bitterness
- Unapologetic when putting others down
- Psychopathic
- Willingness to do anything to defeat the competition and be in control
- Emotionally detached
- Manipulative
- .... and the list goes on.
These types of Narcissistic traits are unhealthy riddled with gaslighting and manipulation.
So What is Healthy Narcissism
Healthy narcissism looks like having a positive self of self, and that aligns with serving for the greater good of others.
Healthy narcissism in adults contain aspects of assertiveness and self respect.
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For example, you may meet someone who displays confidence, and is unapologetic.
This person may enjoy and be fueled by recognition seeking, however not be dependent on receiving it. If others do not recognise them, they will not ask for approval.
This person is capable of empathy for others, have an understanding for what they are going through and recognise when to push.
This person may be charasmatic, engaging and interpersonal. They may interact well in crowds, be able to move between interactions seamlessly - however not appear arrogant.
They may also be confrontational, especially when holding others accountable for their actions, without displaying remorse.
When Narcissism Becomes Unhealthy
I have pulled this simple list that can help you understand if you have a narcissist in your life. When thinking about Narcissism, it is healthy when these characteristics are displayed in some occasion - however when they are displayed in excess it can become unhealthy.
Checklist to See if The Person In Your Life Is A Narcissist: As taken from the exercpt "Disarming the Narcissist" by Wendy T. Behary, LSCW
Check off only if these traits are expressed excessively. If you check off at least 10 of these traits, then it may be likely that the difficult person in your life meets the criteria for overt maladaptive narcissism.
- Self Absorbed
- Demeaning
- Demanding
- Perfectionist
- Snobbish
- Approval Seeking
- Unempathetic
- Unremorseful
- Compulsive
- Addictive
- Emotionally detached
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Are you or someone in your life struggling to heal from Emotional Abuse from a Narcissist and need some support? Whether it's short term or long term, I've got your back!
Email me at annette.tavitian@gmail.com or message me on LinkedIn to book in for counselling.
You can visit my website for more information on my services:
https://www.annettetavitian.com.au
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