The Narcissism of Small Differences
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The Narcissism of Small Differences

Do you live in an area, a society, or a community where everyone looks similar, comes from similar backgrounds, eats the same sorts of food, lives in similar housing--in short, everyone is objectively very much alike--and, yet, folks there divide themselves into feuding groups?

Yes, of course you do! (probably)

It's a human trait that might have been useful in prehistory but is now decidedly counterproductive: often deadly to individuals and supremely inefficient for human civilization. It's led to blood feuds and wars throughout history.

Currently, we see it on elite college campuses, where young, healthy adults from wealthy families who all moved away from home to spend years learning and who grew up together in the same towns hate and abuse each other. And, in every town, affluent, educated adults of the same ethnicity—even those who grew up in the same households—no longer speak to each other. The reasons vary. But their differences, relative to their similarities, are vanishingly small.

What's wrong with us?

I was unaware of this as a common trait or cognitive bias. It has a name, so I thought I would share it: "The narcissism of small differences." [a cognitive bias is a shortcut in human brains that deviates from rationality or is otherwise not helpful]

Sigmund Freud coined the term in 1917. It is "the idea that the more a relationship or community shares commonalities, the more likely the people in it are to engage in interpersonal feuds and mutual ridicule because of hypersensitivity to minor differences perceived in each other."--Wikipedia

Is it getting worse? If so, is it because there is less and less difference within groups? Wouldn't that be weird and sad? I think so. But, it does seem to explain inexplicable behavior. I hope that if we have an explanation, we can develop a solution.

If you are like me, when you start thinking about your feuds, you may be tempted to fortify your defenses. "Hey, there are reasons for this feud!", I thought.

Think again. And again, a few more times. Humanity would appreciate it if you appreciated each other. Here are some alternatives:

  • Appreciate the compounding value of a bigger network.
  • There are those manipulative people who will use this cognitive bias to divide and harm your community.
  • Humanity comprises amazing, unique individuals who are full of ideas. If you only knew, some of those ideas in that different person could improve your life. So, swap some stories with people who might think differently. You don't need to try to change each other for everyone to benefit from the exchange of ideas.
  • Experiencing the rich diversity of various cultures will habituate you to small differences in your own community.
  • Care more about doing things well than what others are doing.
  • Be empathetic. Know that 99% of people are doing what they think is best, and they might be doing exactly what you would do in their situation. Keep this in mind when looking for a solution.

The energy you could put into feuding is certainly better spent improving yourself—better for you, better for humanity.

More articles:

Breaking Narcissism of Small Differences

The Narcissism of Minor Differences

Rules for Humans and Their Ideas



Ray Soong

Reservoir Engineering / Petroleum Engineering / Surveillance

6 个月

sin

回复
Mark Robinson

Developing Energy Solutions | Process Engineering | Engineering Integration | Project Development

6 个月

Burney, very insightful article. I’ve heard and seen other cognitive biases but never heard of this one

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Burney, as usual you are totally right! I personally believe this is the result of decadence in large groups of people predominantky in the western societies. They never had it do good but are unhappy. In western societies things are all organised for a large percentage of the people, no more accountability, the government takes care of everything. Then people do not have to work/fight to survive and it is hardly possible to have it better. Then boredom and small irritations start and are blown up out of all proportion. I have ideas how to solve this but it would ban me from LinkedIn I fear. ?? So we keep muddling along. I am only active in fighting the climate hysteria and complete failure of the energy transition. But those are not petty things so I don't have to hold back.

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