Narcissism and Leadership
Chapter 3
*This series of articles is all about YOU identifying the narcissist leader you work with so YOU can better understand how they operate, and YOU can be successful.
Last week we looked at some examples and DNA of a narcissist leader (https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/narcissism-leadership-patrick-rorie-svjje/?trackingId=AEjXQrhtSNWo20%2FuxVvj0A%3D%3D ).? The true question is how can you identify if it is a narcissist leader you are working with?
And now we’re at our finale, Chapter 3, how can we work with a narcissist leader?
First off…you aren’t fixing them and it's not your job to try.? You are responsible for your Team Members, your Leaders, and You.? Make sure those folks are as solid as they can be.
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There aren’t many people out there that can just up and quit their jobs.? It is happening more in the last few years than ever in my lifetime, but few people are going to quit a job without having another opportunity already lined up.? That’s just being a productive adult.? So, you probably just can’t up and quit.? What can you do then to be successful, while all along working with a narcissist leader.? Here are some “not so easy, but pretty good” steps:
1. Remind Yourself of Your Value
It will be difficult but not impossible, perhaps with the support of your co-workers, to recall why you got hired in the first place. That is, remember your skill set, your qualifications, and the references that led you to seek out and land this valued position. The estimation of your actual value is in your hands and no one else’s.
2. Compliment Them Frequently
It’s not impossible to get along with a narcissistic boss. The adage that “flattery will get you nowhere” is not the case when talking to a narcissist. They like being complimented and may expect or demand such attention and accolades. To the extent you’re willing to provide such flattery, you’re likely to stay on their good side.
3. Keep a Paper Trail
Your boss will have more power than you in their reviews of your work that go on file. You may have to begin to create a paper trail where you respectfully respond to any criticisms detailing your achievements. This will help you retain your own feeling of empowerment and forestall being held back from future goals.
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4. Get Outside Support
You may find you take home the steady stream of manipulation with your boss’s voice echoing in your mind. This is the time to maintain self-awareness, self-observation, and introspection. Share with loved ones or others you trust what you are experiencing so you hear out loud others valid points of view about your work, your character, and your reasonable goals for the future.
5. Take Time for Reflection
You deal with a narcissistic boss outside their presence. Even more importantly, you deal with your boss when you take their words to heart and slip into self-doubt, making those words your words. If you notice you are doing this, take all the time you need for self-reflection until your own perspective overrides that negative voice in your mind.
6. Remember Who You’re Dealing With
You are dealing with a vulnerable, easily wounded boss who unconsciously is carrying a load of long-held feelings of inferiority that they combat regularly. Your interpersonal tactics are unlikely to change their views. Remind yourself that your boss is inherently even more vulnerable than you are.
7. Develop a Strategy
It’s important to be mindful that the narcissist boss will also have those who are suppliers and those who are injurers. When a boss has a narcissistic injury, they are often looking for validation and praise, so positioning yourself to be an ally can be beneficial for you if you are trying to work with them.
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No one can sugarcoat this for you.? This is tough.? Dealing with a narcissist leader, especially one you report to, is not for the faint of heart. And the narcissist's leader isn't holding them accountable either.? Keep these above seven strategies readily available and do additional research on your on.? It’s worth it in the long run.
?*This series of articles is all about YOU identifying the narcissist leader you work with so YOU can better understand how they operate, and YOU can be successful.