A Name is an Opportunity. You're Probably Missing it.

One of our foundational Service Habits is "Use their Name" because a name is such an opportunity. Ask someone about their name and you can learn more about their family, history, or culture. With a few simple questions, you can immediately share stories, learn, and connect. But what happens if you avoid, mispronounce, or change someone’s name??

?

If you live in Australia, you probably live and work in communities with recent immigrants. They are your neighbours, colleagues, and customers. When you meet someone, they may have a name that is unfamiliar with different sounds than you are used to hearing or making.?

?

With a new colleague or customer, you probably genuinely want to connect. But you may also have an unconscious belief that immigrants should adapt to fit in. So,? a little voice in your head says, “It’s Australia! Get ready for a nickname, mate!

?

In a recent Service Habits class, I asked a participant named Sunil if he had been given a nickname in Australia. He said yes, that his co-workers call him "Sunny." And then, almost under his breath, he confessed that he actually prefers “Sunil.” But then, just as quickly, he minimised by saying, "But Sunny is fine too.”

?

I looked at his co-workers in that moment. I saw a surprise.? One person immediately chimed in, "I never knew that. From now on, I will call you Sunil." She kept her tone light but I sensed a little hurt. A voice in her head was asking, "Why didn't Sunil tell me the truth?”

?

And that's the problem. No one intends disrespect.? Many Australians believe nicknames are friendly and inclusive. Sunil doesn't feel the same. But speaking up is really, really hard. So he concealed his feelings.?

?

Does this small thing really matter?? Well, think about your name for a moment.? It’s a big part of your identity. And we all have some rules - conscious or unconscious - about how we want our name to be used. What happens when someone breaks those rules?? There’s a cost.

?

Even though I use “Jennifer” when introducing myself or signing emails, Australians still shorten my name to “Jen.” What's the cost?? I feel like you’re not really listening to me.

?

A name is a deeply personal thing and taking care with someone's name is such an opportunity to show respect and build trust. Here are a few tips:

?

???????????? Get curious about your own "habits" with names. What beliefs sit behind those habits?

???????????? Think about your name.? Do you go by one name at work and another at home? Why?

???????????? Instead of avoiding an unfamiliar name, go deeper! Ask the person about how names are given and used in their family.

???????????? Create a team-building activity where everyone shares their “name story.”

???????????? Ask openly for guidance. My last name is "Crescenzo" and I know it's a tongue-twister. But I feel a warm glow when someone slows down and makes the effort - even if they get it wrong!