The Naked Truth About Why Being Ladylike Will Ruin Your Badass Work Wins

Your noble gestures aren’t making you a legend at work & hers why

Who is constantly overwhelmed with how much you are doing for others? While at the same time realising you aren’t doing enough for yourself. Your overwhelm makes you pity yourself. The pity further feeds the overwhelm & it becomes a treadmill that never stops my friend. Unless you have a small child who overwhelms you (we may come to that later, but that’s not the dope for today) you may need to stop yourself in your overwhelm tracks.

Before we come to the real dope let me put this straight. I am not being the behaviour police. All I really want to do is help you step into your grown woman boots.

More context. When language & behavior evolved both men & women equally used them to their advantage. Somewhere along the way, Victorian culture went viral! Women started to be punished for doing the same as men. Stuff they have always been doing & saying but didn’t matter earlier. They asked the poor lady to tone down, be accommodating & more polite. They punished her for being true to nature. So she passed these new norms of behaviour down to her daughters to protect them from being reprimanded. Women got a respite when they started to confirm! They were finally accepted & called ‘ladylike’.

When you behave ladylike it will not serve you in a world that values the badass.

Time to rethink what serves the female species & what doesn’t? I mean you’ve worked hard to be who you’ve become & get where you are. If you can prop it up by ditching the people pleasing & being you, wont it be really cool!

A few truths about why overwhelm happens & happens more with the female species:

• Your ‘to-do list’ for others that’s longer than the Princess of Wales’s wedding train is the reason you feel the overwhelm. But maybe you already know this.
• Your ‘to-do list’ gets long, longer, longest because you are saying YES to everything that comes your way. Whether it is a personal obligation or a work task, fathom this. Every-godamn-ask-from-others is NOT an opportunity. Hard to believe? And yet, that’s the unadulterated truth.
• When you say YES to everything that comes your way, you are THRICE as likely to be exploited as someone who is comfortable saying NO! Here’s why the number three is important. If you are unsure and flaky, people might take their chances to ask for favours THRICE before giving up!
• I have been a YES woman for years. To an extent that I didn’t decline work calls while I was driving. So I would talk precariously on the phone while negotiating traffic. ?stopped taking work calls when I stopped being a YES woman! If you are in the habit too, you would do well to stop at once!

Something interesting that I discovered after getting myself out of the ‘YES’ rabbit hole.

This will be interesting to know. You don’t say YES because you like to do the task or want to help out. You say YES because we you are insecure. Of losing relationships & opportunities. If you are a woman intent on being ‘ladylike’- read ‘helpful, friendly, adjusting & nice’ you do the YES thing more often than others. Causing you to be more frustrated than the others who just simply say NO.

Playing nice with words simply doesn’t work, especially when you want to be taken seriously at work.

You’ve probably read all about how Emotional Intelligence is the single deciding factor for success. Well congratulations on the new found wisdom. But then you have equated having high Emotional Intelligence to playing nice. That line of thought & action will seriously undermine your image at work. To be considered for bigger roles & more money you have to show that you are a no nonsense to give or to take individual.

You need to steer clear of these 3 words to be taken seriously both personally & professionally. Because you are probably using them out of context often.

1. Sorry

Do you apologise for unintentional, non- errors? At work, have you ever apologised for somebody else’s goof up, especially when it’s teamwork & everyone is equally responsible? You probably say ‘sorry’ when asking for permission to speak up. Or when you ask someone for a status report. Of course, I’m not recommending you be like Uncle Trump of the red -haired fame who thinks a behaviour is justified if it comes from him! But, if “sorry” comes easy to you, remember this. Apologizing frequently is making you look like a pushover. Your family & friends take you for granted when they see you as someone who is ready to bear the burden of mistakes that are not yours to own. Your Management at work cannot see you in a bigger role because of your tendency to take the blame.

How about you start doing it this way? You need not go all guns blazing into unapologetic territory. But rather than being sorry often, express your gratitude to the other person for understanding your problem. Catch yourself when you apologise & see how you can reword it. If you are late for a meeting, “thank you for waiting” might as well replace “sorry I’m late, the traffic was crazy”. Sounds more adult rather than little girl doesn’t it? If you really do make mistakes and we all do, remember this. Actions speak louder than words. You don’t need to verbalise your apology of every goof up.

2. Just

When you really start to keep count you will be surprised how often you use this word. ‘I was just calling’, ‘I just stopped by’, ‘I just want to say’. The ‘justifications’ can go on & on. ‘Just’ downplays you & the occasion. I get it. You wish to be polite. You cannot do a 180 degree & drop ‘just’ from your vocabulary completely.

But in instances when you can prepare before you communicate go for it! If you wish to make an important phone call, can you rehearse your opening lines so you drop ‘just’ out of the conversation? You probably can.

3. Please

Another word from the lady’s lexicon that might undermine your true worth. It is nice to use ‘please’ in conversations & sometimes in email. But we aren’t aiming at nice. Nice isn’t who a badass is. You look passive or ineffective when you plead too often. Especially when you are directing people to do what they are supposed to do in the first place. In emails, I aim at ‘kindly’ rather than ‘please’. It serves the purpose & is a little more forceful without sounding rude. I did learn to watch the way I communicate as well. It was tedious and seemed un-ladylike at first. The more I wore my new style the better it fit.

You are a capable, grown woman. Too many ladylike gestures & words convey that you need permission. Which you godamn well don’t! Get into badass mode & you’ll see how much easier it is to own who you are.

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