N-Squared-Trust

By John R. Nocero & Michelle Natale

John: Michelle asked me the other day about trust. How do I go about trusting people? To me, it really depends on psychological safety – do I feel safe in an environment to discuss things with you. Can I be open and honest? If so, then trust is given quickly and freely. I am introverted by nature, so much of the time I don’t speak unless I have something to say. The people that have been with me the longest are the ones I trust the most. They know this about me and they respect it; I appreciate that. Someone asked me today about the proudest achievements in my professional and personal life. That’s an easy answer – it’s the relationships that I have cultivated, especially those over the long-term. I am so grateful for all the people who have spent time teaching me from those early in my career to those who spent just 10 minutes with me today. If you are willing to take that time with me, I am grateful. Relationships are my proudest achievement, far beyond any of the bullets on my resume. Those are great, but without people, I could not have done any of it. Those are the people you feel most comfortable in the foxhole with, especially if you dug the hole together. I love them, I trust them and vice versa.

 Michelle, tell me about your circle of trust and how you develop it?

Michelle: For me, sometimes it’s that I’m too trusting with others. And I always extend the trust first; my intention is genuine. I’ve learned the hard way that not all people are like that. In the end, I get burned. Unfortunately, over the years I’ve started building up bricks around me – as a protection perhaps and question others’ motives and intent. So, if you ask me about my circle of trust? It is very very small. I think trust can collapse in an instant but take years to rebuild. You have to put the work and time into re-establishing it in my opinion. Trust in any relationship (be it work or personal) is the foundation to everything.

One great read is Stephen MR Covey’s book – The Speed of Trust. My manager and I got certified in the course a few years ago. In it, he talks about how trust is the one thing common to every individual, relationship, team, family, organization, nation, and civilization throughout the world. And if trust is ever removed, it “will destroy the most powerful government, most successful business, most thriving economy, most influential leadership, the greatest friendship, and the deepest love.”

So those who you know in your heart of hearts will pick up that shovel and start digging with you? I hope you are the same for them as well. The bigger question to ask though, “do I trust myself?” Because it starts there FIRST.

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