The Myths of Trust

When we secure a new coaching client, it is easy to assume that their agreement to work with us is their way of stating, "I trust you." But more than likely, they are initially simply expressing, "I need a trusted partner to assist me in solving my current circumstances," and they think, "I sure HOPE that person is you."

Trust is not a one-and-done activity. Our clients observe us in every interaction and assess whether opening up and sharing is safe. Therefore, we need to consistently create coaching experiences that strengthen trust and a feeling of safety.

THE MYTHS & REALITIES OF TRUST

here are three common myths about trust that coaches often fall for when working with others. Due to their paradoxical nature, we have all been deceived by them at some point. Trust dwindles where we need it to grow when this happens.

Trust Myth ONE: If I have a solution to a client's problem, I must share it. Otherwise, I have failed them, and they won't trust me in the future.

Reality ONE: We fail our clients more by not trusting they can be creative and resourceful in solving their issues. In addition, humans listen at four times the rate of any speaker. Our solutions are often linked to what we think is the problem, never hearing the entire issue at hand. Thus, we solve the wrong issue while making them feel disregarded and misunderstood.

Trust Myth TWO: If I know a shortcut to ease someone's struggle, I must step in. Otherwise, I will be seen as uncaring, the situation will worsen, and we will lose their trust.

Reality TWO: When we rescue others, we prevent them from growing, developing their resourcefulness, and building self-confidence. We also convey the message that they cannot succeed without our assistance. Instead of promoting independence, our actions foster dependency. Their journey is unique, and our shortcuts may hinder their progress. We cannot honestly know their capabilities until they have the opportunity to face challenges. Often, the greatest growth happens through one’s struggle relying solely on their resourcefulness to find a solution that works for them.

Trust Myth THREE: I must provide the correct information if someone's understanding or knowledge is inaccurate. Otherwise, they will make uninformed decisions, limiting their outcomes. They hired me to expand their perspective; they will no longer trust me if I don’t redirect them when misdirected.

Reality THREE: No matter how cut and dry the facts are, when people receive them, the information is filtered through their funnels of beliefs, values, belonging, and more. While logically, they might be able to see the reality we share with them, emotionally, they stay steadfast to their original conclusions. To expect them to do otherwise is insulting and feels unsupportive.

NO TRUST = NO RELATIONSHIP

Cultivating trust is crucial for the integrity of a coaching relationship, so much so that ICF established it as one of its core competencies and defines it as partnering with the client to create a safe, supportive environment that allows the client to share freely. The coach consistently maintains a relationship of mutual respect and trust. ICF’s definition of trust and the distinctions between myths and reality regarding trust are helpful, but they only outline "what" to do and do not explain "how" to do it. Therefore, I have included questions that you can ask to maintain client control and prioritize trust whenever you are tempted by one of the trust myths. I challenge you to come up with your own. The practice will further strengthen your ability to resist the myths.

MAINTAIN TRUST QUESTIONS

• What solutions have others tried to suggest to you?
• How do you feel when they offer their ideas?
• How have your emotions affected how you view your situation?
• How do you want to feel as you search for the best solution?
• How much do you believe it's up to you to solve this in your own way versus using elements or ideas from others? For what reasons?
• What are the most important factors to consider as you move forward?

Before we part, I have a few questions for you.

• What myths might hinder your progress when building or maintaining client trust?
• How will/do you ensure you remain consistent in the coaching process and keep your clients' trust?
• What questions will/do you ask to build trust and create a safe environment in all your coaching relationships?

Seeking more? Join us at Learning Journeys for Level 2 ICF-Accredited education. We are committed to helping people learn and skillfully provide transformational coaching to employees, clients, patients, and more.

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Step ONE: Connect with us today at Learning Journeys

Step TWO: Learn more & enroll in classes as early as tomorrow

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Trust us, you’ll enjoy the journey.