The Myths That Keep Us Invisible
Jenny Kovacs Visibility Specialist
Helps Founders, Corporates & Business Owners to impact their industry & clients in 5 repeatable steps using the Visibility VIBES?? Framework | Transformational Training | Private Coaching | Keynote Speaking from ￡2995
Ever wondered what stops people from being seen?
Out and about this week in Cambridge, I spoke to a phenomenal organisation for their company day. The talk focused on having the audience reflect a lot about themselves and who they are deep down.
This is an overlooked part of Visibility work, I’m often heard saying that
Visibility is an inside job ~ Jenny Kovacs
When we can take a moment to reflect on:
Our strengths can then shine through in all we do.
As a person who’s passionate about people, drawing this out through reflective questioning is an important part of the steps to being even more you. At the end of the talk I was asked a great question. It sparked my imagination, the question was about why people find it so difficult to be visible. From the vaults of my mind I shared some of the most common reasons people have given as to why they might struggle or fear being seen, or being visible.
It’s a question that I typically ask my audiences, but definitely ask those I work with privately or in those small group VIP rooms. (If you’re now wandering what on earth a VIP room is, you’ll see this mentioned in my headline and about me section on LinkedIn).
That question peaked my interest for many reasons, but here are three.
Reason one
While there are literally hundreds of different answers I could give to this question. I tended to go with the ones I hear the most. Having a specialism in visibility for 15 years I have heard a lot of responses, some more mysterious than others.
Reason two
Being curious minded (some call it nosy by nature), I always wonder what the question could be behind that question. Having heard variations of this question the person asking it is typically not asking for themselves, but is usually asking on behalf of someone else. In most cases it’s a colleague, team member or peer and often a family member or friend.
Reason three
When I approach this work whether it’s with an individual, a group or regardless of a persons seniority. Rather than make any assumption about why some people find it difficult to be visible, I asked more probing questions to find out more from them.
I never assume.
This week I had already planned to write about the myths I see and hear people assume around visibility, or the act of being visible. The question I was asked dovetails nicely into this weeks column around common visibility myths and ways that they keep us invisible.
Discussing this briefly in my weekly writing room, hosted by the amazing Jenny Garrett OBE formed a part of my distillation down to the most common things I hear so that I can share them with you, now.
The Myth That Judgement Stops Us
People think someone else stops us, while that might seem true on the surface, it’s not, it’s a myth because others do not have the power to stop you, you stop you.
Judgement comes in at number one and appears in three ways.
Most people you speak to have concerns about putting themselves or their work and the things they’re good at out there into the world. The act of doing this can take a certain amount of courage. It’s amazing to me how effectively people stop themselves from sharing, while others metaphorically hold their nose and just dive in.
In order to be effectively visible, it’s important to be in the percentage of people who are consistently seen.
The Myth of Being Known
At the root of being known, this myth can most accurately be described as “not-enough-ness” and it stems from these places.
People I’ve worked with personally will often share these fears:
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More often than not, especially on platforms like Facebook or Instagram the fear is of close family and friends. What they might do, what they might say and as a mentor of mine previously said…
The reason why those closest to us can push our buttons is because they are the people that created them ~ John Seymour
This myth has two sides of the same stick and causes disarray because, one side substantiates that they aren’t known by enough people to warrant being visible yet.
The other side, implies that we have to appear or act a certain way because we’re well known by so many people.
These sides are frequently labelled as professional or unprofessional when it is not and the thing to evolve is our consistency and positioning.It’s both a myth AND a mask and the truth is, we all start at zero and we all either improve, learn, evolve or all of these along the way.
The Myth of Fame
Some are born into fame, others work hard for it but when we are unknown and create it, it’s seen by the self in another way.
In my coaching and mentoring work, the myth of fame is signposted when I hear someone utter this phrase, and I’ve heard thousands of people say this along the way over the last 15 years.
“I’m a really private person… so I don’t _________“
There’s so much I could say on this one and it really is dependent on what’s said next.?I’d like to offer a way to start to unpack this for yourself outside of working with me.
Take some time to reflect on your "I don't" statement and change the word don’t to won’t. This is different for everyone and will give you a lot of clarity on, why you do what you do… or don’t.
Feel free to comment below or message me privately with what you uncovered. It helps me to create content or share tips (anonymously of course) that are helpful to you and millions more people like you.
There’s also the Myth of Social Media
That can be controversially perceived in some train of thought of what we believe to be right and what specifically influences our thoughts.
DID YOU KNOW: You don’t? even have to be on social media?
Some great examples of people or brands that aren't;
Lush the cosmetics company originated in the UK who’d decided to become anti social for their customers. Read what they shared here in 2021
Cal Newport a computer scientist and best selling author who has never had a social media account. These days he can now be found on YouTube.
There are a whole host of A-list celebrities who avoid social media, one of the most famous being George Clooney. We’ve seen him in Hollywood films, in philanthropic endeavours and those coffee commercials too. When he appears on our social media screens, it’s usually because somebody else is covering a newsworthy story or has mentioned him.
So the next time you’re wondering what stops you, take a moment to get some fresh air, step away from the screen, grab notebook and pen and write down (or grab your favourite dictation device), the things that come up for you.
Our ability to be visible is amazing when we’ve ditched the myths and given ourselves the gift of self creativity.
Jenny Kovacs (She | Her) is known as The Queen of Being Seen.
Jenny Speaks, Consults, Coaches, Mentors & Trains People to be Visible in a way that raises their profile and has them confidently seen using the unique Visibility V.I.B.E.S.? system.
An award winning mentor and businesswoman, Jenny has also appeared on the BBC throughout the UK and speaks on the topic of professional visibility internationally.
Jenny, seeing your work here brought back a vivid memory of our time together at that training with James Lavers. What really stood out back then – and still does – is your dedication to helping others step into visibility with such authenticity. I’m reminded of my own journey in delivering highly personalized, unique research, an approach inspired by my mentor, the late author, Professor Petruska Clarkson, who had such insightful reflections and lived experience of fame, visibility and the costs of authenticity. It’s wonderful to see how you’ve taken that commitment forward, making such an impact!” This version brings focus to the shared memory and Jenny’s unique path, making it both personal and LinkedIn-appropriate. Let me know if it needs more adjustments.