Mythological Kindness

In 1982 Anne Herbert wrote these words on a restaurant placemat. “Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty”. It was originally created as the antithesis to a much used phrase of the time, “random acts of violence and senseless acts of cruelty”. It became a catchy slogan in opposition to what many people viewed at the time as the unraveling of society in America and was a favorite bumper sticker of those who felt the need to express their opposition to the onslaught of negative news which was filling the airwaves, papers and magazines. It became a mental “safe space” for many.

I understand the sentiment and applaud the events and groups that have sprung up to counter the negativity encroaching on seemingly every waking moment of our existence. Herbert wrote a book titled ‘Random Acts of Kindness’ in 1993 which highlighted true stories of people who practices acts of kindness. Blogs, websites and even an organization have sprung up with the main purpose being to encourage people to practice acts of kindness daily. All good stuff to be sure, but unfortunately, based on a flawed assumption.

As catchy and popular as that cute phrase is, it is a myth. There’s no such thing as a random act of kindness any more than there are random acts of violence and cruelty. To put it bluntly it takes forethought to create an action, whether the outcome of that action is good, bad or indifferent. Action does not occur at the role of the dice or depending upon what square one lands on in the game of life. We cause the effects that we and those around us experience in life.

Random implies no premeditation or consistency; two things that I have found to be in opposition to performing an act of being nice or kind. I don’t know of anyone, who is considered by others to be nice and kind, who is inconsistent in their actions by being nice on Monday, indifferent on Tuesday and cruel every other Wednesday. This would imply a form of premeditation on their part and not randomness as is suggested in practicing something.

The mere word “practice” itself implies a consistent honing of a skill to master it. Anyone who has been a member of a group dynamic, whether organized sports, in the military or by playing a musical instrument in a band knows that practice is important in order to stay at peak performance, improve your ability and remain a productive member of the group.

Look up the definition of the word random when used as a term for irregular or sporadic and you will find that the antonyms for the term are constant, continuous, even, regular and unvarying. Further study of the word, when applied as a term for luck or good fortune, reveals its opposite defined as being deliberate, intentional and planned. Nothing could be further from the truth if a person truly “practices" kindness. To be kind and practice acts of kindness takes a willingness and desire to do so. It’s not something you either turn on or off at will.

I’m more than likely going to receive push back over this next statement but it is my observation, experience and belief that people are generally selfish and self centered, thinking of their own wants and desires, more than that of others. We are not born into this world being kind individuals as some scholars, social anthropologists and apologists may claim. Quite the opposite actually as kindness is a learned trait. This is especially evident when observing young children who are learning social skills and how to cope in a society that expects them to comprehend and accept the concept that there is more to life than just their own personal wants, needs and desires.

Sadly, this has changed dramatically over the past few decades. The breakdown and disintegration of the family and village unit has been partly to blame for this. The rest of the blame I place directly at the feet of a corporate political education system that leans heavily on raising and educating young people with an emphasis on a hierarchy of differences. Yes, differences do exist. Abilities, skills and interests are different in each of us. It’s the hierarchy that I personally take issue with. Instead of teaching young people the importance of accepting and acknowledging those things that make us alike, both good and bad, this is suppressed in exchange for a heightened sense of diversity and entitlement. This effectively creates a social dynamic of “our team or tribe against their team or tribe” We can see it, hear it, feel it and more than likely we participate in it ourselves to varying degrees through the social and educational influences we choose to subscribe to in our life.

Just as bad is the homogenization of the skills and abilities of our young people through the virtue of merely existing or showing up. This practice provides no incentive for a young person to seek to excel or improve at basic competency and competitive skills. Instead of instilling a sense of the importance of giving, society bombards young minds with the importance of getting and having simply by asking or expecting. As we promote a more inward centric focus through education and simple observation we create a society less involved with each other. What falls by the wayside as a result are the accompanying needs that exist to be helpful, kind, caring and considerate of one another.

It all comes down to acceptance, actions and habits. What I mean is that we have to accept the fact that we currently do not live in a society or a world that promotes positive thought or action to the degree it promotes negative thought and action. Perhaps it never has and perhaps it never will, but this doesn’t mean that we can’t, as individuals, choose to perform the actions that will counter this. We can choose to act out of kindness and compassion and do so by making these acts a habit through being consistent and not random, as to the timing, frequency, and types of the kindness we practice. The only ways we can make a difference is by replacing bad or non-existent habits with good, kind, caring and helpful ones.

I propose a different slogan for today’s modern society. “The beauty in life is the practice of kindness” Will you help me spread the word by making the practice of kindness a habit in your life? They say that the best teacher in life is the act of living it. May we all live in kindness by making it our habit.

#michaelddavis

?2017 Michael D. Davis All Rights Reserved

Michael D. Davis is a communicator by vocation, a mentor by avocation and a social media maven by choice. His work can be found on popular channels on the web and on his blog at https://thedailychalkboard.tumblr.com/ Michael welcomes your comments and invites you to join him. Just Google #michaelddavis or #thedailychalkboard to find him and request to connect.