The myth of work as an extension of a family

Over years of working in multi-cultural enterprises, studying behavioural psychology and occupational health and safety I have seen firsthand how this myth can lead to some awkward situations in the workplace.

So where do we start? Why do we crave this myth?

Many of us grow up in families where we feel loved, supported, and maybe a little bit coddled. We are used to having our parents or siblings to turn to for advice, comfort, or a good laugh. We know each other's quirks, preferences, and idiosyncrasies, and we accept them because, well, we are family. It's not always easy, but it's a bond that we cherish.

However, when we enter the workforce, we often bring these expectations with us. We assume that our colleagues or bosses will behave like our family members. We want them to understand us, appreciate us, and maybe even give us a day off when we're feeling down! We want to feel like we are part of a tribe, a community, a family.

But here's the thing; work is not a family. It's not even close!

Oh no, he didn't! ... well, yes I did. Work is essentially a transactional relationship based on skills, tasks, and deadlines. We are paid to do a job, and our employers expect us to deliver results. Our colleagues may be friendly, supportive, and helpful, but they are not our siblings or parents. They have their own lives, their own problems, their own priorities and deadlines.

What happens when we try to force the family dynamic into the workplace? Well, it can get pretty awkward. For example, have you ever had a colleague who treats the office like a confessional booth? They share their personal problems, their dating struggles, and expect you to listen and offer advice? Or have you ever had a boss who acts like a surrogate parent?

While these situations may seem harmless or even comforting, they can also be problematic. When we over-identify with our work or our colleagues, we risk losing our professional identity and autonomy. We may become too emotionally invested in our work, taking criticism or failure personally, or becoming overly attached to our colleagues or managers. We may also neglect our personal needs, hobbies, or relationships, prioritising work over everything else. We may also compromise our values, ethics, or boundaries, to please our employers or colleagues, or avoid conflict or criticism.

So, what's the solution?

Well, we need to recognise the distinction between work and family and set healthy boundaries and expectations in the workplace. We should strive for professionalism, respect, and collaboration with our colleagues, but also maintain a sense of detachment, perspective, and self-care. We should not rely on work to provide us with a sense of purpose or fulfilment, but rather seek to develop our skills, interests, and values, both inside and outside of the workplace.

... and, while we're at it, let's have some fun! Work may not be a family, but it can still be a place of laughter, creativity, and joy. Let's celebrate our differences, our strengths, and our quirks. Let's make time for jokes, stories, and shared experiences. Let's appreciate the people we work with, not as family members, but as unique and valuable individuals who bring their own perspectives, talents, and challenges to the table.

In conclusion, work is not an extension of a family, but it can still be a place of connection, growth, and fulfilment. Let's embrace the unique and complex nature of our professional relationships, set healthy boundaries, and cultivate a sense of humour and perspective. By doing so, we can not only be more effective and productive in our work but also enjoy it more and create positive and lasting relationships with our colleagues.