The Myth of Positive Attitude

My Dad gave me the worst advice yesterday that couldn’t have been more off base.

To put it in context, I love and respect my Dad more than anyone. On most things, his advice is right on target. He is my consigliere on just about every matter, and like Don Corleone, I trust his advice on almost everything. But his comment yesterday reinforced what I feel is the biggest gap between people achieving at a low or mediocre level and achieving excellence.

Let me tell you what I learned.

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Yesterday I went to get a golf lesson for the first time in ten years. After a dreadful session on the range yesterday morning at the golf community where my parents live in Florida, it was time to surrender to the reality that my swing needed help.

I’m not sure why I hadn’t done this before. My rationale of avoiding a lesson was similar to those questioning taking a weight loss drug like Ozempic or a hair restoration product like Propecia: once you start, you can’t stop, or you go back to where you were before. I don’t have endless time and income to devote to golf, so that is the story I’ve told myself.

Or maybe the deeper fear is that my swing was unfixable.

Coming in with high hopes but no true expectations, I met Brian, the teaching pro, and we got started. Hoping he could work miracles, we got to work.

He had me do what was natural – which was hitting a number of balls forty-five degrees off-line with a weak “smother-hook,” as my friend calls it. After establishing my baseline, he showed me a few numbers on the board – mostly, my swing path and my club face. The numbers told me what I knew – both needed to be fixed.

Brian twisted me back and forth, guiding my club on a different path. He got me to feel the difference, talking to me about kinesthetic learning, as he was creating a new muscle memory for me.

Then he had me try to hit the ball in different directions, giving me tasks such as “take it back right and hit it out right” or “try to hit it off the toe” or “take it back right and turn it left.” Twenty minutes later, the seas parted. Much to my amazement, there I was, hitting the ball thirty yards farther than normal and actually going the direction I wanted.

As I watched the ball fly off my irons for maybe the first time in my life, I think organ music may have rained down from heaven. Maybe that was just an audio effect of the new performance center.

So to answer the original question: why was my Dad’s advice so poor?

For most of my life – maybe you’ve been there too – I’ve prided myself on having a positive attitude. It was a pillar of my belief as a student, a wrestler, a teacher, a coach, and a leader in business. But with that belief, there was also an assumption that was rarely spoken – and when ignored, I now realize it is not only wrong, but actually damaging and dangerous.

Here’s the fallacy: positive attitude alone is the key to success.

Here’s what’s actually true: positive attitude to accept where you are right now – on the path to where you want to be – allows you to focus today on building the skill you need to get better, and to keep doing the work tomorrow and the day after that.

For so long, I simply deluded myself that I could show up on a golf course with a positive attitude alone. I ignored the fact that I lacked the skill to succeed and that I could just wish myself into playing well. Yet in every other area of my life where I have had some success, I have devoted significant work to build the skills I needed to improve. ?

To be clear - I am NOT abandoning my belief in a positive attitude. It is absolutely essential to success in any meaningful area. I'm just putting it in its rightful place.

You see, as a teacher, coach, and leader in business, the skill foundation and ongoing development always came first, and perhaps was assumed by those I worked with in those domains. However, because not everyone focuses on attitude, I made it a priority to invest time in helping others cultivate positivity. However, in the case of my golf game - and perhaps other areas - I've conveniently forgotten the skill component. This realization makes me think I probably need to look out for this trap in other areas of my life too.

As a result, I’ve come to the conclusion that the path to success – in ANYTHING – requires this formula, in this order.

S: SKILL – Get your reps doing the activity required to be excellent. Whenever possible, the right teacher, coach, or leader can help you build the skill faster because you will avoid the bad habits and bring awareness to areas you can’t see in yourself.

A: ATTITUDE – NOW bring the positive mindset. Bring the positive attitude to the work required without self-judgment, and bring that attitude every day.

P: PRESENCE - Accept where you are today. Let go of where you were yesterday or a year ago, and understand where you want to go – but apply EXTREME focus on where you are today - and what is most important to your skill development and execution.

Rinse and repeat for however long it takes to get the desired result.

I am encouraged after this breakthrough yesterday – and at the same time, I am VERY aware that I have SIGNIFICANT skill building ahead to become the single-digit handicap golfer I want to be from where I sit today. But after yesterday, I’ve got some new clarity on where positive attitude comes in the pecking order on the path to improvement!

So Dad – and everyone else out there who gives the advice that you just need positive attitude - thanks for the advice, but I respectfully disagree. ?Skill + Attitude + Presence is the winning formula! ????