The Myth of Perfection: Understanding Why It is Overrated and Undergifted
Sarah McVanel, MSc, CSP, PCC, CHRL, CSODP
Chief Recognition Officer | Canada's Recognition Expert | Professional Speaker | Coach | Author | 'FROG Lady'
Do you want to know the best team score in a golf tournament? You might think it’s the lowest. And sure, a low score may be the winner (strange as it seems written out), but the second highest score usually isn’t something to write home about. Do you know what the second-best prize is? Worst golfer.
Do they feel sorry for terrible golfers? Maybe, but we’ll take their pity. After all, perfection is overrated and undergifted.
Here are a few secrets we’ve been sharing lately about the power of facing perfectionism and levelling up self-recognition .
Truth 1: By Its Very Definition, You’ve Lost the Game
Brene Brown’s best-selling books on perfectionism show us that it is a zero-sum game involving. Perfectionism is about both fitting in and standing out—like being the invisible man in haute couture.
Who wants to try to win a game if you cannot figure out the rules? Is success fitting in? Or is it standing out??Despite years of perfecting the art of being perfectionistic and never feeling like it was a prize, I invite you to join me as a “recovery perfectionist.” What do you say?
Truth 2: Comparison Greases the Wheels of Perfectionism
We like to blame social media for many things, but it wasn’t the birthplace of comparison . If only! If you’ve gone on a digital detox, you’re likely still in your head, evaluating yourself in relation to others.
It’s part of being human, so trying to stop it isn’t the goal. It’s making sure it’s not negatively impacting your belief about worthiness. If you have to be the best to be good enough, you’ll find evidence all around you that you’re falling short.
Truth 3: You’re More Relatable When You Have Flaws
You know what we never use in our house? Good dishes. We never even put any on our wedding list as we were (a) too broke to have anyone over and (b) knew we didn’t want a lifetime of handwashing good china after Thanksgiving dinner. We inherited some, which was super special to us, but we still didn’t use it. (To be fair, neither did my great aunt.) Why? Because no one wants to break it. Why have it, then??
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It’s the same with people. Why put on the perfect “good dishes” face only for people not to be able to relate to you day-to-day? I’m not saying engaging in TMI (and inevitably forcing you to Oversharers Anonymous), but being real means you’re relatable.
Truth 4: Expectations Aren’t All Unhealthy
Having high expectations can be tough (believe me, I know); however, they aren’t necessarily unhealthy. It’s problematic when they are out of context, an unwaveringly high bar, and in all facets of your big, beautiful life.
I have coached hundreds of high performers, giving out many “permission slips” to say, “I did the best I could,” and believe it. You can’t always be on your “A” game, and it cannot be in every aspect of your work and life.
Truth 5: You’re Allowed to Feel Stuff
It’s not unprofessional to use feeling words, feel strongly about things, and have reactions. It’s not okay to dump your emotional baggage onto others or treat them poorly, but if you’re having the feels, you’re not “unprofessional.” You’re human. Don’t doubt yourself for noticing, naming and claiming feelings at work. The quicker you can identify what they are, what triggered it, and your options, the less likely they’ll run the show.
This is just the tip of the anti-perfectionism iceberg, and given that this is a lifelong quest of mine, I have no doubt I’ll write more about it. What questions do you have about what we’ve discussed here? What would you like to see more podcasts and articles about?
BTW, here’s a form of recognition: forward this article to someone and tell them how amazing you know they are. Give them a permission slip to acknowledge their greatness by honouring it for them.
Want more info about being perfectly imperfect? Look no further than these scrumptious posts:
Disclaimer/Humble Brag Moment: 100% of this content was human-generated (by us folks here at Greatness Magnified). We are committed to authorship integrity and will inform you what percent, if any, is AI-generated.
Program Manager at Bruce Power
1 个月Thank you, Sarah McVanel, MSc, CSP, PCC, CHRL, CSODP, for sharing these refreshing insights on perfectionism again. I loved how you tackled key truths and these are my takeaways 1. Where you point out that comparison has been with us long before social media, reminding us that self-worth shouldn’t be tied to being the best. 2. About being more relatable when we allow our flaws to show, was a light bulb moment—perfection often creates distance, not connection. 3. on setting healthy expectations (just had a conversation on this topic with my sister), really resonated, especially your emphasis on giving ourselves ‘permission slips’ to accept when we’ve done our best. Thank you for this valuable perspective—it’s an important reminder that perfection is not the goal, but authenticity and connection are!