The Myth of Independence

There’s an allegorical tale shared across many different cultures, often

referred to as the story of “the long spoons.” In it, a man is given a tour of

heaven and hell. First he visits hell, and what he sees there are thousands of

emaciated souls all seated at a massive banquet table. They are starving to

death, even though the table is laden with sumptuous food. And the reason

they are starving is that each is equipped with only a spoon, but the spoon

handle is too long to be able to reach their own mouths. Worse than the

actual starvation, is the torment of their frustration.

Next, he visits heaven where a similar scene plays out, only here the blessed

souls are all well fed and contented, even though they are equipped with the

same spoon. How did they accomplish this? Well, they had figured out how

to reach across the table and feed the person sitting opposite. They were able

to eat all they wanted because they had figured out how to feed one another.

All of a sudden, the man understood. Heaven and hell offer very similar

circumstances; the difference is in the way that people treat one another.

Some people would rather starve than actually give another the pleasure of

eating. And if that’s the case, they are already living in hell.

This week in the United States we celebrated our national birthday, and the

Declaration of Independence that set forth the ideals and aspirations of this

newly formed country. As we celebrate our independence, it’s worth

remembering that we live in a very fragile ecosystem, all parts dependent

upon the other for our survival. As John Muir noted: “When we try to pick

out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the

universe.”

Not only does the melting of the polar ice caps affect the mating habits of

penguins, but lo and behold – it also affects our weather patterns! The

security of “other people” half way around the globe, directly affects our

own security here at home. If population growth is not our problem, then it

soon will be when the world population doubles in fifty years’ time and the

demand for basic resources like food and water exceeds supply. Until we

recognize the true nature of our interdependence, it’s unlikely that we will

ever know real freedom and security that the founding fathers hoped for.

I understand the deeply ingrained American ideal of the rugged individual

who just wants to be left alone to forge his own path. John Wayne didn’t do

crowd sourcing to fund his cattle drives, or blog about it on the way (“The

hell you say!”) But when trouble came a knocking – guess what? It was the

“community” who hired Gary Cooper to stand up to the bad guys, paid for

by the banker, the butcher, the undertaker and the candlestick maker. It was

a collective effort that saw America expand into the great nation it now is.

When American ingenuity built the railroads, it was on the backs of cheap

immigrant labor, most of them Chinese or Irish.

The point is: nobody does it all alone and it would be churlish to pretend otherwise. We need other people to reach our fullest potential as individuals, and as nations.

It’s no surprise to learn that there is a new “sharing economy” which is

slowly changing the way the global marketplace works. Some of the most

successful startup companies in recent years – RelayRides, LiquidSpace,

TaskRabbit, Lyft, GETaround, Meetup, Airbnb – understand the “long

spoon” concept very well. Human beings do not exist alone in a vacuum, nor

do we wish to. By bringing people together, sharing our resources more

effectively, we can have a healthier economy, a better quality of life, and

feel more connected to the world we live in. Interdependence is not only

good for our souls, it’s also good for business.

Because we live in a culture that worships independence above all else, we

tend to be suspicious of any degree of dependence, seeing it as a tacit sign of

weakness. And yet we are all dependent on others in one way or another.

Most people find themselves drawn to romantic partners who have different

but complementary skills. This is a sign of intelligence, not weakness. The

myth of independence only promotes isolation and loneliness.

As the saying goes, “If you’d like to change the world, try starting with

yourself.” A good way to begin is to identify one person who has made a

contribution to making your life a little easier, and tell them how this has

affected you. Go ahead and thank that person – in person if you can - for all

the ways in which they have helped you. Maybe before you get to your desk

in the morning, stop and take a minute before plugging in your headphones

and connect with someone in your office. Put away your iPhone and look at

people’s faces now and again. Maybe share some of the details of your

personal life, and seek the same in return (but not too much!). Don’t be

afraid to make the first move. You will feel less scared and less alone

because of it.

As John Donne reminds us: No man is an island. And as it turns out, that is a

very good thing.

Happy INTERdependence day.