My Year(s) of Fear

This is a positive article.

I made a very conscious decision at the beginning of 2018 that if an opportunity came to me and it scared me, I would say yes.

Fear that did not involve anything life threatening meant there was something for me to learn and that I was supposed to do it, especially because it scared me.

I have a very distinct memory of a time I wanted to do something that scared me. I was 5 years old and had gone to see the play “The Emperor’s New Clothes”. They asked for a member of the audience to come up and tell the Emperor that he had no clothes on. My hand shot up like a rocket. I so wanted to go on that stage and tell him. And they picked me. The cast member came up into the audience and she picked me. When she got to me though, I pulled my hand down. I panicked. She looked at me and said “are you sure?” and then got a look on her face of puzzling disappointment and picked someone else.

I have never forgotten that – the look on her face and the feeling of disappointment in myself for not having seized an opportunity I wanted.

I never want to feel that again.

Even when a potential opportunity leaves me feeling nauseous with the voice of doom in my head telling me I can still back out, that I don’t have what it takes, that I would be better to stick with what I know – I say “yes” all the same.

And every time I’ve said yes I have been rewarded with learning, growth and confidence to take the next opportunity. Heck, we started a school!

I write this as I sit at the airport, on my way to that next opportunity.  I’m going to do a residency at the African Leadership University #ALU. The fear of stepping away from paid work for a month, of missed projects, of leaving my family for such a long time all fall away when I focus on the learning and growth I will experience.

Excited for what lies ahead and will share as it unfolds.

Up, up and away!