My year in lockdown

Almost a year ago today I shared the following on my social media:

‘I am currently sat here on my sofa with a nice glass of red wine, Laura beside me and the kids upstairs in bed.

Feeling somewhat thoughtful.

Prior to all that is currently going on in the world, we would just about be getting off a 10-hour flight to Cancun to stay in one of our favourite hotels in the world. As beautiful as the place is, it would take us a few days to acclimatise and get on the right time zone, it would also generally take us the best part of a week for Laura and I to slow down, for us to stop concentrating on work and for us to truly settle into the holiday vibe.

 This past week, we have all been home, whilst it has been a little stressful at times, juggling my work, Laura’s work and the kids home-schooling. We have made time for each of those things and then some. We have played together; we have eaten every meal together and on top of that we have also managed to limit sitting the kids in front of the TV for more than 45 minutes at the end of each day.

 As I sit here with my glass of red, it makes me wonder if whilst what is happening is truly hideous and I in no way would wish it on anyone, I do wonder if this is all a bit of a gift. A chance to reset ourselves.

 Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a conspiracy theorist and I am also shitting myself about what is going to happen to my work, to Laura’s work and the ability for us to financially survive all of this but as it stands, right at this moment I am feeling blessed to be given this time to spend with Laura and the kids.

 I hope everyone is safe and well. Once this thing is over, I for one will be suggesting we all get together and get horribly drunk!!’

 Little did I know that almost a year later we would still be in lockdown and for that not be ending for a further 3 months.

 So, what reflections have I got on the post I made?

 My initial reflections are, how lucky we have been as a family, in both our personal and professional walks of life. Don’t get me wrong, it has been tough.

 Reflection #1 – Not all calls need to be a video call.

 Home-schooling two kids (aged 7 & 9) has been a challenge, couple that with two parents juggling a new way of working and having to be on any number of video-based platforms for meetings, that in all honesty would normally have been a phone call, and which could and should have continued to be a phone call has been interesting!

 It seems that the new presenteeism is to have to show yourself on a video-based platform (Zoom, Teams, Google Hangout, Skype) all while trying to juggle children back in front of their video-based learning while all of you are still in your pyjamas with the breakfast things still on the table!

Presenteeism has always been a bugbear of mine, the archaic view of having to be in an office 8 hours a day, 5 days a week to be effective in your work has never sat well with me. Personally, I get more done while at home (normally) and get to balance my family commitments.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe there is a need for some calls to be video-based, new introductions as an example, team meetings to see each other as another but I do not believe that every single interaction needs to be on video.

 Reflection #2 – Family time is exceptionally important, and these are positive changes.

 Another part of my initial past was about making time for each other as a family, eating together, playing together, and spending less time in front of the dreaded screens. Obviously, the screens part has changed somewhat due to the children being on them for schoolwork, but we have managed to maintain spending more time as a family. We are now in the routine of walking the dogs together after their initial ‘Form’ time in the mornings, we eat together which has in turn given Laura and I more time together in the evenings once the children are in bed, due to not having to cook on two separate occasions, we play and draw together. Screen time has continued to be limited to schoolwork with reward time being given on the Xbox or TV when they have completed; 1) Something active, 2) something creative and 3) reading. We laugh a lot more and I believe we are an exceptionally close family unit.

The kids are however desperate for some peer level social interaction and I am very much looking forward to them returning to school.

 Reflection #3 – Removing rate of pay as a key decision factor can open new chapters of work.

 Work is obviously a large part of our lives. Both Laura and I work full time, Laura as a Portfolio Finance Director, and me as a Management Consultant specialising in Recruitment Strategy. Laura has been flat-out ensuring the businesses she works for have been able to survive the past year and she has done a spectacular job at that, there have been some low times with Laura often taking the burden personally. My work was also a worry, having worked as a self-employed consultant for the best part of 14 years, the concern was that businesses would stop using consultants as their first initial cost-saving and that came true, in the space of 3 months I had two projects end and an empty pipeline due to other projects being mothballed due to the uncertain economy. I was forced to make the decision to take on a piece of work at a rate I would not necessarily normally of looked at. Thankfully I did and that has managed to see us through what could have been a very lean time in my industry. The project I took on has ended up being exceptionally enjoyable and one that I have relished getting my teeth into, I have learned new things and used my past experience to help drive strategy and operations forward. A six-month contract has turned into a 12-month contract and from what I can see the market is becoming more buoyant again, so the future looks bright.

 Reflection #4 – Travel is good for the soul

 I mentioned in the initial post that at the time of writing it, we would have been in Mexico. Even though we, as a family have had to cancel 4 separate trips in the last year (I realise this is getting into the realms of 1st World problems) we were exceptionally lucky to be able to escape the UK for Mexico over the Christmas period. This was only made possible as the area that I live fell into what was known as Tier 2 for regional lockdowns, this meant it was possible for us to be able to travel. Unbeknownst to us at the time, the flight we took with British Airways was actually the first plane to land in Cancun from the UK in 8 months and there was quite the furore surrounding it. The whole flight experience was handled brilliantly by British Airways and at no time did we feel as if regulations with masks etc. was causing us any issue, okay, it was slightly uncomfortable to have to wear a mask for the majority of an 11-hour flight but that was little sacrifice to then be on the beach at what my wife describes as ‘her happy place’. It still took us a few days to slow down and get into holiday mode, acclimatising to the change in pace but once we did, it was heaven. To be able to be removed from everything for a period time of was just what the doctor ordered.

We spent a wonderful three weeks in Mexico and would have extended further if possible, on reflection it was a good thing that we didn’t extend as a few days after returning, the Country went back into a full lockdown. We still spent 10 days locked in the house under quarantine rules but a majority of that was spent trying to get back on the right time zone!

 Travel is important to me; I believe it is important for the children to see different parts of the world and experience different cultures. The children have lived in the Middle East and the UK but have travelled with us to numerous other Countries, each time with a thirst to learn the language and try the foods on offer but most importantly relishing in the experiences they get to have. I understand how fortunate we are as a family to be able to afford these holidays and we are thankful for that. Personally, I miss being able to travel and hope that towards the middle/end of this year we are able to again.

 Reflection #5 – Not all change is good change!

 Being able to relax without outside interruption is not easy but it seems while on holiday we do not think twice about putting our mobile phones in the safe for the day, or for going back to being out of touch for a large portion of the day. The need to be online and accessible 24/7 is one that is harmful to us but is one that we all allow due to the capability of our SMART Phones, years ago, if your boss was to say to you, ‘I am going to pop round and discuss such and such at 10.30 this evening’ you would have replied with ‘Oh no you are not’ but we now do not think twice at reading an email at 10.30 in the evening and even replying to it. Our working days have extended, our downtime has decreased and now that for the majority of the last year your office is in some area of your home, the two have completely merged together.

 Reflection #6 – Look after each other.

 Now I am not the biggest talker in the world and more often than not you will get more from me on a message than a call but once face to face will happily open up. I think that can be said for a lot of guys that I know and in the current climate of being in lockdown this is not healthy. I am fortunate to have Laura who I can unburden myself on and that gives me a release but still the need to talk over a beer is there. I have a great group of friends, we have been mates for years, the longest being 40 years and the least being 20 years, we have been through each other’s ups, downs, sideways, forwards and backs. Probably like a lot of other people we have a WhatsApp group that we send funny pictures, we ask the collective, how are you? But what we don’t do is have the deeper conversations, we don’t explore an answer.

In the days before lockdown, we as a group would make sure that we got together for a beer and then maybe twice a year we would have a weekend away, a bit of a blowout, basically a release. During those beers out there is always conversation, chat, banter but more importantly after about the third or fourth beer the real conversations would start, the conversations that it takes some of us a while to warm up to, to feel comfortable to share, to relax into. These are the conversations that are not being had at the moment, these are the conversations that particularly us men are missing. Some of the deepest conversations I have ever had with my friends have been on the second night on a weekend away and that is because whatever the subject was it was such a huge deal to that individual that it took that long to feel comfortable to let out it out, to unburden themselves, to feel that weight release from their shoulders by just saying the words out loud. These are things that you cannot share on a Zoom call, even though it is with the same group of people, these are the things that are not being unburdened, the weight is not being lifted off shoulders and therefore the stress remains and continues to build. This lockdown has shown me that we are social creatures, I love Laura to pieces, but we need more than our spouses to survive, we need more than a screen to survive, we need actual social interaction.

 It’s funny because whilst sat here writing this I have received a message from one of said group and it has a link to a countdown of each of the four-stage release to freedom, from being able to have a beer in the park with one friend to having a beer anywhere with everyone. These types of websites/Apps are not being put together because we are Country of alcoholics, they are put together because people need people.

 I for one will be sat in a park with one friend in 4 days 10 hours and 18 minutes, I will be sat in the park with 5 friends in 25 days, I will be in a beer garden with 5 friends in 39 days, will be having a beer inside a pub in 74 days and then in 109 days I will be anywhere I want to be with whoever I want to be with!

 So, what is my final reflection on this past year?

 We have taken the chance to reset but I am still a firm believer in my final statement from a year ago:

 ‘I hope everyone is safe and well. Once this thing is over, I for one will be suggesting we all get together and get horribly drunk!!