My wish this Christmas: More of the gift of life itself.

Merry Christmas to all of you - I want to extend my best wishes to all of you and your families, but also ask for your prayers tomorrow.

Twenty months ago, doctors discovered a tumor growing in my brain – a vestibular schwannoma. While we are all thankful that it is non-cancerous, it has significantly impacted the hearing in my right ear and my overall sense of balance. I started to wear a hearing aid. I needed walking poles on hikes to help me not veer off trail and fall over. I needed to keep both hands on bike handlebars at almost all times. I’m less confident and aggressive on skis.

Two months ago, I was told that the tumor is growing too fast and could start impacting more brain functions, and that we need to go in now to remove it. Bye-bye ski season. Hello deep uncertainty…. Will I ever hear again in my right ear? Will I get my balance back again? Will my facial nerves come out unaffected or will the right side of my face droop for the rest of my life?

Tomorrow morning (December 26th) my family will bring me to the University of Washington Medical Center, and my surgical team will conduct brain surgery on me to remove my tumor. So this Christmas day brings both joy and love, but also uncertainty and fear.

I want to express my gratitude for all that I have in life. My wife, my kids, my extended family, my friends, my experiences and the journey I’ve been on; the mistakes I’ve made, the lessons learned, the wisdom gained.

Since discovery 1.5 years ago, plus suddenly finding myself out of a job, plus having a total left knee replacement, I have rediscovered what living life is all about. The joys of just living and loving life to the fullest; without calendars telling me where to go, where to fly, where to book my next Uber to, what hotel to sleep in. Waking up each day beside my wife, and not rushing to get to the office or airport or first Zoom call. Without my coffee meetings cut short after 30 mins with a calendar notification telling me where to go next. Without client requests coming in on a Friday afternoon that would blow up weekends. Without anxiety at annual review times and bonus discussion times as to whether I had performed well enough, earned enough, been enough. Without that rat race insecurity of whether my career was as successful as others around me -- in the companies I worked in, within my peer groups, or my community of similarly insecure over-achievers.

I’ve received the gift of rediscovering how wonderful life is when I choose to live it fully. And I’m not ready to give that up.

With that in mind, my Christmas wishlist this year all about continuing to live this life to the fullest post-surgery. I ask…

…that my team of highly qualified surgeons has a rockstar day…. home runs, long touchdowns, hat tricks. Steady hands, no complications. My life and future are in your hands.

…for another coffee with my wife in our sacred backyard place…. with hummingbirds flitting in and out, waterfalls providing peaceful sounds, old trees that have survived major windstorms standing majestically above us. Squirrels jumping around. Crows cawing at us. Eagles soaring overhead. Yoga in the backyard…. alone, with Chris, or in summer with neighbors (and brunch afterwards).

…for more dinners with our kids, at home or in fun restaurants. Games of Catan around the dinner table. Road trips with each kid to explore great parts of the state, country, world. Iceland beckons us Naomi!!! Karaoke sessions around the TV hearing them sing. And just watching and enjoying as my kids grow up into adulthood and blossom in ways that warms the heart and makes me so proud of who they are.

…for more walks down to the lake to see the eagles, the herons, the sunset, and neighbors doing the same. Hikes near our home in nature and up and down places like Rattlesnake Ledge, Mount Si or Mount Rainier, and further out finally hiking to the Enchantments, more hikes in Zion and Sedona, multi day walks in Spain, treks in Nepal and Patagonia.

…for more bike rides around Mercer Island, gravel rides up to Snoqualmie Pass with friends with stops at Dru Bru on a blue sky day. And longer term…. more epic multi-day treks to Utah, Idaho, BC, Oregon and beyond, multi-day cross WA trips, international bike trips in Europe.

…for more wake-surfing mornings at the lake with neighbors and friends, watching the sun come up over Rainier. The cool water waking me up, refreshing me, the views of the sun over Rainier inspiring me with its majesty and beauty. Teaching more people how to wakesurf. And longer term…. Doing 360 spins behind my boat, surfing ocean waves in Costa Rica, cold water surfing in Sooke or Tofino.

…for more skiing and snowshoeing the Cascades with friends or family. Blue square runs under blue skies with my wife. Black diamond runs in deep powder with friends. Ski trips to Whistler, heli-skiing for first time ever, exploring more of Utah, Montana, Colorado… And longer term, trying out ski hills in the Alps or Hokkaido.

…for more coffees or beers with deep conversations with good friends, old and new, as I’ve had time to do more recently. Where neither of us is running off after 30 or 60 minutes to make our next call. Diving deeper and being more authentic, more vulnerable, more real - and therefore more connected in ways that make us feel human. And longer term, finding ways to connect more deeply, with myself, with more people, with the universal power and creator through group retreats in California, in Costa Rica, in Peru and beyond.

So please send up a prayer to whichever god you pray to, or just to the universe, that my surgery goes well, so that I may continue to live life to the fullest - and hopefully have a chance to drink a coffee or beer or go for a hike or ride, or eat a meal with you that is uninterrupted, and authentic, in the years ahead.