"My Wife's Hot" & Organization Centered Fundraising

I have an acquaintance who loves to put posts on social media about his wife. “She’s hot,” he will say.

When I see his posts, I feel awkward.

What ought to be beautiful and admirable is instead a little repulsive.

He even has a shirt, “I LOVE MY HOT WIFE.”

AND a coffee mug: “MY WIFE IS HOTTER THAN MY COFFEE”

Most of us find this offputting, but fundraisers do this all the time.

While he might think he’s being complimentary, he’s actually making the same mistake many fundraisers do - focusing on surface-level messaging that misses the deeper connection.

Nonprofits do it when they never stop telling us how “hot” their organization is. It is repelling and makes you want to look away.

My friend is trying?to brag on his wife but he has reduced a complex, wonderful person to a single physical attribute.

He would do better to say, “My wife, her eyes light up when she talks about what she is passionate about. I love her like crazy!”

Organization Centered Fundraising

Nonprofits do this when they constantly talk about their?organization, their?goals, their?vision and their mission. “My organization is HOT,” they are saying.

When they do this we call it "organization-centered" fundraising.

There is something about their messaging that causes me to be repulsed and turn away. I know I shouldn’t be. I know they are angels making the world a better place.

Nonprofits make this horrible mistake when they say, “WE served 1,000 meals today.” They are saying “My organization is HOT!”

They could?have said, “Meet Sarah, whose life changed when she received her first nutritious meal in days."

What about, “Meet Sarah, whose life is changed thanks to our donor community.”

It’s More About the Speaker Than the Subject

When my friend broadcasts “My wife is hot!” it says more about his need for validation.

When nonprofits say “Look at our amazing organization!” it focuses on their institutional ego rather than the impact of their mission.

It Misses the Emotional Connection

My friend’s comments come across as crass and don’t acknowledge his wife’s depth of character, intelligence, and personality.

Likewise, nonprofits who never stop bragging about themselves fail to connect donors with the heart of their mission and the precious lives they are changing.

It Forces Me To Ignore Him

When my buddy posts something about his “hot” wife on social media, I can’t respond.

I don’t dare agree…

I don’t dare disagree, that would be mean…

Ignoring him is my only option. Do you really want me to help you determine if your wife is, in fact, uhm hot?

He thinks she is a 10. He should. But calling attention to her hotness doesn’t honor her as much as it creates an opportunity for us to judge her.

It’s awkward.

When nonprofits constantly produce content that brags about themselves it leaves me feeling awkward and I ignore them. What should?be beautiful and engaging is instead off-putting.

Good Advice For My Friend

• Share specific, meaningful observations about your wife
• Express appreciation for her noble character, actions and values
• Celebrate her growth and shared experiences
• Focus on the unique qualities that make your relationship special

Good Advice For Fundraisers:

• Tell stories about individual beneficiaries
• Share specific, meaningful impact
• Celebrate donor partnerships and shared achievements
• Focus on the transformation your donors make possible
• Celebrate the values your donors are paying for (donors don’t give to you, they give to their values)

Here’s a Real-World Example:

Organization-Centered (The “Hot Wife” Approach):?

“Our organization provided 50,000 meals last month! We’re amazing at feeding people! Look at our efficient food distribution system! Look at our staff!”

Donor-Centered (The “I Love Your Heart” Approach):?

“Maria used to go to bed hungry every night. But thanks to donors like you, she and 50,000 others now have nutritious meals that help them focus in school. Maria's favorite part? Having enough energy to play soccer with her friends after class. You made that possible.”

The Bottom Line

Just as a strong marriage requires deeper connection than surface-level compliments, effective fundraising needs more than organizational bragging. It requires authentic storytelling, emotional connection, and a genuine focus on the people whose lives are being transformed.

When it's all about you, donors bid adieu!

David