My Wife Is Angry At Me All The Time (Dealing With Anger In Marriage)

My wife is angry at me all the time - Dealing with anger in marriage.?

This article is for married men's eyes only. In it I give you the secret formula showing you how to instantly stop arguments with your wife.

Just imagine that for a minute. Never arguing with your wife again. Having a peaceful life and being able to use that non arguing time watching the sports on television. How good would that be? The secret formula always works. You just need to say these magic lines in this exact order and you will never have another argument again in your married life.

But before I tell you what these lines are you need to understand very briefly why your wife gets upset with you. She gets upset with you because you do not listen to what she says and invalidate her feelings.

For example:

Wife: Why are you always watching the football on TV. You never spend time with me. You: What do you mean I'm always watching TV. I rarely watch TV and we always do things together. Wife: That's rubbish, you care more about football than you do me etc etc etc.

You are now in an argument for the next hour and you are going to miss the football. The reason why the argument happened is because the Wife felt she was not being listened too and the man invalidated her feeling when he says "I rarely watch TV and we always do things together".

Therefore to avoid arguments all you have to do is simply demonstrate that you have listened to your wife and understood her feelings. Lets replay this argument using the magic words:

Wife: Why are you always watching the football on TV. You never spend time with me.

You: I really care about what you are saying and I understand why you are saying this as there are a lot of matches on at the minute. Your feelings are valid to me and I respect you for telling me at this time. Let me reassure you that once the match is over I will spend some time with you.

Wife: That's great. I love you. Thanks.

And that's it. You can use those lines for any situation. Just make sure you:

a) care about what she said

b) understand why she said it

c) tell her concerns are valid

c) respect her for bringing her this to your attention

d) reassure her that you will do later whatever she is asking of you

Follow these simple rules and you will never have another argument in your life.

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What Do Wives Really Want in a Husband??

Wives want a soulmate who they feel deeply connected to and they want emotional support and emotional intimacy. This means that they want a husband who will talk about his feelings and who values having an emotional connection.

So what's a husband who has neglected this important area of marriage to do? The first thing is to understand the necessity of emotional intimacy in a happy marriage. The second thing is to take action. The following steps are often presented in couples marriage counseling sessions and will help in making a beginning:

1. Set a time with your spouse when you can talk and process the day's events. Some days, you might only need ten or fifteen minutes to keep your emotional connection strong. On other days, you may have more to share and reflect on.

During this time with your spouse, make a real effort to share your feelings. When your wife talks, concentrate and listen to her. Listen to the feelings that are beneath the words she is saying. If you're not sure of something, check it out by asking a question.

So that you can give your spouse your full attention, turn off the TV, radio, and CD player during your time together. Take the phone off the hook and try to have uninterrupted time, if possible. Communicate by your words and your actions that you value this special time with your wife, and protect it from intrusions.

2. Push yourself past your comfort zone in making an effort to really share your feelings, problems, and concerns. I have known husbands who didn't share important happenings in their life because they didn't want to worry their wives. They didn't realize how left out and unnecessary their wife was going to feel when she found out later.

A common reaction is for a wife to feel that her husband doesn't really "need" her if he doesn't confide in her. Wives can feel very hurt and rejected when a husband doesn't share his feelings, challenges, hurts, and unresolved problems.

And if you bury your feelings of anger or resentment toward your wife about something that has happened, just because you feel uncomfortable having to express these feelings, you are setting the stage for bigger problems later on. If you're upset, state what you're feeling and why. Talk about the situation, look for a solution that's a win-win one for your marriage, and then let it go.

3. Watch your natural tendency to want to offer solutions prematurely when your wife brings up a decision she is wrestling with. Most men like to solve problems, and they also like to be helpful to their wives. So a husband's first reaction to hearing about a problem his wife is having is to want to offer a solution immediately.

This often irritates the wife, much to the surprise of the husband. His agenda is to solve the problem quickly and get it over with. Her agenda is to discuss the situation and process it with her husband. She doesn't necessarily want him to tell her what to do--she wants his listening ear. When a husband really understands this gender-based difference, he realizes that he doesn't have to feel pressure to solve his wife's problems. He just needs to listen and be supportive as she talks about them.

4. If you're experiencing continuing difficulty with expressing your feelings or handling negative emotions, consider working with a counselor to improve your skills. You might participate in some individual sessions as well as some joint marriage counseling sessions with your wife.

You might also experiment with writing your feelings in a notebook, working on capturing just the emotion you're feeling when situations occur. You could write a letter to your spouse stating your feelings if you're having difficulty expressing them verbally. Writing allows you to take your time and to be sure you're communicating exactly what you want to say in the best possible way.

5. Remember that most change occurs when you make a number of small steps in a new direction. You won't change overnight, but if you consistently keep trying to improve, your actions can have a significant impact on the quality of your marriage. And most wives don't expect their husband to change radically in a short time; they just want to see that he's at least making an effort to meet more of their emotional needs.

I have seen small actions on the part of a husband save a marriage. Wives want to know that their husbands care about them, that they value them, and that they want to be emotionally supportive. And they want to see the actions that accompany this: a real concern for their feelings, a desire to share intimate details of their life, and the motivation to connect daily on an emotional level.

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