THIS IS MY WHY, WHAT IS YOURS?

THIS IS MY WHY, WHAT IS YOURS?

For those that have not had the opportunity to purchase a copy of my book ‘The Survivors Guide To Your Career Today’ I want to share with you the initial chapter of “My Why”, we all need to be able to speak...

This is about understanding and experience.

This is a story of success.

Someone once asked me why I am doing this; my response was and always will be… to help people. This has always been my WHY, my motivation. This is what I believe we are here for, to help each other. That is how we survive, how we evolve, by helping each other.

By laying bare the very essence of what we have all experienced in life, this can be utilised to help many people who feel alone, without knowledge and do not know that others are going through the same experience, whatever that may be. By speaking out we can ALL win and help each other. The time is now!

Whilst I believe I have had a privileged upbringing, none more so than having a loving family and being born in London (UK), I have experienced a number of different events that made a significant and lasting impression on me.

For me, these all began when I was five years old…

My parents divorced, something that a very large number of families go through, especially in the Western world. Due to this, I did not spend a huge amount of time with my father growing up. It was really only at thirty, when I had children, that this started to materially change. This time has been great for everyone.

I am fortunate to have a loving mother and grandparents who took the mantle in my early years. My grandfather was an important role model for me, both personally and professionally. I was extremely lucky and I am eternally thankful to them all.

From around the age of six years old to date, I have had over forty-five operations, most of which were general anaesthetics (a major operation at sixteen had left me with minor nerve damage). As someone heavily involved in sports, I had a few injuries that needed other operations: a broken arm, snapped wrist, knee cartilage, ankle and foot operations. I was surprisingly not accident-prone.

I also suffered with asthma, which made it more difficult to play the sports I loved to be involved in daily. I lost quite a bit of time at school as a result of the operations and recovery time. That said, I was always in either the first or second team for every sport I played (about five), usually as captain. It was a responsibility I was privileged to receive, and something I always enjoyed.

In my opinion, great leaders do not lead. People need someone to believe in. Leaders go first and then others follow. Usually, either for money, belief, passion or a mixture. Leaders shine a light on the path ahead, believing in their convictions and passions. When you follow someone, follow someone you believe in and can respect.

At the age of thirteen, I was what you would call…fat (a word I hate to use), I was around 50lbs heavier than I am now. I was called names, but never harshly. I was always sporty and this helped more than anything else. To be fair, I am not sure I really cared until I was about sixteen, when I started noticing the opposite sex. Being big has always stayed with me and I certainly eat a lot differently now to what I used to eat. My family love to remind me of the number of pizzas and hot dogs I used to eat – what can I say, I like my food. Still do!

During my upbringing, after the divorce of my parents, my siblings had their own personal difficulties. I remember different parts of these times and I am delighted to see the strength, drive and passion of them both, as well as the success it has brought to them.

Around the same time that my siblings were going through their own difficulties, I had a difficult relationship with a girl I loved dearly, who was from another country. After nearly three years of an intense relationship, we separated. It was then, after she had returned home, she told me that she was pregnant and was unsure if it was with my child (something I never believed). Following a confusing and turbulent three years, the truth was revealed and the child was not mine. This was a situation I had to deal with alone at the time. My family was “focusing on helping my siblings and I did not want them to have any additional stress. Unfortunately, this had an impact on other relationships around me for some years, until I discovered the truth.

This is something I do not blame anyone for. I have come to realise that we all have our reasons at the time to make certain decisions. We are all still learning; we will always be learning.

Moving on…

At thirty-three I slipped a disc in my back and had to wear a metal brace for six months. This made me look like a poor man’s Iron Man, rather than anything else. At that time, I was deeply concerned that I would never be able to carry my children or play with them in the park again. That was a tough moment. The only way to get through those situations is to take one day at a time. We can never look too far in to the future and be obsessed with what might be. We can only ever affect this present moment. This present moment is the ONLY one that exists.

One small step at a time. One foot in front of another.

“More recently, it has been found that I have a total of seven damaged discs throughout my spine and I have been told that I have something called Non-Radiographic Ankylosing Spondylitis. This is an inflammatory disease of the spine. This is most certainly another experience to experience. Something to learn and assist others with. I am fortunate to be under very good medical care and will continue to progress positively.

This is the reason why I have chosen to make a donation from the profits of this book to the National Ankylosing Spondylitis Society (NASS), to help them advance their research and assist the many thousands who rely on them daily.

This is not a sob story. This is a success story.

I would not change a single experience I have been able to journey through. While I would not want to relive these experiences again, each one of these experiences has made me become the person I am today. That is not something I want to change.

Why am I describing these personal details about me and my life?

These experiences, mine or yours, do not define who you are in life; they shape you. They shape you in to the person you can be. You can either choose to be a victim of these experiences or use them to motivate and better yourself, and those around you.

The choices in life are always yours and yours alone. Do not let others define who you are, let YOU define the person you want to become.

Be positive in everything you do!

Choose to be a SURVIVOR!”

Excerpt From

The Survivor's Guide to Your Career Today

Oliver Rolfe

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