My Wedding, Values and Money

On the outside I spent WAY too much money on my wedding. I won’t even name the number or even the range here, but it was a lot. My good financial planning hat sometimes tells me how that money would have grown had I invested it over the past 10 years (yes, I paid for my own wedding), but I do not care, and I would spend the money again. And it is not what you think.

August 2nd, 2013 was one of the best days of my life. I got my hair done. I went to a Hanson show. The love of my life asked me to marry him. My normally very unromantic then boyfriend took me to where we had our first kiss and asked me to be his wife. He had me fooled and it was the best and most welcome surprise.

Just 11 days later was one of the worst days of my life when my dad died, and my world was flipped on its axis.

Deep in grief, a new job with mega responsibility and managing life around me, we decided to not put our wedding on hold. It was the lifeline I needed on many days to focus on something beautiful and happy in a very dark time.

Planning went ahead in full force. I picked a venue, that included having to call the NFL to get a date settled (that is another story). I got a dress. Photographer. My best friend’s mother was the amazing saint of a wedding designer who brought the vision to life. I sewed tablecloths. My husband learned to cut glass to use wine bottles as table décor. The food was amazing. Someone I love dearly married us. Being the type A perfectionist that I am, every little detail was obsessed over, and nothing was overlooked. It was an all-consuming project as weddings are.

When I look back on that day, I am so grateful for it, not only because it started my family, but it truly allowed me to keep from sinking into a dark place. To focus on my love for my now husband and our union was the brightness I needed at that time. The business of planning and activities; being forced to be around friends and family; letting people love me and take care of me, it all kept me going.

On that day, yes it was about our union and all those who came to celebrate, but it was also a party for those who had supported me and my family through a horrible time. We were surrounded by people that showed up and continued to show up. I look back at the pictures with fondness to see those that were there. It was one heck of a party.

So, when I have my 10-year anniversary this September I will look back with love for my husband, but also profound gratitude for the ability to have it and what it gave me. It gave me the ability to keep putting on foot in front of the other. It gave me the perspective of you can choose to sink or swim, and I choose to swim.

That is what aligning values and money means. It is not always doing the sensible thing, but it is what money can give you in a time of need or time of importance. It is saying this is important to me and why this matters financially. It gives you a lifeline when you need it or an opportunity to look forward to. It breathes life into your life. And it is not always as grand as a wedding, but rather a cup of coffee and a daily conversation. Don't give up on what gives you life.