My Way Isn’t THE Way

This will be controversial, but I am not always right. If it makes you feel better, “they” are of course wrong, but not always. Let me explain.

Upon returning home from my last trip, a series of things happened in quick succession and I found myself getting really frustrated. I stopped and asked myself, “What else could be going on?”

My first morning home after being on the road, was the same as to be expected until it wasn’t. I woke up early (time zone problems), let the dogs out, and walked into the kitchen, started the coffee. Typically, while the kettle comes to a boil (French press – don’t judge!), I put dishes away, and restock the kitchen. As I put the dishes away, I found an empty ice tray. I look at the ice tray in dismay and fill it up with water and put it in the freezer. I find some asparagus ends on the counter, so I put them in the compost. To refill the coffee grounds, I pull out the large bag and see it tied up with string and that it has been torn open instead of using the resealable sticker. I go to throw the string away and realize there is a load of laundry in the washing machine. I can’t transfer it to the dryer because there is a load inside that needs to be folded. After pouring the boiling water into the French press, I fold the laundry, start the dryer, refill the coffee grounds container, and replace the dishrack on the counter from inside the sink. This is how I start most mornings at home. I have a routine of tasks that I do to support the household and do these while I am just waking up to start the day. After plunging the French press, it was time to give the dogs their dental chew, and I found the bulk plastic bag torn open from the side instead of using the twist tie, or better yet, opening the bag and refilling the container. This is when I got frustrated.

I stopped and asked myself, “What else could be going on?” I begin to giggle when I take note of what else is going on. Loren has pulled the garbage cans inside the carport as well as the dog beds from the back yard as it is starting to rain. I hadn’t noticed the rain. He made small talk while I was refilling the dental chew container about the state of the flowers and plants in the yard and in the garden that he noticed while he was “scooping the poop” before the rain started. I hadn’t noticed he planted a new garden, with the compost that he emptied, tilled, and has been watering for days.

We often talk about how there are two different types of people, 1) me that avoids walking around the backyard or does so looking at my feet to avoid poop and 2) my husband that notices changes in clouds, light, budding flowers, and occasionally that he has stepped in dog poop.

What I find interesting is that the other morning, I was questioning the sanity of my partner and reconstructing an old joke about how many degrees does it take to learn how to make ice when I also hadn’t noticed things. Let’s be clear, there is a correct way to open containers, do laundry, etc., and there are other ways that get the job done and no one notices a difference. At least until it is noticed. My way is just that.

The dental chews need to be in an airtight container, so they don’t go stale. Really? Will my dogs turn down their favorite treats due to being stale? I doubt it. I could argue that the bag should be opened correctly but I hadn’t put them where they belong and had, I if the twisty tie had gotten wet or difficult to untwist, I would have ripped open a hole, dump the chews into the bin, and recycled the bag. So, who cares? Evidently, I do, because this happened days ago, and I am still thinking about it.

Loren and I talked about what I notice and what I don’t and there is a long list of things that he notices I don’t notice. Hmm. Yes, it is true he likes his way of doing these chores or tasks and I would do them differently, but I don’t even notice he has done them. That’s annoying.

It is also the case that my right way may not matter in the least if there is a way to get the job done. I was talking about this with my shrink and you won’t believe what happened. I learned that my way isn’t the way. Duh.

I’m curious – what is your way?

Monday is garbage day. Sunday evening, to take the garbage out, I would think one would, of course, walk around the house to get all of the garbage cans and then return to the main can in the kitchen and take out everything to the curb. Loren only takes the main can out to the curb, but if a smaller can fills up, whenever that is, he will dump the smaller can into the main can when necessary. This is still mind-boggling to me. I explain his bizarre process, mostly around my definition of every Sunday being necessary. (It is important to mention that I almost never take the garbage out to the curb. I am typically out of town or already in bed when this happens and yet I have a strong opinion.) My shrink looked at me straight in the eyes and said Loren’s way is the right way. Blasphemy!

Either way, the trash goes out when it is necessary. Ice is optional on a cold rainy day. Dogs like treats. Laundry gets done. Dishes get washed (I don’t do this job) and put away.

My way is a way. I can learn new ways. I can judge other ways.