Not On My Watch!: Navigating Leadership Challenges with Grace and Boundaries

People often look at the salaries and titles of leaders and assume that a higher position equals a better life. In reality, it's often the opposite. This past week reminded me of this hard truth. After a beautiful article was written about me following an interview with the Los Angeles Sentinel (which I’ll share later this week), I found myself sitting in my car, contemplating the complexities of leadership.

Loving my team members deeply while being disappointed by some of their lack of growth is a challenge I wrestle with. I see the beauty and potential in each of them, and it hurts to witness bad behavior, gossip, poor work-life balance, and emotional dysregulation. It scares me to think that they might sabotage themselves and, by extension, the team I desperately want them to succeed in.

As a servant leader, my role can be filled with hardship. Recently, I made the decision that, from now on, I will not tolerate behaviors that negatively impact our global team. Some may rebel against these new boundaries, unaccustomed to me setting them, but what they don’t understand is the personal toll their actions take on me. It leaves a deep hole in my heart that takes time and strength to repair. And the hardest truth I’ve learned this week? My own well-being must come before theirs.

The Power of Difficult Conversations

Last week, I spent time with one of my strongest teams, a group with a solid personal and professional connection and a shared commitment to service. After an event, a casual conversation quickly turned into a venting session. Normally, this team doesn’t complain, but as I facilitated what became an impromptu mediation, I witnessed something beautiful.

Their vulnerability and passion were laid bare, and by the end of our discussion, they hugged it out and moved on. This kind of healing is only possible when mutual trust, respect, and love are present within a team. We tend to over-operationalize our teams, but sometimes, it’s okay to step back, take a walk, and get all that pent-up stuff out. I’m incredibly proud of this team for addressing what needed to be said and moving forward without carrying drama or disdain. This is the kind of honest, head-on communication that we need more of in our companies—self-advocacy, respect, and the courage to face tough challenges, even when the outcome isn't entirely in one’s control.

The Strain of Leadership and the Need for Boundaries

As a leader and a coach for other leaders, I have an unshakeable faith in people—sometimes to my detriment. I constantly find myself torn between being a servant to my individual team members and serving the global team as a whole. I know their weaknesses and growth trajectories, and I watch as they make small, incremental changes. But when their behavior starts to impact the overall team culture, it becomes a serious problem.

These past few weeks, I’ve set boundaries to distance myself from negativity, gossip, and unproductive venting. It’s simply too much, and it drains my spirit. I’ve realized that my needs as a leader must come first, and one of those needs is to work in peace. I also have a responsibility to protect my global team from harm, doubt, apathy, and chronic negativity.

I often wonder how leaders like Mother Teresa or Nelson Mandela managed the delicate balance of nurturing individual growth while safeguarding the collective morale and productivity of their teams. Did they, too, struggle with the decision to separate from those who weren’t growing fast enough to prevent the spread of negativity? It’s a tough call, but it’s one that leaders must be willing to make.

Meeting Negativity with Empathy

At a recent event that required collaboration from outside my usual teams, I encountered several external collaborators who were not on the same page. They weren’t bad people, but their actions—whether passive-aggressive, disengaged, or simply less than what was acceptable—challenged me.

I bit my tongue, lifted them up with empathy and grace, and focused on the greater good of our shared goal. Even though their collaborative behaviors fell short, I chose to show empathy for their positions. This wasn’t just for my own sanity but for the success of the program we worked so hard to put together. Sometimes, taking the high road means recognizing effort, even when it doesn’t meet expectations. By maintaining composure and focusing on the collective good, we can turn a potentially disruptive situation into a successful outcome.

Reflecting on the Limitations of Leadership

Last night, I had dinner with my sister Gwen and poured my heart out about the emotional weight that executives, especially servant leaders, carry when no one is watching. I told her that I consider myself a great coach and healer of people, systems, and businesses. I even confessed that in some interactions, I’ve hoped I could heal my team members from the behaviors that hold them back. I wanted to be able to say “Be Healed” and see them become more supportive, strong, and team-oriented.

But Gwen reminded me of something profound: “You can’t heal anyone. Only God can.” That truth hit me hard. Surrender is difficult for leaders because we’re used to controlling outcomes. But it’s okay to say, like Iyanla Vanzant, “Not on my watch!” I won’t allow my health, my team, or our mission to suffer because of my heart for people in their growth areas.

We all need to grow, but sometimes that growth isn’t fast enough to keep up with the demands of our positions. And, if we’re honest, we often overestimate our own leadership maturity. That’s a hard truth to accept, but it’s a necessary one.

My friends, leadership isn’t just about guiding others—it’s about setting boundaries, maintaining your own well-being, and making tough decisions for the greater good. As much as we want to be healers and nurturers, we must remember that we can’t save everyone. Some will grow, some won’t, and some may need to step away for the health of the whole. But by leading with grace, empathy, and a commitment to the collective, we can navigate these challenges with strength and integrity.

Be Bold. Be Compassionate. Be Unyielding. Be Cautious.

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Be Healed.

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Dr. Golden