My Truth: Miscarriage & Maternity ...

I greatly enjoyed listening to Tara Ryan, Monzo Bank, on the London local news last week; truly and sincerely leading by example, before legislation may be enforced to put in place a policy for miscarriages to ensure employees are treated respectfully with the greatest compassion to support the physical and mental well-being in such times of loss and grieving. Long overdue, in my opinion, and I dread to think how many women and their partners have been beaten down by savage employers whilst in the deep throes of agony and grief, which inevitably stick as a sore and scarring wound on top of the existing heartbreak and torture.

These discussions stirred up feelings in me, making it the right time for me to share my truth.

Eleven years ago, newly married, my husband and I were blessed and overjoyed to find out that we were pregnant. As many couples do we refrained from telling too many people until the first trimester had safely passed, still, there were a few exceptions for immediate family,?and my 'boss' (not 'leader') whom I directly worked for many years; we wanted to respectfully confide in them that we were 6 weeks pregnant as I was suffering mild morning sickness that they may likely pick up on, plus the need for medical appointments.

Devastatingly, at nearly 9 weeks we had a painful and unexpected miscarriage. When I called my boss to explain my absence from work that day, I was met with some sympathy and I was requested to keep them posted on my expected return to work. After a couple of days, they called me stating that they thought it would be best for me to return to work as they were hectic and suggested that my work would take my mind off what has happened telling me nothing was going to change by me 'moping around' at home. I was dumbfounded and bizarrely agreed to return to the office. Within moments of returning to my office, this boss revealed that they had put the wheels in motion for my maternity cover; cover being in the form of their know best personal friend, whom they stated that they were not prepared to disappoint their friend by withdrawing the offer. I tactfully mentioned I felt this was a breach of trust as the news was shared respectfully in confidence and that under the circumstances those plans would need to go on hold, still, this boss was insistent that their plans would remain as it was I was 'evidently trying for a baby' and their friend had handed in their notice. Their friend would be imminently joining and would work within the business to shadow and learn.

Some months later we fell pregnant and I remained working hard until just a few days before the birth; anxiety had prevented me from leaving my post early in fear of repercussions. Whilst on maternity with our baby just a few weeks old (plus silently coping with PND) a colleague informed me that they had in their hand a communication between my boss and an external HR advisor (based on-site in the shared Egham office building) setting out plans to 'restructure' and make me 'redundant', setting out offering the covering friend a permanent role with a substitute title to side-step complications. HR had fallen within my remit of duties at this company, so how on earth they thought I could not see through all these 'manoeuvres' is astounding ... or plain dumb - you decide?

Upon receipt of the information I called the boss and asked to meet for a civilised and sensible off-site chat to discuss their intentions, and thoughts - I was nervously told on that call that there would be no chat and that I could expect all communications to be in written form via their new HR outsourced (on-site) advisor. All further attempts to contact my boss were futile and I was ghosted not only by my boss but by all my colleagues.

A letter arrived instructing me to attend a formal meeting, which made standard reference to my right to be accompanied by a colleague or trade union rep (we did not have a TU); I reached out to multiple colleagues who contritely revealed to me that they were strictly instructed that they must have no contact with me, as I had been 'suspended' and it was implied that their jobs might be at risk if any further information was shared or discussed with me personally or professionally and that any attempt of contact must be reported.

Being a capable HR professional I was confident to attend the meeting alone, ensuring I requested full notes following the meeting; the notes were incomplete and inaccurate, and when I queried the minutes their attendees (c.3) nonchalantly refused to agree to amend the records. Hence, I called on a valued Trade Union Representative from my trusted network to accompany me to the following meeting. At this stage they decided to flip the 'restructure and redundancy' conversations to 'gross misconduct' claims; suggesting that in my unusual personal break time I had sent an email from my work account to my personal account with a link to a 'maternity and baby' website without having sought written consent from the boss ... don’t ... don't even go there ... I know!

My new baby, my Post-Natal Depression (PND), and the recent news of my Dad having cancer were taking their toll on my physical and mental wellbeing; this was discretely hinted at when leaving the meeting when it was implied 'didn’t I have enough on my plate than to not want to distress myself pursuing this matter'. I had a strong case for a tribunal, still, my family and wellbeing come first (which they knew): I believe that some employers perhaps count on wearing individuals down. We came to a settlement, and I signed the typical agreement not to discuss figures or finer details.?I left with my respect and my head held high, and the company seemed to learn little as it was later communicated to me that a younger employee experienced miscarriage mistreatment yet again after my incident.

Guess what .. that 'boss' was a woman ... and mother, herself ... #MindBlowing!

I am grateful as I trust in fate, and destiny (and a lot of hard work) has taken me higher and happier than ever, personally and professionally. I will share my truths, not to disgrace, humiliate, or seek vengeance, but to take my learning to guide and support others to confidently stand up for their rights enabling their best selves if confronted with mistreatment, lack of empathy, or emotional intelligence.

If this rings true to you, in any way, please feel free to DM me or comment below - we have such a terrific, compassionate network of support here on LinkedIn.