My tribe - Where do I belong? Who are my people?

In a world that is increasingly becoming “Me, Me, Me” the “We” often gets lost. School, college, job, family, hobbies, sport, religion, social media, these are all opportunities to find your tribe. If you are lucky enough to have connected with your kind of people in these spaces, hold on to them. If not, go out there and find them. Find your people. Create a tribe.

Family is the only one you don’t get to choose. It is a fundamental unit, the original tribe. If we are lucky we get all the belonging, we need from our homes. If not the longing for belonging has to be quenched somewhere else. 

The best way to be part of a tribe is to help others in the tribe settle in and begin to feel like they belong. If you approach life with this mind set and openness you will find that your tribes keep growing.

Imagine a new team member joined your organisation today. What was her first day like?

My three pointers on how to make someone feel that they belong: (1) Give them your time and attention (2) Give them your support (sometimes this means pushing them to out of their comfort zones) and (3) Give them your gratitude and thanks.

And in doing so you will find that you belong. 

Give time and attention: Did she feel welcomed and valued? Did she get a clear picture of what the new place was all about? Did she have someone offer to help her order lunch? Did she have people other than her immediate team who spoke to her? Did they make her feel good to be part of this new place? Will she get a clear view of how her performance will be evaluated? Did she have someone induct her into her new role?

Give support:“I’ve got your back. ” “I do believe you have done better in the past, is everything all right, can I help you with anything?” 

Give gratitude and thanks:“You are doing the right things.” “ We love the energy you bring to everything you do, it is contagious, thank you for being part of our team.”

These are the kinds of things you can say and do, to create a sense of belonging. 

Look around you. Wherever you are there are happy people and there are grumblers. The happy ones have found their tribe or created their tribe. They enjoy the company and camaraderie of their peer group, they are valued by their bosses and have a troop of followers who are proud to be part of the tribe. 

The grumbler, is the opposite. Nobody is happy to have her in the team. Nobody wants her as a boss. Nothing is ever good enough. Gloom and doom follows her around. Individuals who are isolated sometimes lose their way and head towards grumble-ville. Don’t let that happen. Find them and help them find their people.

If there is one thing that I have learnt recently, it is that you have to participate in order to continue to enjoy being part of the tribe. I was a part of a tennis gang, and I had to stop playing for a few months. Thanks to a WhatsApp group, I am a non-playing participant in the antics of that particular tribe. But it’s not the same. I’m not there with them every weekend. At least not in person. I’m there in spirit. Technology is a good support to the bonds of being part of a tribe, but the real deal is out there on the court. Go play the game. Win or lose it does not matter. Participate. Serve, volley, forehand, backhand. Game, set and match and then we play again.

I look forward to being back out there with them soon. But till then my tennis tribe continues to rally behind me virtually and I cheer them on every weekend. Gangs that hang together, grow. Others, grow apart.

A sense of belonging. A strength of knowing. You have your place and you know your place. My tribe, the people who I look out for and those who look out for me. The people I laugh with and cry with and have fun with. My people. We all want to belong, to matter, to care and to care for.

If you have found your place in a tribe (even if it’s only for a little while), you are in a good space. Enjoy it. May your tribes flourish and grow.