My Top Five Books for 2020

1. Try Softer (read by the author on Audible)

This one's so good, I've listened to it twice, and I'm still digesting its many many many nuggets of truth. I'll probably listen again in the next few months. Here's a summary from the publisher: "In a world that preaches a "try harder" gospel-just keep going, keep hustling, keep pretending we're all fine-we're left exhausted, overwhelmed, and so numb to our lives. If we're honest, we've been overfunctioning for so long, we can't even imagine another way. How else will things get done? How else will we survive? It doesn't have to be this way. Aundi Kolber believes that we don't have to white-knuckle our way through life. Try Softer describes how God specifically designed our bodies and minds to work together to process our stories and work through obstacles. Through the latest psychology, practical clinical exercises, and her own personal story, Aundi equips and empowers us to connect us to our truest self and truly live. This is the "try softer" life. In Try Softer, you'll learn how to: know and set emotional and relational boundaries; make sense of the difficult experiences you've had; identify your attachment style-and how that affects your relationships today; move through emotions rather than get stuck by them; and grow in self-compassion and talk back to your inner critic. Trying softer is sacred work. And while it won't be perfect or easy, it will be worth it. Because this is what we were made for: a living, breathing, moving, feeling, connected, beautifully incarnational life."

2. Will the Circle Be Unbroken?: A Memoir of Learning to Believe You're Gonna be Okay by Sean Dietrich (also read by the author on Audible)

I've read Sean's blog, Sean of the South for years and love his perspective, humor, and optimism. I laughed at the stories of his fundamentalist Baptist upbringing filled with fried chicken and fellowship halls. I cried at the stories connected to losing his dad as a child. I sang along when he played, "Will the Circle Be Unbroken" as if it were written with the sole purpose of being performed for this book by Sean's deep southern bass-rich voice. From the publisher's summary: "Will the Circle Be Unbroken? is the story of what happens after the unthinkable, and the journey we all must make in finding the courage to stop the cycles of the past from laying claim to our future"

3. Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life by Richard Rohr

This one gave me a new framework for thinking about two very distinct phases of life. Here's a summary from the publisher: "In the first half of life, we are naturally preoccupied with establishing ourselves; climbing, achieving, and performing. But as we grow older and encounter challenges and mistakes, we need to see ourselves in a different and more life-giving way. This message of falling down - that is in fact moving upward - is the most resisted and counterintuitive of messages in the world's religions."

4. The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever by Michael Bungay Stanier

Super practical. Essentially, if you master when and how to use these 7 questions, you can help anyone accomplish almost anything: What’s on your mind? And what else? What’s the real challenge for you? What do you want? (What do you REALLY want?) How can I help? What will you say "No" to if you’re really saying yes to this? What was the most useful part of our conversation?

5. To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings by John O'Donahue

I've never really found much joy in reading poetry, but this one changed that for me. It's a book of short poems and blessings for the extraordinary and everyday events of life. Hat tip to Emily P Freeman's podcast for introducing me to John O'Donahue. I read this book cover to cover in about three days in late March at the height of my pandemic anxiety, and I found it extremely orienting in a time of deep disorientation. I highly recommend listening to him read a few of his poems on YouTube before you start reading so you can get his delightful Irish accent into your head first.