My Top 5 Learnings from my failings

Failing a year ago, I cried and I kept trying – I say NO to failure.

It’s this type of attitude and mindset that is key for long-term resilience – determination.

Stuck in my mind is the memory that this is the word that my mum used to describe me: ‘determination’. Four years ago, when I moved to Barcelona, gave up my dream job role with no partner and a handful of friends in Barcelona… I started my first ever coaching journey.

My Coach handed me the exercise to go out and ask trusted friends, colleagues, and loved ones – how they would describe me in 3 words.

Now, any of my clients might be jumping up at this point reading this! I also share the same exercise with my clients; to go out and get another perspective of how others see them.

It’s an invaluable exercise, because suddenly you realise – maybe I’m more confident, courageous strong, resilient, capable… etc. than I realised.

So still stuck in my memory bank is my mum describing me as ‘determined’ (oh yeh, pffff determined alright, she said). I remember in that moment I blinked and looked at her. I had never thought about myself as determined.

Stubborn, annoying, controlling, perfectionist yes.

Determined?

Huh, there’s a thought.

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One year ago, I was in one of the worst mindsets I’ve ever experienced.

I was struggling with my self-confidence, levels of self-efficacy and my overall empowerment. I felt like I was trapped inside my own body.

It was three months after I had decided to turn my passion of coaching into a long-term business – without any other sources of income that related to anything outside of the coaching world.

I had not realised how truly hard this journey would feel building something alone as well as carrying the heaviest load of all – Can I pay my rent next month? Can I put food on the table?

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?I had never been in that situation before where I was looking at my bank balance and thinking hmmm, this is weird, I don’t have any space to consider anything other than the essentials of survival – roof over my head, food on the table.

I had ploughed all my savings into moving to Barcelona - I knew what I was doing. I chose my chaos to move here on my own… no relocation package and safety net for me. And then with anything else left over and future earnings, I put it all into my professional coaching training and accreditation.

Even when at times when I wasn’t sure if I could meet my essentials of survival… I still put everything into my professional training as a Coach. Supporting others longer term wasn’t just a side thing – it has become my purpose, my joy, and part of my identity.

When you put armour on in a war – it’s temporary. It is a protective layer that separates you from the world’s danger.

My coaching armour had marked me.

It wasn’t just something I put on or off. It had become a part of my skin, who I am and who I want to be.

One year ago, I started my own personal coaching journey again, noticing that as I passed each day without no clue what to do next to build my coaching business, I was shifting into a darker place. A place where I felt no hope and no connection to my self-efficacy. ?I really did not know what to do. Trapped and yet lost at the same time – my thoughts started showing up from the darker place.

“You can’t do this.”

“You’ll never be an entrepreneur.”

“Why would anyone want to choose YOU as a coach?”

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Hopping on the rollercoaster, there were good days and bad days.

There were lighter days and darker days.

There were ideas and blocks.

There were moments of satisfaction, and then the emptiness would set in.

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Every night I would go to bed afraid.

What does tomorrow have in store for me?

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You could never tell from the outside.

There’s Mehibe – the strong, confident one.

And from the inside, you’d see a grey, heavy fog rumbling, what have you done? You gave up your career for what??

Even writing this now, I connect back to that feeling of being lost, feeling stuck, heaviness, and knowing – I am failing.

And that’s OK! I can see that now. I know that I spent months and months failing one thing after the other!

I had launched The Happiness ROI Programme – a ten week campaign to support expats withinin two communities in Barcelona to increase their overall happiness levels. I laugh thinking about that time. I spent about 5,000 euros to brand it, set up the website, operationally run it and during the ten weeks I didn’t get a single email or enquiry from anyone! There was a feature every two weeks from “an anonymous person” seeking guidance from me about their wellbeing – Juan, 35 IT Project Manager; Julia, 38, small entrepreneur….

They didn’t exist.

I was having to make up a profile and an issue just to have content.

Died-a-little-inside-as-every-week-went-on.

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I also had incidents where Coachees would either start with me, or look to kick off signing contracts etc, but then would disappear or give me an odd reason not to continue. Is it me? Is it them?

I had tried to launch a Global Mobility group coaching programme – with no enquiries back. I know now that something liek this is an invaluable resource and empowerment anchor now – (watch out GM it’s coming in 2025!) But at this point, I really didn’t understand what I needed to do and how difficult this would be. You don’t fill a successful group coaching programme with little visibility, little advertising and little engagement with your target audience…

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Let’s continue with my failings…

I had pitched to the biggest expat therapy centre to take a chance on me and onboard me as their one and only Coach to broaden their services. Even though the CEO loved the idea, and she liked me – it didn’t go anywhere.

Then I had a corporate programme fall through… right at the moment where my essentials for survival needed it the most.

No wonder I spent the majority of 2024 in darkness and crying – nothing felt like it was working.

Oh, and I also forgot to mention investing a 1,000 Euros to a cold-calling-Linked In campaign thing… sheesh. I was totally na?ve. Who would ever trust a coach that they don’t know, especially if they’ve been cold sold on an annoying email!

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So what has brought me from there to here?

Mum, you were onto something – determination.

And I’ll throw in The Power of Courage, because Courage needs to be fuelled by determination.

I failed.

But I’m not a failure.

Nothing good comes from failure.

Everything great comes from failings.

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So, here’s my 5 Top Learnings from my Failings:

1. Failing is different to failure.

Failing means I try an idea, it doesn’t work, I feel disappointed maybe even sadness, but I pick myself up and try again. Failing is about hope: moving closer to a better outcome.

Learning: It’s inevitable to keep failing and it’s a necessary process to grow.

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2. I am not a failure.

Failure means I stop trying, shifting from a mindset of determination to apathy. Apathy is my best version’s enemy: it means I’ve stop caring. And I can never stop caring about something that fires me up.

Learning: Determination is a key fuel for courage.

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3. You can’t grow alone.

The turnaround in my mindset came when I asked for professional help – a business coach and mentor – to help me build the necessary skills, process and approach to give myself a CHANCE to succeed. Trying to ‘make myself a successful entrepreneur’ on my own wasted energy, time, money and nearly cost me my determination.

Learning: Being capable and having potential for success is not the same as being an expert in a particular industry or field. Ask for help from professionals during big transitional periods in life.

4. Trust is earned, not a given.

Investing time, energy and resources into showing others my credibility, my experience and the value of my partnership is key to building trust with people.

Learning: Building trust takes time and it’s based on forming human and vulnerable relationships with people.

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5. Let people see the real and genuine version of you.

Sharing my vulnerability doesn’t make me weak. In fact, it just shows how imperfection is shared by us all! And that means we are all in this together. No one wants to partner with a ‘know-it-all’ or someone who is perfect and gets it right all the time.

Learning: Investing energy to mask my vulnerabilities and pretend to be perfect and have it altogether, all the time – is exhausting. Real people partner with genuine humans.

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Build your Confidence by powering up your Determination to unlock the Power of Courage - to just go for it!

It's easier to feel progress and see the change you want in yourself and your life when you invest your energy in the most valuable way possible....

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Coaching can be so beneficial for our personal and professional development. Partnering with someone who understands the world of Global Mobility and the specific pressures and fears you're facing is not only more helpful and supportive - it's so good to work on yourself who has been there and understands you.

Let's have a 30-minute-friendly-chat about how I can make this journey easier for you - so you can start to enjoy life and your work.

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