My top 10 learnings about networking - written by a Reluctant Networker

In 2010 I published The Reluctant Networker - a book written for people who know they ought to network more but would ideally prefer not to! I run a consulting business - all our non-repeat work comes from networking and we also use our network to help us deliver great work. To mark the 10th anniversary of the publication, here are my top 10 learnings about networking, based on my experience first in corporate roles and running my own business for the last 15 years.

Learning #1: Start with the relationship and not the transaction

One of the few rays of sunshine in the covid-19 crisis has been a desire (even need) for us to connect with others as human beings, not just as, say, a colleague, customer, or a ‘connection’. Life at work and home gets busier each year, leaving less and less time for human interaction as we focus on our ‘to do’ lists.

It has been refreshing to get beyond the “How are you?" "Great, how are you?" "Great too” banalities and have an authentic exchange so that we connect as human beings.

And yet many people are put off networking because of a perception that it is all about ‘transactions’…not helped by networking meetings that focus on your ‘elevator pitch’ and the courses that explain how you should ‘work the room’ at an event.

So, if this ‘transactional’ approach to networking makes you feel uncomfortable, try starting with ‘so who are you?’ rather than ‘so what do you do?’ and focus on building great relationships…the benefits will flow from there.

Learning #2: Great relationships open up your network’s networks

This builds from learning #1 “start with the relationship, not the transaction”.

LinkedIn used to publish ‘network statistics’ showing how many 2nd and 3rd degree connections each of us has. Back then I had ca 250 2nd degree connections for every 1st degree one. Applying that ratio today (and as membership of LinkedIn has grown the 250:1 ratio is conservative) means my ca 2,000 1st degree connections give me access to ca 500,000 2nd degree connections.

A lot has been written about the power of a referral, but as with the ‘transactional’ approach, feeling under pressure to make a referral also puts many of us off networking.

In contrast when we network with people where we have built a personal relationship, helping each other out with introductions to relevant, 2nd degree connections is a pleasure. Human beings are naturally collaborative, and we like to help each other out…because we choose to rather than feel obliged to.

So, build great relationships and see how this helps you tap into your network’s networks.

Learning #3: Just because you are ‘reluctant’ does not mean you aren’t highly effective.

At a talk that I gave, I was once introduced as a ‘converted reluctant networker’. I said a better description was that I had moved from being an ‘ineffective' to an 'effective' (but still) reluctant networker. My point was that for many of us, networking is not a ‘natural’ activity that we love. So while I have found lots of ways to network that I am comfortable doing, I would still not describe myself as a ‘natural’ networker.

And yet, when I did a project audit on the 10th anniversary of my consulting business, I was struck by the insight that every new project (except for just one!) came via someone in our network.

And networking is not just about finding new work. Our network has been invaluable in terms of helping us deliver great projects, through finding experts to join us or filling in gaps in our knowledge.

So please don’t think that just because you are ‘reluctant’ you need to undergo a personality change to be able to network effectively. I know many highly effective 'reluctant' networkers.

Learning #4: Networking is for ALL of us not just owners, bosses, and salespeople

A misconception I hear goes along the lines of ‘it is a good thing, but (as I already have a job) it’s not really for people at my level/in my role’. The implication is that it is for people at senior levels, in sales, and owners.

But as noted in learning #3, my colleagues and I have seen how a strong network has helped us not only to WIN work but also to DO the work. In this digital information era, we are expected to have answers to everything instantly. There is so much information available, but it can take an age to find what you are looking for and its accuracy is not always reliable.

Instead, why not tap into your network. If you have built great relationships (see learning #1), it is amazing how helpful your connections are if you ask to ‘pick their brains’ to help fill gaps in your knowledge. It is a great way to stay ahead of new developments in your sector. And it is a useful way to ‘check out’ potential new recruits and business partners, so that you are not just relying on what they choose to tell you.

Learning #5: Networking is a 2-way thing; if it’s 1-way it’s selling dressed up as networking

“Life’s most…urgent question: what are you doing for others?” This M Luther King Jr quote sums up the spirit of true networking. It is not all about what you can get, but also what you can give. How about this from Zig Zigler: “You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”

Most humans are by nature collaborative. We like to help others and are more likely to help those that helped us. I have been amazed at the generous help people have offered when I have asked for it. The key is to enter each conversation (even when in ‘I need help’ mode) with a 2-way mindset of ‘give and take’.

And if you are still in doubt, one of our most lucrative projects came from when I was in ‘helping’ mode. A friend asked me to help a contact of his as he had just gone freelance. For almost an hour I was passing on advice. Right at the end of the call, he offered an introduction to a client that needed my company’s services…now have another read of the Zig Zigler quote above!

Learning #6: Time = value…so long as you invest

Ask any effective networker about the key ingredients for their successful relationships and I’m sure that ‘trust’ will be high on the list.

That trust takes time and effort to build. The fact that I have known someone for years, and that we have maintained some degree of contact already counts for a lot. I am more likely to trust someone like this than someone I have just met. Of course, a deeper relationship is likely to lead to a higher degree of trust.

So, this effort or investment does not need to be time-consuming. A recent project that my team completed was given to us by a former colleague. We had worked together over 15 years ago. Since then we had only kept in touch briefly via LinkedIn but that was enough. When the opportunity arose, he gave us the work without tendering it to other consulting companies. A good example of trust based on years of ‘knowing each other’.

So, while it took me until I was 35 to embrace networking, when I talk to students and graduates now, my message is ‘what are you waiting for…the clock is ticking.’

Learning #7: So many reasons to keep in touch…

‘Keeping in touch’ is an essential part of effective networking. Just because you met someone in the past, does not mean that they will think of you when they come across something relevant for you. Yet many ‘reluctant’ networkers find it difficult to find reasons to contact their network, unless they think they have something ‘important’ to say.

While we all need to develop our own style, some themes that give you a reason to get in touch are:

• be helpful – e.g. make introductions to people in your network who have common interests, forward relevant articles or jobs
• tell people what you have been up to – you need to decide how often you do this but in general your contacts are interested in hearing from you!
• make the most of your organisation’s ‘collateral’ – articles, case studies, publicity as well as events when they start again

Or why not just call or have a v-c ‘catch up’? You will be pleasantly surprised at how open many of your connections are to having a chat to catch up on what you have both been up to and to see how you can help each other out.

Learning #8: LinkedIn is your friend

Building on last week’s tip, LinkedIn is a great way to keep in touch.

It has 500+m users worldwide of which over ? are active monthly. It serves many purposes e.g. finding a new job/project/clients, finding relevant people and information, keeping in touch with those not in our closest circle.

At my company mdj2 associates, LinkedIn is a great way to keep up with what is going on in our industry as well as what our contacts are up to. Our activity has led directly to winning several projects. One came from a connection we had not been in touch with for 15 years. When asked why he chose us he said ‘I see your LinkedIn posts’.

A good daily activity is to check notifications for who you can message (new roles, work anniversaries, birthdays). Then check your feed to learn new things, see what others are up to and get involved (liking, sharing, commenting, posting yourself). If you need something specific use the search tool to find the people you need to contact.

There is a limit to what 1 post can cover, so check out LinkedIn experts, such as James Potter (The LinkedIn Man) and Lincoln Coutts.

Learning #9: Quality over quantity: deepen existing relationships

A concern ‘reluctant’ networkers have is ‘it’s about going to events and working a room full of strangers’. But events are just one way to network. My reply is to focus on people they already know. When were you last in touch? Do they know what you are up to? If they came across a relevant opportunity would they think of you? And how can you help them?

Learning #6 is “Time = value…so long as you invest”. Investing in relationship-building takes effort. But it is more rewarding than endlessly adding new connections so that lots of people know your name but not really what you do. And a bonus is that reluctant networkers find deepening existing relationships easier and more enjoyable.

A lot has been written about the importance of weak ties for successful networking i.e. people we don’t know well and 2nd degree connections. The best way to access weak ties is to deepen existing relationships. It helps make weak ties stronger and helps you access relevant 2nd degree connections, not just have them as a nice statistic on LinkedIn!

Learning #10: Online is the new ‘face-to-face’

The pandemic has accelerated the shift from offline to online in many sectors and networking is no different.

My networking groups switched in-person meetings to online and it will be interesting to see when (or if) we revert back. While the consensus is that online can’t mirror the benefits of offline, many are pleasantly surprised at how productive online meetings are. And there are advantages, with attendance often higher online due to less time/money needing to be spent on travel.

The big change has been using v-c for 1-2-1 meetings. While I used to use v-c for business meetings I had rarely used it for networking, and never for meeting a new contact. Now, 1-2-1’s via zoom have become the norm. I still prefer in-person meetings, but v-c’s give me access to my entire network, regardless of their location. And whereas my in-person meetings tend to last an hour, 30-minute zoom ‘catch ups’ with existing contacts mean I can achieve the same outcomes in less time.

So, as we emerge from lockdown and restart face to face networking, we have a great opportunity to blend the best of digital and physical.

Please do get in touch if you’d like to talk about any of this – I’d love to hear from you.

Email me at [email protected]

Or find me on LinkedIN: https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/neilmunzjones