My therapist made we write this, and I had no choice.

Over the past year I have had to reevaluate my life and what things, people, places and activities of joy mean to me but also how I cope with them, I am convinced that I am in a mid-life crisis. I have not had an affair or brought a Louis Vuitton handbag just yet, but I am saving up for both. I will paste the link to the crowdfunding campaign in the comments.

It shocks people when I tell them that I have a complicated relationship history with anxiety. This is ironically because one my biggest challenges that I am now working through with my therapist, is in fact that I do not show myself as someone who is vulnerable in any way.

This lack of softness to myself has caused me several severe panic attacks, medication changes, therapy, intense self-doubt and some very dark holes to crawl out of with only a very limited headlight. Why do you think I have such a great sense of humour, did you think I was born with it? HAH! I tricked you!

One of the reasons I wanted to make a physical move was to prove to myself that I can, to build up my resilience and to learn some hard knock coping lessons. This is why people run marathons isn't it, surely it isn't for fun. I wanted to be in an overwhelming environment with many choices. I know that may sound brutal and crazy to some and I assure you that this is not the right approach for all, but this was my way of coping and for me action is my antidote to anxiety and choice is my nemesis. I am bored and anxious without choice but with choice I do not want to choose, and this makes me anxious.

I have since discovered that what makes me genuinely happy is not to have to prove or choose any of this for myself, and to rather just not do it if the choice is difficult, or to have the option to do it, but still not do it. I have all the choices, to choose. Are you still with me?

London is an exceptional choice of destination if you want to live out what you enjoy or do not enjoy, or if you can’t choose. There are hundreds of live gigs, silent discos, naked brunches, bicycle rides with funny hats on, book launches, comedians and world class productions to attend, but there are also hundreds of small coffee shops, cosy pubs, posey pubs and parks and little nookies to hide in. The choice is yours, or not. Whatever, nobody cares.

I have learnt what I enjoy and do not enjoy because I have had ALL the choices, and I have been overwhelmed by them. I have my perfect weekend waxed, and I have figured out the things I hate doing, and the things I love doing and the people I love to do them with, and I know life is about choices, and every day we can make new choices and no choice.

What a sigh of relief and a deep inhale this has been for me. ?

Namaste friends.

#choosetoreadallmyarticles #lifeisaboutchoices #choosehappiness #reflections

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