My 'Teeth And Tits' Introduction to Mental Health Support in the Workplace

Before I got into HR and training, my career lay in hotel management, firstly in the Cotswolds, then onto Reading and finally central London. This was the decade from late 80’s to 90’s, not that long ago in time, but a lifetime ago in behaviour and attitudes, especially around mental health.

Hotel life was great, I worked hard, but played hard too - nothing illegal I hasten to add! But we existed on minimal sleep and maximum fun. Lots of happy memories and fantastic friendships made, both of which have stood the test of time.

You’d be forgiven for thinking I have rose-tinted glasses on as you read this, and for the most part, life was pretty good.

But there’s a darker side to hotel life... lots of people check into a hotel to die. Fact.

However glamorous the surroundings and decor, a hotel room is pretty anonymous, pop a Do Not Disturb sign on the door and that buys a guest plenty of interrupted time to ‘check out’.

Permanently. 

My role as Executive Head Housekeeper (ooooh I loved my grand job title), meant that it was up to me to investigate should a room become unavailable to be serviced. Nine times out of ten, the guest had merely forgotten to remove the DND sign as they left the room. 

But that wasn’t always the case...

Over my tenure I saw death up close too many times. As a mark of respect I won’t divulge the details, but suicide is rarely peaceful and I witnessed some truly horrific scenes.

Not unsurprisingly there was nothing in my hotel management training that covered these situations - my learning happened in ‘real time’.

So how did I deal with these terrible events? 

Remember, this is way before Mental Health First Aiders and counselling. This was ‘school of hard knocks’ stuff. So you went down to one of the hotel bars, you had a tot of brandy or two, and you got straight back to work.

I can clearly remember finding a female guest who had ended her life in one of our newly refurbished suites in a truly terrible way. But worse than that was having to meet with her devastated parents who insisted on seeing where she’d spent her final hours.

What do you say? Anything you do say sounds so trivial in the face of such loss. I can recall her mother saying over and over how beautiful the room was, and she was comforted to know her daughter’s last hours were spent in warm, comfortable surroundings.

This was the one that ‘got under my skin’, I think because the young girl was only eighteen months older than me when she died. All that life ahead of her.

I can remember breaking down a few days later, in a guest area, as the shock finally kicked in.

I was ‘rescued’ by the Food and Beverage Manager, who whisked me off to his office.

He let me have a damn good cry, poured me a stiff drink and said the following...

“Showbiz isn’t only found on a West End stage, this hotel is our theatre and our guests are the audience and they don’t pay to see our tears and unhappiness, so dry your eyes, fix your face, head up, shoulders back and go out there and perform...remember, it's 'teeth and tits' time, they want the magic, not the misery."

Yes, those really were the exact words of wisdom I received, I’ll never forget them!

So I did as I was told and the show went on. 

‘Teeth and tits' don’t help you unsee a horrific sight. 

But a few heavy nights out blur the memory and help you sleep. 

Thankfully, we’ve moved on in attitudes since those days, but there’s still much work to be done, and now we’ve started, we must keep going.

There will be those people who say that the ‘tough love’ approach was character building, and it was, to a degree.

I did learn to toughen up pretty quickly and my coping mechanism was my sense of humour.

It’s pretty warped and black at times... I wonder why! 

And at times I default to my ‘teeth and tits' setting to deal with tough situations.

But thankfully, through the mental wellbeing work we do here at The Chrysalis Crew, I can put my ‘showbiz’ career behind me! 

#ThisStuffReallyHappens

#BecauseLifeIsntAlwaysPretty