My TEDx Talk Was More Like a Storm Rather Than Smooth Sailing

When I received an email in early January that I was chosen to speak at TEDx, my first reaction was numbing disbelief. Soon reality set in. Oh, my gosh, I am giving a TEDx talk. Self-doubt started flooding the gates. Am I good enough? Does anyone care what I have to say? Am I going to have Jan Brady stage fright and have to pretend the audience is in their underwear? All these thoughts plus more started infiltrating my self-deprecating mind. Usually, I am not one for self-doubt. I have given many talks. But this was TEDx. I could not comprise my life quote, the core of who I am that drives me to get out of bed every single day, “I would rather do and fail then not do and have regret.” I can lie and tell you that the TEDx journey was smooth sailing. It wasn't. It was more like a storm. I would like to highlight and share my TEDx experience with you.

18 is the magic number. You have to give your talk in 18 minutes or less. No problem. I can do that. It seems easy but it is not. I had over 10 pages written and my talk was well over 30 minutes. It became very difficult to cut because you become attached to your content. I felt like a content hoarder: not being able to let go of the story I wanted to tell. But I had no choice. I had to cut, cut, cut. 

Procrastination. I know thyself. I am a procrastinator. I thrive under stress and deadlines, it drives me. But I soon learned, that this procrastination was not like my typical, familiar procrastination. I was going in unchartered territory. My typical, familiar stress turned into over the top stress. 

Balance. What does that mean? Enough said on that one.

2 weeks before the TEDx event, I had a private rehearsal with the organizer. A typical 35-minute ride into NYC turned into 3 hours due to insane traffic. I was way late for my rehearsal. I was driving like a crazy woman in NYC (yes, the foul mouth NJ came out of me as I was cursing at every taxi getting in my way) and felt terrible that I kept the organizer waiting. I had no time to compose myself. I delivered my talk the minute I arrived. I was awful. When I say awful, I mean awful. Immediately, after the session, I texted the organizer. I owned my awfulness and apologized. I explained the 3-hour traffic totally screwed me up and my A game was replaced with my F game.

Well, that evening I got the email: 

“It is clear to me that you are not ready to deliver this talk. I am not confident that it is in your best interest or ours for you to participate. In order to be able to take the stage on March 28, you need to edit your talk down to 12-13 minutes, make significant changes in your delivery and rehearse daily in front of groups of people. If you don’t think you can do that, we should discuss sooner rather than later the option of gracefully bowing out of this event. If you think you can dedicate yourself full time to this and turn this around significantly, please see my notes below and submit your edited script and video of the new version by end of day tomorrow. "

OUCH! Never in my life have I ever been asked to:

“gracefully bow out” 

Talk about a swift kick to the ego. “Bow out” is not in my vocabulary. Honestly, I have never used those 2 words together. I am not bowing out. No way. I don’t quit.  I could do this. The organizer had no clue that when someone tells me I can’t, I then go on a mission with laser focus to prove them wrong, that in fact, I can. This literally gave me the jolt I needed to put me in the right direction. That night I never slept. I dedicated myself to revising and cutting the talk. Then I had to video tape and send it. It wasn’t good enough. I was told to cut to 7 minutes and send another video. I had to change my ending (that I became attached to) and had to cut, cut, cut. Finally, I was in. I had already recently hired 2 coaches, one to help refine my content and one to coach me on the presentation of the message. So I cleared my calendar for the next 12 days. My life was dedicated to practice, practice, practice. Memorize, Memorize, memorize. Stage left, stage right, center. I literally practiced at least 15 hours per day. What the heck did I get myself into? But I kept telling myself it’s not about me, it’s about the message. It’s about the message!

1 day before the TEDx event were rehearsals on the actual stage. I did ok, not great. I was losing my voice (yes, I now in fact had a fever) and feeling completely run down from all the practice and lack of sleep. Somehow, during rehearsal I went completely blank in the middle of my talk (I had it memorized). Oh no. How do I recover if this happens on the day of the event? This is my content and my story. No one knows it better than me. I just had to be in the moment, focus and recover quickly. Also, we had to wear our ted talk outfits to rehearsal. I had my outfit carefully picked out: black pants, black jacket and form fitting black top. It was very important that I wore an outfit that felt authentic to me. At rehearsal, I was told I couldn’t wear all black because I was fading into the black background. Are you serious? I needed to wear a color. Color? 96% of my wardrobe is black (you will learn why in the TEDx talk) but luckily, I brought 7 other tops as back up: 6 were black, 1 was blue. So, I wore the blue shirt. Every time I look at that blue shirt (makes me look 10 pounds heavier) it makes me cringe. It’s not about me, it’s about the message. It’s about the message!

The day arrives. It was a dreary rainy day in NYC. Everyone was nervous and you can hear the speakers whispering to themselves doing last minute practice. I was second in the line-up. I hear my introduction and I start walking towards the stage. Words cannot describe the adrenaline that was flowing through my body. As I am walking up on the stage, I was telling myself, “I can do this, It’s about the message. I can do this. It’s about the message” I was on the stage, looked out and took a deep breath. I didn’t pretend everyone was in their underwear like Jan Brady. I saw the inviting faces of everyone staring directly at me (not too much pressure). I started my talk. I had so much nervous energy that I threw the rehearsed stage directions out the window. I did what felt right to me in the moment. I needed to focus on the message and connecting with the audience. And that’s what I did. But with one minor problem. I had a huge distraction: my hair. Because of the rain, there was a piece of my hair that kept going into my face and I had to keep moving it. It drove me crazy. I was almost brave enough to improv and work a joke about my hair into the talk but I didnt. It’s not about me. It’s about the message! 

Being on the stage was awesome! Did I forget any of my talk? You bet, an entire chunk (forgotten content will go on twitter. I will be posting quotes daily). But I still got my message across. Would I do it again? Absolutely! I am so grateful for the opportunity. Would I change anything? Of course, not (ok, I won’t lie, I would have worn the more flattering black top). My TEDx journey is reflective of life: no road is straight. There are unexpected twists and turns but you get back on the straight road and you keep walking. And when you reach your destination its exciting and the twists and turns don't seem as bad as they once seemed. Have I watched my talk? No. I lived it. I was far from perfect (here is a toast for not being perfect). If I watch the video, my excessive critique of myself will distract me of remembering the experience and the true purpose of my talk: to spread a message about unconscious bias in hiring. The dilemma that we all face in hiring every single day. Please feel free to watch the TEDx talk. I hope you enjoy it.  This TEDx talk inspired me to make a documentary about Unconscious Bias; which, I am currently in the middle of creating (go to sowhatrev.com for updates, video, blog and script of TEDx talk). Don’t forget: It’s all about the message.

Gail Tolstoi-Miller is an award-winning entrepreneur, CEO, Career Coach and Staffing Strategist. Her companies, Consultnetworx and Speednetworx are focused on connecting people for mutual fit and success. Gail’s first book, Networking Karma was recently awarded 2016 Best Business Book by IndieReader. The firms’ new division Careernetworx, coaches career professionals and job seekers to land their dream job. Latest Update: Gail has created an Unconscious Bias Course on Udemy based on her TEDx talk. Here is a link to her course