5Ps-Places: My (Supposed) First Blog and a Life's Journey in a Nutshell

"Truth is, I'll never know all there is to know about you just as you will never know all there is to know about me. Humans are by nature too complicated to be understood fully. So, we can choose either to approach our fellow human beings with suspicion or to approach them with an open mind, a dash of optimism and a great deal of candour." - Tom Hanks

I had always been putting off writing a blog. I should have written a lot of things in the past. I've had more than a couple of ideas which initially seemed interesting enough to be transcribed for posterity. Yet, more often if not all of the time, I tend to find a single fault in the overall concept which led to more self-criticisms, making me doubt my capacity to come up with something worth reading in the first place. The fear and corresponding avoidance of the tragedy of producing a sub-standard piece, if not to be treated with contempt, had been enough reasons for me to just procrastinate. The propensity for me to just abandon non-work-related writing in any form altogether had been so overwhelming that I seemed to have lost the ability to have anything coherent or worth reading at all.

I have reached my turning point just recently. Somehow, I found enough reason to embark on my very first blog-writing attempt. This draft may have all the blunders and bloopers of an unedited work. This prose may be an error-prone, grammatically-erratic account of my life. Yet, here it is. This first blog of mine is as spontaneous and as raw as I prefer such to be, an honest-to-goodness attempt to go on another life journey.

Journey to the world: "Hope" was born

Fort Magsaysay, Nueva Ecija, Philippines. Nanay Baby, my mum, had eclampsia when she was about to give birth to me. The doctor told my Lola Masing, my grandma, that the complexity of my mum's pregnancy at that time would make it impossible to determine whether my mum or I could even live. Grandma needed to make a choice on who she would prefer to live. She did not sign the waiver, though. Tough that she always had been, Lola demanded that the medical team do the best that they could do and that she won't be making any choice at all. With unwavering faith, she iterated that both I and my mum should live. She did not lose her hope. My mum survived the delivery. The premature baby that was me stayed in the incubator for days, yet I also made it through. Whether it was a product of faith or a twist of fate, I've turned to become the beacon of hope to my family - my mother's firstborn, my grandma's first grandchild. And so they chose to call me "Esperanza," a popular Filipino girl name and a Spanish word which means "hope."

Going places: Faith meets the uniform

I was born in a military hospital to immediate and extended family members who either served or been involved with the military as well. My father Binong, for one, had been an Army enlisted man. My mother Baby was a civilian employee in a military establishment where she met my father. My grandmother runs a tailoring shop within the same camp. My uncle is also an Army man and so do my two aunt's husbands. (This pattern kept on as a great number of my cousins also joined the military on after I did later.)

Upper Calarian, Zamboanga City, Philippines. As my father's assignment took him to a distant place, a military camp became our home in the city of flowers with Spanish-tinged historical charm called Zamboanga. From the northern, main Philippine island of Luzon, my family unit travelled to the southern, other main island of Mindanao. A gold course and the seaside became our next door neighbours. 

My family indeed lived in a camp and I had friends and neighbours with military connections one way or another. However,my mum was a devout Catholic. I then saw myself studying in Pilar College, a respected sectarian School in the city. 

Batangas, Philippines. I lived with my parents away, from both sides of the family, until I was 7 when they decided to leave me in the care of my grandparents. However, the military influence still did not cease at that time. In high school, I trained and became a midshipwoman cadet officer taking on a high-level role of Brigade Operations Officer.

Diliman, Quezon City, Philippines. Graduating from high school and lured by the prestige of joining the country's premier state university, I became a University of the Philippines (UP) scholar. When the Philippine Military Academy (PMA) has just started accepting females into the cadet corps, my grandmother also began convincing me to apply. Although the great chance and honour of serving the country had been something I would have pursued, I never fully believed at first that such was possible for me as the academy was traditionally only for males. Further, frail-looking and thin that I had been, I initially doubted my capacity to hurdle the rudiments of training. I remained at UP staying at my grandfather's house for some time and had been lucky to get a summer job at the municipal (now city) hall library where I learned a lot aside from receiving a salary as well. I also worked as a student assistant at the university to earn my keep somehow. I also helped a bit with my father a few times as he took on odd jobs here and there with a relative's family business. In my mum's brother's family business, I also had brief moments to pitch in somehow. When life took a harder toll, I went to join the real estate company where my mum worked. My mum's venture didn't work out too well and we became more constrained financially. Yet, on the positive side of things, learning the ropes and getting my first exposure to the corporate world, as well as even having the chance to provide training to new sales staff were the good things from that experience.

Finding my niche: A life with my best friend

Fort Del Pilar, Baguio City, Philippines. As my college and personal lives reached their challenging stages, I found my turning point. In 1996, after my grandmother died and as I neared the maximum age limit for applying for a PMA scholarship, I made a decision to try things out. I thought that if I am qualified for the cadetship, I will certainly make it through. I thought I could always go back to my dear UP should the academy training was really not for me. If I fail to pass the screening, then it is fine but at least I have tried and found it out myself. It was a now or never situation at that time.

Thus, I then decided to apply and finally joined the Philippine Military Academy in 1997. Such decision made me obtain a full scholarship, a salary while studying for a four-year bachelor's degree, and prospects of a stable naval career thereafter. I have learned a lot from the academy. Training had been so rigorous that it is already commonplace for cadets to quit. Contrary to what I thought myself to be, I found out that I really have what it takes. I also had mentors, classmates and underclass cadets who I've come to learn from along the way. Courage, integrity and loyalty had been the dictum for us at the academy.

It was at the Academy where I also met my "soul-mate, best friend for life, lifelong partner, number one fan, staunchest supporter, constructive critic, and now husband" Jun who I, later on, had two sons with. At the time when I first met him, I never even knew he existed (as I only came to know the "great guy" that he was later on). I had been busy with training, studies, my extra-curricular activities and hurdling everyday challenges of my cadetship. I had been too engrossed with my academics that I even ranked overall number 2 in my class on my first year in the Academy. I sang with the cadet choir, performed with the cadet combo, joined several other cadet organisations while doing 3.2km and 5km runs in every-other-day intervals with my athletic buddy in between. I haven't been looking for someone to love; I had my dreams and I was working my way to achieving them. Even if love would have had its way towards my heart then, it would have gone to someone else. Jun would have been the last person I would choose and that he was not the person I would go for. My dream guy then was not someone handsome or seemingly so sure of himself. I'd rather have someone who will make me feel special and not one who seems to be someone for everyone who comes his way. But, that was something I was convincing myself about. The truth is that it is the other way around. I have come to admire the man more than I had been ready to.

My man was really someone I have come to root and grow for. He was well-liked and respected. He had a great knack of making everyone feel important. He was smart but in a way so as not to make others feel lesser about themselves. He was capable in a way that he could make even the impossible seem doable. He was a great man. He said he already knew me even before I knew him; well, that is not surprising as I belong to the small number of females who made it through to the academy. Only around 10% of each PMA class will be women (4.5% in our original class of 2001 according to my recently-designated content editor and partner, Angel), so it would be easier to memorise a female cadet's name than a male's. He said he has admired me from afar; well that could be technically highly-probable as anyone should and would be able to see something good out of another person if one just takes the time to. The greatly admirable man was there for me but I was yet to know such fully.

Well, much unlikely for it to happen as it initially seemed, Jun and I still found our way towards each other. Life and everything in between still managed to bring the two of us together somehow. With my high grades in the Languages and spoken word of my superiors who I have written letters and researched their homework for, I became one of the contributor-writers of The Corps. Jun became the publication's transitory Editor-in-chief; I became the chief editor's editor. I became Jun's best friend, someone who knew his inner thoughts and would even read through his female fans' mails for him. I then became his successor. That friendship and collaborative relationship blossomed into something deeper later on.

Right after graduating from the Academy in 2000, Jun seemed to have never left. Almost every weekend, he would be travelling 5 to 6 hours from Manila to Baguio and the same number of hours back, just to visit me. As I took on the reins of the school publication from him, I also got to see him whenever I and my editorial staff go down to work on our publication issues. Phone calls, emails and snail mails also did their stuff. It was a long distance relationship which really worked.

I graduated from the Academy in 2001. From number 2 in my first year of cadetship, I slid down to a two-digit ranking for some reason or another probably related to more time and attention devoted to my beloved Jun and our shared passion. My consolation to my parents was that I became the first awardee of the Department of Languages Plaque and the first female awardee of the Journalism Award. I got married the day after my graduation to my very best friend. 

Sailing through the waters

Various locations, Philippines. Getting wed with someone within the same line of work should have been a better thing. Jun and I did the same things and understood each other's thinking and priorities. With my better half also in the naval service, we served wholeheartedly and to the utmost of our abilities. As we gave our all, my husband and I also learned a lot. We developed ourselves along the way, as we were being given roles, duties and responsibilities in quality, importance and quantity which exceed those of others in similar ranks that we had. We were serving the country and making the lives of people safe, secure and happy. We sacrificed sleep and our personal comforts so that Filipinos could sleep soundly.

With every privilege comes responsibility, though. Whereas our naval service enabled us to learn, do, and give enormously, my husband and I became too preoccupied with the rudiments and responsibilities of our jobs. As we both strove to toil well, even having multiple concurrent positions and other extra responsibilities at times if not most of the time, our sacrifice entailed leaving our kids behind. The times we had with our two boys became cherished moments that we wished we could have even more. Whereas we were privileged than others in our stead to have found some time to be with our kids somehow, we felt we weren't there enough for them. Realistically speaking, our marriage also had much rooms and areas for improvement. At the back of my mind, I was also thinking of whether life could be better.

Where love at first sight had been

Sydney, New South Wales, Australia. In 2006, Typhoon Katrina's after-effects stalled Jun's supposed US training. Such had been a blessing in disguise, which we would come to realise after. He got slated for an Australian-sponsored training at Sydney in 2006, instead. Our life-changing point came to be when I visited my husband before his graduation. I fell in love with the country the moment I set foot on it. Australia had been a dream come true - clean (I could smell the purity of the air I breathed), orderly and systematic (the Google maps app gave me instructions on how to travel by public transport from the airport right in front of HMAS Penguin), and amazingly picturesque (we did not have enough time for all the walks and trails that we would have preferred to explore), among countless other reasons.

At that time, I also met people who have influenced my decision to consider migrating to the "lucky country." We came to be acquainted with and were warmly welcomed by a lovely, well-accomplished couple, who both made significant breakthroughs in their respective jobs. Despite their successful careers, they still found to squeeze in time for their three gorgeous kids, their faith, their extended families, their friends, and other facets of their personal lives. I didn't know that such a life could also be made possible for me, though I've had a lot of convincing that is something workable.

Living in the dream

Adelaide, South Australia, Australia. 2010 was our family's year. It was during the first family reunion we had for all three sides of my mother's side of the family when we finally received our Australian visa. I then resigned from the service and our family of four arrived in Adelaide on 22 October 2010. Sydney may have made us dream. Adelaide made us live the Aussie dream.

There had been initial challenges along the way, yet we came to find greater reasons to feel blessed. Australia had been hailed the happiest country to be in. We are already in it. For many years now, Adelaide had been ranking as one of the most livable cities in the world, recently been named as second cleanest city in the whole world, and had also been the nation's safest city. We were just moments away from the city, the sea, the hills, the wineries, and all the other perks of a first-world city. There are heaps of reasons to love Adelaide. We've seen it become even better as the years went by. Yes, it is now our city. 

My every day now is made complete by hugs, out-of-the-blue requests, perplexing but wise remarks, astounding accomplishments, and endless love of our two sons: the computer-geek-musical-wonder-boy-amazing-writer-and-14-year-old Huey, and the emotionally-well-endowed-people-person-math-wizard-basketball-MVP-aspiring-doctor-and-10-year-old Sev.

The kids have become smarter, more physically capable, academically well-achieving, increasingly self-confident yet still well-grounded, and happier than ever in school, with their teachers, classmates, friends plus us, their parents, at their side. With their loving dad present in their daily lives, they now even have the father figure, coach and mentor - something they would have stood to loose as Jun's career would have progressed and his responsibilities may have become greater, had he not left the naval service. Our life here is still a work in progress but our aspirations for the kids have already gained a strong foothold. We are indeed blessed to be here.

Somewhere further to go to

Now that I have started writing, I could now be seen producing more works in the future. I can anticipate an interesting journey ahead. The lines were already cast off and I’ve now left the pier. It is time to reach and capture more realms.

I also believe that one of those realms is that of further learning. I would like to learn more so I would appreciate your comments or any other thought you would like to share. Could you still remember your childhood? If you were to write your own autobiography, what would the highlights be? This is supposed to be my first blog (although circumstances made me post my third one earlier than this); do you have any pieces of advice to give which could help me improve my next posts?

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