My story with miscarriage for Baby Loss Awareness week
Jennifer Spurr
Bespoke coaching for ambitious Marketers & commercial execs to accelerate their careers & dial-up their impact & results – on their terms ?? Start-up CMO, Ex-Mondelez ??Empowering people to be at their brilliant best
It took my husband and I a year to get pregnant when we first started trying.
Then at the 12-week scan the baby didn’t have a heartbeat. ?
A missed miscarriage.?
It was a devastating and complicated one and took a long time to recover from physically and emotionally.?
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Another year passed and finally I was pregnant again.
But it was the same story, there was no heartbeat.? A missed miscarriage.
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And then again, for a third time.?
Although this time the miscarriage started on the plane back from a work meeting in Zurich.?
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Throughout this time, work was a crutch I leaned on heavily as a means to avoid the big feelings
It didn’t work of course, the sadness was always there, just underneath the surface??
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Eventually after three and a half years I got pregnant and stayed pregnant this time.
Which was wonderful and terrifying.?
Mostly terrifying.?
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Pregnancy after multiple miscarriages is a whole different beast, full of anxiety and fear.
I was too scared to let myself hope that the baby might survive
I had to keep myself in emotional limbo just to get through each day
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In the last trimester I felt like I didn’t breathe.
I was terrified that I had gotten this far and would then lose the baby in labour, it was a dark place to be.?
It was only with therapy that I could navigate through it
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Then with relief and joy and disbelief, my daughter Emmy was born.?
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Then just over a year later, her sister Neve arrived.? I felt, and still feel, so lucky.?
They’re happy and healthy and funny and feisty and all those wonderful things.?
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What helped me…
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How you can support someone who is going through miscarriage, baby loss or infertility…
Whilst everyone is different in what they experience and how they want to deal with it, I thought it could be helpful to share the words and support that I found most helpful.
Conversations in this area often still feel taboo, whether it’s about starting a family, pregnancy, miscarriage or baby loss.
So often people stay silent or say things that, although said with good intention, didn’t feel supportive or kind.
In my experience, just being there, offering a friendly ear is all that’s needed.?
Don’t feel like you need to fix it or give advice.?
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Here are some of the things I found supportive:
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The Miscarriage Association has a great, informative page with more on this: https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/your-feelings/supporting-someone-through-pregnancy-loss/
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And on the flip side, there’s a few things which, although well-intentioned, can be inadvertently hurtful so you might want to avoid anything like the following:
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Further resources:
There are some brilliant resources available if you or anyone you know is going through miscarriage or baby loss
Creative Wellbeing Lead at ADHD360. TEDx and International Speaker. Mindfulness Rebel. Creator of Funfulness?. Recovering Accountant. Pink.
1 年Thank you for sharing this Jennifer and for the advice. When I went through miscarriage and told one of my best friends it was at that point she told me that she had also experienced it a few years earlier. I couldn’t believe she hadn’t told me. That’s the stigma. I was very lucky with support from my then workplace, I can’t imagine if people didn’t have that because it was so painful, both emotionally and physically. Thank you again.
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1 年Sorry to know about this situation But yeah this is an emotional reminder to read Positive wishes on your way Jennifer Spurr
??Jill of all trades, mistress of ???????????????????? ???????????????? ??Exploring ???? in ???????????????? ???????? ???????????????????? & ???????????????? ??Elasticmompreneur
1 年I am so sorry about your loss, Jennifer. Sorry you had to go through this alone. The post is not just inspiring, but also an invitation to sharing, to being there one for another. Thank you for it. Loss and grief were there for me before I started my fertility journey 3 years ago. It was a dark and lonely place for anyone to be in. Raising awareness and sharing our experience might be the light that helps another woman in her journey!
Am sorry for your loss Jennifer Spurr and you are truly raising awareness.