My Story: The Forward of Masculine Beauty Redefined - Karen Bontrager
Karen Bontrager
Founder Crisis to Courage for Men I Podcast | 16-24 | ★ Money & Thought Leader | TBRI Trauma Clinician | LMHCA Therapist | ACC Trauma Coach | No Fear in Love Race President | Coaching | Scholar | Fierce Men’s Advocate
The passion behind Masculine Beauty Redefined
I was on a personal quest to discover why 16-24-year-olds were involved with dating violence, as an undergraduate researcher doing a thesis on this very topic at George Mason University.
It was a beautiful brisk fall day, and Student Life was doing an anti-violence campaign called "Take back the Night." If you are unfamiliar, the victims of violence pin t-shirts up on a gigantic clothesline all over campus in protest to crime. Imagine a sea of white blowing in the wind, with graphic messages written in bright reds, purples, and various shades of yellow; alleging men were responsible for these heinous acts.
There was a young man, who identified himself as 19 sitting on a green wooden bench outside of the Johnson Center. For some unknown reason, I asked him what he felt by viewing the scene.
This was the conversation, which ensued.
He replied, "I don't want to be a man." I asked, "Why do you not want to be a man?" He just looked at me with this bewildered expression; thinking the answer should be apparent, but had somehow alluded him. The seemingly-helpless guy stammered, "I don't know; I just don't want to be a man." My response was this: "I am not trying to be judgmental, but did you do any of these horrible things on these t-shirts?" "No, I am very good to my mother, sisters, and am courteous to all women." "Then, why do you not want to be a man?" The conversation had reached an impasse because he did not have an answer, and had to attend class.
I remember feeling like I had been punched in the stomach, but why?
- What did the unplanned dialogue with this fella mean if anything?
- Could there be a gap in my research which the spontaneous conversation revealed?
These were all questions in the back of my mind which fueled the book which is to unfold.
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Author’s Bio
Karen Bontrager helps 16-24-year-old men, and fellas, 25+ stuck there due to complex trauma, make permanent shifts in their behavior from merely surviving in life to thriving through transparent coaching/counseling in one-on-one conversations and in group work, and through topic sensitive trauma-informed workshops in a program called, “From Crisis to Courage.” With this ontological approach, I partner with my clients to discover their essence, (aka highest and best self) by powerfully reflecting and listening to them. My clients quickly learn how to generate self-awareness and to voice their own relationship needs in a clear, constructive way by learning key coaching techniques/evidenced based counseling approaches/tools to work past their traumatic events and addictions to move forward. The clients are then equipped to develop healthy relationships with key relationships: parents/siblings/friends, and with intimate dating partners because they have learned how to proactively use their voice.
She does a weekly Relationships Matter Monday LI article/poem/commentary for 16-24-year-old men and fellas, 25+, stuck there due to trauma, is a frequent contributor here, and has a bi-monthly podcast called Crisis to Courage to give gentlemen an honorable platform for learning how to use their voices in a way which gets respected, instead of turning to the old standbys: anger, isolation, and numbing behavior, so they can be the men they were made, formed, and created to be.
Crisis to Courage Podcast for Men Links below:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1130105/listings
https://open.spotify.com/show/0hBtQMFu6eOoHAJBZVRgiQ
https://podcasts.google.com/?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5idXp6c3Byb3V0LmNvbS8xMTMwMTA1LnJzcw==
https://podcastaddict.com/podcast/3017583
https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/crisis-to-courage-podcast-a-pl-1258925
https://www.deezer.com/us/show/1372142
https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/crisis-to-courage-podcast-a-platform-for-udrRN3OmV9o/
Are you a man, 16-24, or more mature, 25+ which feels stuck mentally, and is not able to move forward due to a traumatic past, which shows up as anger, isolation, or various numbing behaviors, and needs support? Or, do you feel something gets in the way emotionally from you loving self, others, or having the life of your dreams, but are not sure what? Please DM me on Linked In for an opportunity to talk.
Experienced business development professional clinical research Phase I to Phase IV.
3 年Thanks a lot.
Independent Security Research
3 年Men don't want to be men because they don't know what it means. Or maybe because their prime time is gone and now it does not matter, some men might need something to redeem themselves, but they cannot figure out what will help them redeem themselves. Middle aged men have different issues. Younger men seem to be equally confused
Helping people by finding overlooked details.
3 年Thank you, Karen, for sharing the forward to your book. Because of atrocious acts that have been committed by men and the outcry against these atrocities, it is easy to get the impression that all men are the perpetrators of these acts. This has eroded the belief in our society that men can be true gentlemen. This is inappropriate. It is also not logical. In my work, I have seen many women commit atrocities (torture & murder of small childrem, etc.). This does not mean that all women are monsters. We need to be teaching (like you do) that there is hope. That men can be true gentlemen and that true gentlmen treat everyone with kindness and respect. Enjoy your week! ??
#newdaynewchapter is a Blog narrative started on March 1, 2021 co-founded by Kishore Shintre & Sonia Bedi, to write a new chapter everyday for making "Life" and not just making a "living"
3 年Dear Sister Coral, I am so excited to know your new book getting published, Cheers and God bless you always!
Emmy-Nominated TV, Video & Event Director | Messaging Strategist | Author, “The 7 Disciplines of Relationship Marketing” | Leadership and Near Death Experience (NDE) Keynote Speaker ?? ?? ??
3 年Fortunately or tragically our world is filled with evidence that can celebrate manhood or demonize manhood. However, if we find ourselves needing approval (that sense that I must believe I can be a winner) we become exceptionally vulnerable to the messages that demonize Karen Bontrager ! The shear volume of these messages, especially in the story, would seem to consume a vulnerable mind. ??