My Story Of Failures.

MY STORY

Generally people glorify their failures and journey of struggle after they achieve great success.

But I’m writing this piece little earlier.

I know I’m heading towards my goal but I don’t want my failures to be dependent on my success.

They need to be independent and credited because they have made small joys in my life worth celebrating.

My story of never ending failures.

My journey... in search of happiness.

Sometimes some people are born to struggle.

Nothing comes in your life easy.

No amount of talent seem to work in your favour.

Hard work.

Logical thinking.

Risk taking.

Praying.

You'll have enough examples of mediocre people making it big, to give you hope.

And enough number of intellectuals to give you a complex.

You'll find all the excuses that would seem to add to your failure.

You didn't go to the right school.

You don't listen to the right kind of music.

You don't watch the right type of cinema.

You don't read the right books.

You don't have the accent that reflects class.

My life otherwise was happy.

Loving family.

Caring parents.

Dad with a secure job in the I A F.

So, lot of peace of mind, unlike the civilian life.

But then I had to leave the nest one day.

And spread my wings.

My struggle started soon after I appeared in class 12th.

The year was 1988.

Bangalore.

Where I had the best days of my life... outside the syllabus.

I knew whatever I was being taught was not what I wanted to learn.

I was reading but I was not studying.

I was hearing but I was not listening.

I was seeing but I was not watching.

I was present but I was not there.

I could not figure out how whatever I was taught would help me in where I was seeing myself in future.

Finally I managed to clear my 12th.

That's the year my dad got transferred to Ludhiana from Bangalore.

The very thought of leaving a lively city with lovely life and beautiful memories was painful.

Ludhiana was no doubt beautiful in its own sense but in a bad shape because of terrorism.

I got admission in BSc in a college nearby.

Because of the unrest in the state, even studies weren't taken seriously.

And I was again attending classes that made no sense to my conscience.

There was no proper direction or guidance.

Because I knew I knew nothing so I skipped few exams.

And I knew the results even before they were announced.

I was least interested in pleasing my neighbours, relatives and the society at large.

I decided not to continue in the regular degree college.

Because I saw a ray of hope in the College of Art, Chandigarh.

The very discovery of such an institution which catered to my talent, ability and inclination gave feathers to my hidden wings.

My dreams looked forward to a foundation.

And then I prepared myself to get into the Art College. With no idea how to prepare.

No clue as to how to present and what to develop.

The very ambience of the Art college was so positive and fully of energetic vibes that I just wanted to belong there.

I didn't make it in the first attempt.

I was good at art. But I was not aware of the method in the madness.

I didn't lose hope.

And for the next three years I kept on applying.

Three years sound like a short period.

But for me it was 1095 days.

26280 hours.

Every year I looked forward to the admission notice.

I applied till I was eligible.

But I didn't make it.

And to assure my parents that I was serious about studying something worthwhile, I even joined Aeronautical Engineering course. And wasted money.

It just got discontinued in the due course.

I also made an unsuccessful attempt to get an entry into the prestigious NID Ahmedabad

And around the same time got rejected for CDS, Combined Defence Services Interview which happened in Bhopal. Because I discovered that I was colour blind.

And finally I decided to do BA Sociology through correspondence from Kakatiya University. In one sitting.

Thankfully I managed to get a degree that the world wanted me to get.

Meanwhile I had decided I wanted to make a career in advertising.

The ads about advertising careers sounded like a dream.

Glamourised lifestyle, lucrative package and flexible timings. The life I always longed for.

Hence, to be in a stronger position to get an entry into any Advertising agency I did PG Diploma in Advt and PR from SCMS Kochi again through correspondence.

By then I had moved from Ludhiana to Allahabad because of my Dad’s transfer.

Ludhiana was 5 years of doing basically nothing worthwhile. Just dreaming, waiting and wasting time with friends. And living off my dad's money.

But I was learning from life, whatever lesson it was teaching.

Silently observing and absorbing.

Learning knowingly and unknowingly.

In the mean time I had even tried to get into IAF which again didn't get anywhere.

Finally, from Allahabad my friends and I ventured out to Delhi, in search of a job.

From a stress free, comfortable happy life to every moment of struggle.

Delhi was like an ocean. I felt like a gold fish removed from an aquarium and thrown into the deep sea to face the waves, sharks and depth.

Four friends with beautiful dreams in a small Janta flat.

After unearthing job opportunities and chasing interviews in the hot sun and jam packed buses, I finally grabbed a copywriter's job in a small agency named Chiranjin handling a tourism

client.

My salary was 1200 per month.

My first salary of my life.

Within a year I was asked to leave.

Because when they saw my art skills and gave the additional role of a visualiser, I asked them If they would increase my salary as well.

Also maybe because I spoke against an employee who was close to the owner.

I neither knew the game well nor the rules.

While working here, I was once again called for CDS interview which I attended in Bangalore.

But I didn’t clear it.

I was jobless and with whatever little money I had, I continued my struggle.

And I also got money from my parents to keep the fight going.

The food was just enough to keep the body active.

The rate was kind of fixed.

A meal for ten rupees. Seven rupees for dal and one rupee for roti.

Now and then I used to have boiled eggs from the roadside Andawala for additional energy.

And keep vegetables like cucumbers, tomatoes and carrots to make salads to stuff the stomach.

The second job was in another small agency called m&m.

It was a kind of shop run by a husband and wife.

The writer in me wrote without knowing what and why.

But I kept learning. And kept polishing.

I knew all the precious ideas were of no use at that place. But I was getting some 3000 Rupees that took care of my food, travel stay and smoke.

I was a living example of hand to mouth existence.

And my parents back home had no clue of my lavish lifestyle.

But then there was always poetry to make one feel good.

And metaphors to give you hope.

That gold needs to go through fire to shine brighter.

And mehendi needs to be crushed to get its true colour.

Again that small place found me too big or too small and I was asked to leave.

After few months of running from pillar to post, fixing interviews and meeting people I again landed up a job in a small agency called R Graphics.

These agencies were not looking for any creative mind. They just wanted writers who could write for brochures and mailers.

But again I was getting money for my survival. And the place introduced me to romance.

Almost a year of surviving and then I was asked to quit because they didn't have money to pay.

All this while I was meeting creative directors in the top agencies asking them for job. I was even willing to work for free as I wanted to get into a big agency.

I used to visit these top agencies to keep the dream alive and the desire burning.

The ambience, attitude and approach of big creative agencies looked aspirational and attractive.

I wanted to belong there.

And I didn't let myself lose hope.

In the mean time, during one of the interview rounds I met a creative head who liked my thought process and hunger for creative work. And he became my mentor. And my guide.

And under his guidance I worked on my portfolio.

In the meantime I also happen to read the Autobiography of Charlie Chaplin. A book that really inspired and motivated me.

The story of struggle that Chaplin went through and how he managed to fight and rose against all odds, somehow helped me face my problems.

And then finally the big day came.

Perseverance paid.

I got to meet one of the Creative Heads I was chasing for months, with my ideas.

My book contained all the print campaigns I created by writing my own imaginary brief.

I executed them using scribbles and collages.

And I got the break of my life.

In McCann Erickson New Delhi.

The gateway to my dream career.

The day I got the offer, I felt what happiness feels like.

I controlled an ocean of tears of joy because I was too numb to get emotional.

The joy you get after years of struggle.

I still remember when I went back to my room and told my room mate and friend about this. I spread my hands wide open and said “I made it”. Suddenly the world I was living in and the world around me seemed to have changed. For better. The air I was inhaling suddenly felt so refreshing.

In spite of three years of working experience and three agencies behind me, I joined as an intern.

There I mingled with like minded creative guys, got exposure to international work and got to work on global brands.

Shared some innovative ideas which helped me leave a mark in my seniors' mind.

After 6 months I was confirmed as a Copywriter.

And even got a raise.

From Rs 4000 to Rs 9500

I made some good friends here.

When everything seemed like going smooth, recession came looking for me.

My Boss who hired me decided to move on. And the new Boss came with his own team.

I was politely asked to leave.

But thankfully I got another job this time before I quit.

I, along with my Art Director friend joined R K Swamy BBDO.

And got a package of Rs 28000 pm.

After a year, I again had to leave the place. Because my boss thought I was only doing what I was supposed to do as a Copywriter and not licking his posterior.

Then it was one year of looking for a new job.

Staying in a luxurious barsati in Kalkaji New Delhi. Thankfully I had some bank balance to take care of my struggling days.

And in between I with my other Art Director friend visited Mumbai.

Because that's where I always wanted to go.

The Mecca of Indian advertising.

We stayed with my brother who was working in Mumbai.

We fixed up interviews, visited agencies and shared portfolio with creative heads.

And after 2 weeks we packed our dreams and came back to Delhi.

The hunt continued.

So did the wait.

Many a times when I was initially looking around for jobs, the inexperienced me was demotivated and discouraged by people who were lucky to on the other side of the table.

Somehow we think with designation and position we get the authority to pull down anyone.

Those who should be a helping hand and a guiding force become butcher of tender dreams.

We should understand that sometimes what a person has is only a dream. Maybe the last straw to hold on to.

Which is why after I was in a comfortable position to share my experience and offer my guidance and juniors came to me, I always found a better positive way of saying ‘You need to work on your talent’ or ‘You are talented enough to look for a better profession’.

And somehow I could convince them and they always got to back to me with good news.

Back to my story

After few months of job hunting in Delhi, I went back to Mumbai again to try my luck.

It was August 2002.

And this time I got a call from Triton.

I had met this Creative Head of Triton at Lintas during my last visit.

And he happened to remember me.

He called me and I went to meet him.

There he offered me a job, and a week to join. I immediately went back to Delhi to wind up everything and move to Mumbai.

I stayed with my brother at Kalyan.

And joined Triton which was at Charni Road.

Thus began my life in Mumbai.

And my journey in Local trains.

It was not just travel.

It was an adventure.

Two years of exciting time. I made friends, foes, acquaintances and affair.

Those 2 years were really memorable.

Most colourful Nights in Mumbai.

Then in December 2004 I got an offer from McCann Mumbai.

And the job was offered by my mentor from Delhi. I joined his team.

Here I had the privilege of closely working with many multi talented, versatile

globally respected and rewarded celebrity creative professionals.

And this was the place that gave me money, fame and position.

In 2005 I got married.

In 2006 my first daughter was born.

In 2007&2008 I went to attend Cannes Advertising Festival.

And also won two Lions.

I stayed with McCann till 2011.

Won couple of international awards.

During the same time I got an opportunity to show my acting talent when I did a cameo in a Malayalam feature film “Three Kings”

And in 2010 during a reshuffle I was asked to take care of the ailing Healthcare department of McCann.

Which I never enjoyed.

Because I was not cut out for healthcare advertising.

It got really boring and uninteresting.

So finally I decided to move on.

I was without a job again.

While I was making the most of my sabbatical, a dream offer came looking for me.

An offer to write for a Feature film.

But like most of the aspiring film buffs’ work, even my first film that I wrote never saw the light of the day.

I was really thrilled at the opportunity as it’s most of the advertising writer’s dream to write for a feature film.

But it came a shock when just a day before the shoot was to commence, the producer changed his mind, got another writer on board and changed the entire story.

It was like a dream blown into bits and pieces.

Meanwhile, I had offers from consultants.

When I was about to finalize one job, to be Mumbai creative Head of an agency,I got another offer.

To be part of a start up creative shop.

To join them as the creative head and managing partner. And also offered profit sharing.

As this sounded exciting and different from the usual agency, I decided to join Minority Advertising.

That was 2012.

While working here, It was a privilege and honour when my musical tribute to midwives done for PSI got a merit certificate at the Dada Saheb Phalke film festival in 2014.

I did the project as a consultant which I got through one of my dear servicing friends.

These occasional pats gave a shot in the arm.

And within a year I realized I had made a wrong choice as the dream of this ideal agency which they showed me was just a pipe dream. And they never completed the paper work related to my shares.

While working here I acted In a short film which was featured in Cannes film festival.

Small joys of life that added cushion to my struggle.

2014

In the mean time I got an offer to write for a Hindi feature film. Produced by Mithun Chakravarty. Directed by VKP.

I had to go to Georgia for a month to shoot the film.

And I also played a small role in it.

That was June 2014.

And in July I parted ways with Minority as they felt the association was not working.

They admitted that the dreams and promises they made were not sounding realistic now.

I felt cheated.

And I made sure they paid me for the damage they did.

The consultant got involved and made sure it was settled amicably.

During this phase I was offered to write dialogues for a Hindi film by a Advertising film producer.

The film, a spy story was written by another well known advertising writer.

A very versatile new-in-the-market actor was to do the film but as he got busy with another big budget film the film got postponed finally it was shelved.

But I did my job. I was ready with the dialogues. And writers don’t get paid until the writing is put to use. Because everyone thinks writing involves only a pen and a piece of paper.

And what hurt me in the beginning was when I was told that dialogues are not really important in the film hence they don’t have enough money for the writer.

Anyway, like most of the time what I wrote didn’t add anything to my bank balance but added to my experience.

2015

My second daughter was born.

And my first film got released. Even though it was not a success but for me it was really precious.

And a learning experience.

The wait for my next job continued.

I was meeting people for jobs.

I went to visit the famous Shani temple in Karaikal with my Dad.

They say, prayers are our strength and God’s weakness.

I believe in the Almighty. I believe in that invisible power that’s around when I’m helpless.

And I have no explanation to convince non believers.

The day I returned I got a call from Bates.

And finally in July 2015 I got an offer from Bates CHI & Partners.

I took a pay cut and joined the place as Creative Head Mumbai.

I worked with Bates till 2016 December.

I got 2 Cannes Radio Finalist which I got on a proactive work for a client without any help from the agency.

And I was requested to leave as they had lost couple of clients.

So, contrary to the pay hike they promised me, they left me with no money.

I was getting an offer from BBDOLANKA which I thought was working in my favour but that too didn't materialise.

2017

And I again was at home searching for a job, cursing my fate.

I visited many temples to pray for me and my family. To gift us with a steady happy life.

I also went to visit the famous Shani temple in Karaikal.

For the second time.

In March I got a call from BBDOLANKA asking if I could join them for a month and then decide about future plans later.

I happily took the offer.

I joined BBDOLANKA for a month.

Won two accounts for them and it was a great experience.

Beautiful country with equally beautiful people.

They offered me a permanent job but didn't work out because of the package I asked them.

Finally I came back.

And then I met a Producer who wanted to do a feature with VKP and I.

So I discussed couple of plots and they agreed to work on one subject.

As I was busy researching for the film I had in mind, VKP approached me with an offer to write Hindi dialogues for a multilingual horror film he was making called “Praana”

In spite of the limited budget I took it up as it was a different kind of film. With highly talented team.

Anyway I wanted to do it because it was only adding to my film portfolio and also an opportunity to do a different genre of film.

I wrote the dialogues much before the deadline.

Because it’s my passion.

I may not be destiny’s favorite child.

I may not get the fruits of my labour but I just enjoy what I do.

In the meantime I was contacted by a well known producer of his times to write screenplay and dialogues for a story of his.

He used to narrate the story and I in turn shared the dialogues after working on the script. It looked promising but came to a sudden brake as he was going through some personal problems. He wanted to sort things at home before he could move forward with the project.

Nov 2017.

Meanwhile I was approached by VKP again to work on an Ad for a Dubai based client who was known personally known to him.

This was the first time in my life I was going to Dubai.

It was great meeting and we thought we made a pretty good impression. And thinking that we won the battle we returned to India. But the battle isn’t yet over.

And now that the shoot of the multilingual film is over, and post production is going on I’m back to writing the next script.

I was even approached for the post of Mumbai head of one of my earlier agencies, but I think it’s time for me to take a larger role and I should go there as the national head.

And at the same time I was offered an opportunity to write screenplay and dialogues for another ambitious project which again started with lot of positivity but suddenly fizzled out.

Hopefully it should be back on track but going by the my stars act, I am not sure of any thing.

But I continue doing my bit by thinking positive and dreaming big things on whatever foundation I am offered.

Struggle to achieve great heights sound good but when you have only one life, you want to taste success as soon as you can.

The balance of struggle and success should at least be fifty-fifty.

There are lucky ones who enjoy more success with less struggle.

I want to give my life a fair share for all the troubles it has taken and all the ordeals it has gone through.

That's the story so far.

Through out, I have been constantly and with full awareness taking risks.

But I must admit I take calculated risks.

Either my maths or my judgement isn’t good enough.

I have often let my heart win, albeit with the consent of the mind.

They say, if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you generally get it.

I have been refusing because accepting something that I can’t do justice to will only make things worse in the long run.

And life is too short to screw around with forced options.

While I'm writing my next and waiting for the release of PRAANA, I'm eagerly waiting for my share of stable success.

Because I have responsibilities, liabilities and EMIs.

Hoping that this roller coster ride and life of uncertainties will soon end and I'll also have a smooth, satisfied, peaceful, happier life.

So that I can give more to my family and daughters.

God...I want you to do justice to my smile.

Sooner the better.

I trust in YOU.

Be there. Like always.