My Son, My Roommate: Single Parenting in Beijing

By Michael J. Jordan

BEIJING – I rarely post stuff about my family, preferring to separate my personal and professional lives. That is, unless I believe something family-related might be of value to others – and worth sharing.

For example, since I’ve also coached Chinese students on how to write persuasive Personal Essays for their application to American universities, I wrote this two-part travelogue about a college tour with my own 17-year-old son – which was later published by Beijing Kids magazine.

So, when the Managing Editor of Beijing Kids, Mina Yan, asked me to write an essay for their November issue – and its special focus on Dads, or “Beijing Baba” – I first thought through why exactly their readership might even find my fairly unusual lifestyle-arrangement interesting enough to read. In other words, I applied my own four-step formula to craft a Communication Strategy. This who-what-why-how formula starts with: consider the audience. Who are they? And why exactly are they my target-audience? Meaning, before I can calculate someone’s potential motivation to read or listen to anything I state, I first visualize who exactly “they” are. And why they might even be receptive to my words.

In short, without a clear understanding of who exactly your target-audience is – or at least, as clear an understanding as possible – you’re basically firing blindly with your words. Hoping to hit that target. Maybe you get lucky. But it’s surely not the most efficient or effective way to communicate. From there, the second step of my formula is: What do I want to say? What’s my core message? The third step: Why exactly say that? Why exactly that core message? And the fourth: How exactly to say it? With which facts, details, and so on. Four-five sentences, to organize my disorganized mind.

In the case of my Beijing Kids essay, I envisioned two potential audiences. On the one hand, foreign parents who presumably arrived in China as an intact family, with kids. Perhaps these expats can’t imagine what it’d be like to not only live overseas with kids, but to do so after a split from your partner – yet now, with one or more of your kids in tow. So, perhaps you’d be curious: What would that be like?

On the other hand, I visualized a second audience: Chinese parents, with either limited or extensive interaction with foreigners, in China or abroad. Regardless, I assumed they must have good enough English skills to be reading Beijing Kids magazine in English. Still, why would they read my essay?

I find the Chinese are often curious about the way other people live their lives, in contrast with their own. When it comes to parenting and child-rearing, the Chinese – as one of humanity’s oldest, greatest civilizations – of course have their own unique culture and traditions.

Still, quite a few Chinese parents may be curious to hear how a foreign father, living in their midst, raises his son. Especially, when that boy is already 17, on the cusp of manhood, and gearing up for the next stage of his life: university in either America or Britain. What sort of “pearls of wisdom,” or core values, does that father actually impart to his son? And does that son even embrace such guidance? (Rarely!)

Overall, then, why should these two distinct but (presumably) curious audiences read my essay? I’d give them a reason to: by “opening a window” onto what would indeed seem like a VERY different lifestyle. Next, how to tell the story? Avoid the preachy parenting tips. After all, who am I to advise others? Instead, bring it all to life with honest insights, colorful examples, lessons-learned, and so on.

Did I hit my mark? You be the judge: click here to read my essay. With terrific photos by Uni You! Then, feel free to let me know if I told the story effectively enough – or made it worth the reader’s time. (One Chinese-American mother in Beijing has already sent me a touching note: "Just read your article. Laughed and cried while reading it. Although my son is younger - 13 years old, to be exact - I think all parents could relate to the story.)

Lastly, as I'm actually the proud father of three children, I'd be remiss to not mention them, too. Here's a December 2019 photo of my two younger children, in their new home-city of Istanbul, overlooking the Bosporus River.