My Son Bought Me an Owl for Christmas

My son bought me an owl. Okay, not a real owl, sorry if the headline was misleading; there is too much of that these days, right? The owl my son bought me for Christmas is a screen cleaner kit. It was his first time as a kindergartner to shop at a Secret Santa work shop at his elementary school. The entire family was teary eyed as he proudly passed out his gifts Christmas morning because each present was so clearly thoughtfully chosen by him.

I was thinking this is going to be a lovely yet silly piece of jewelry or a candle, right? But it wasn’t. It was a tool to clean my laptop screen, and this really had me thinking (or, okay admittedly, overthinking). Does my son see me less as a candles and jewelry girl and more as a mother who prioritizes work? Do I not give adequate attention to my kids, my family? Am I doing something that is ultimately going to ruin my son’s life because I wasn’t a present mother? Yikes, yes, an owl did this to me. 

I mention above that I was clearly overthinking this, because in my heart, I know I am a good mom. The best, really. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a perfect mom at all, I yell, lose my temper and hide in the bathroom like all us parents do from time to time. I hide chocolate and ice cream and tell my kids we have none, so I can eat it all after they’ve gone to bed. But I think I have the big, important stuff down pretty good. I am always there for a hug, a kiss, at every sporting event, to read a book at night, I am a part of his school’s PFO, and I am home to tuck them into bed pretty much every single night of his and his sister’s life. I leave work by 4:30 when at all possible to squeeze in as much evening time with them as I possibly can, even if that means working after they go bed. I truly love my role as mommy, it has been the single most fulfilling role I’ve ever experienced.

But guess what, I also like to work. I love my career. I love learning new things and talking with my peers and leading a team. I like the feeling of being at my desk in the morning with a warm cup of coffee and the hustle of working on a tight deadline; these things drive me, and they always have. Before my marriage and my kids, this was my priority. My career. That doesn’t just go away.

So why did this little owl make me think so hard about how my son sees me and even if I’m overthinking it, it does to a degree make sense. And guess what, I’m okay with it making sense. The hardest things we do as mothers who have careers outside of the home is balance it all. Balance the guilt of being away, of having others be the daily care givers to our children against the desire to be the people we were before we had our babies. Our lives changed but no one told us what that would mean to our self-esteem. Our ability to be both; be an amazing mom and have a fulfilling career. The balancing act can be lonely, overwhelming and it can tear you apart if you let it. It can be crippling, and it can make you rethink if you’re doing the right thing a million times a day. Keep you awake at night.

At almost 7 years into this life as a mother, and as someone who thinks they’ve overcome most of the guilt, I was thrown by the owl. But then I looked at all the gifts he bought his family. They were thoughtful. So very, very thoughtful. Each gift, though it might have looked incredibly silly as a single entity, was in fact a reflection of each person. A little scarecrow for my mom because she lives in the country and likes being outside, a book light for my mother in law because she loves to read. Cook books for my husband and father in law because working out and being healthy is important to them both. And I thought, okay. This little person pays attention to what others around him find important. He is kind and loving and giving. And guess what, I help to shape that little person every day, and he’s awesome.

I love my owl. Maybe my son knows that owls are supposedly wise? While at first this owl made me question if I was doing a good job, ultimately, he provided me the wisdom to know that I am doing okay. And my son is doing okay. And, like the owl balanced on the limb of a tree, we career mothers also must find daily balance. It’s okay to be introspective, it’s healthy to wonder from time to time if you’re doing okay. We all wonder if we can stay perched precariously on the branches between family and career. But, also like the owl, we should carry with us the wisdom that we are doing okay if we are doing our best.