My silence is certainly not apathy!

Over the last week, the world has turned on its axis in more ways than one. The tsunami of grief, outrage and anger has taken many by surprise. This division and polarisation of emotions has highlighted the differences in race, culture and privilege. Conversely, it has also brought to the fore humanity, and the capacity to empathise.

On waking and having my first coffee, I usually scroll through social media. I can’t lie, I enjoy the memes and gossip, however, I do this more to gauge the social climate and reactions to daily events. My interest in others has led me to consciously observe behaviour and study emotional intelligence for almost a decade. So, my interest was piqued when further factions were created, through accusations of lack of commitment to #Black Lives Matter and perceived apathy. I was asked why I hadn’t posted affirming comments to Black Lives Matter. Do I not feel strongly about this? Don’t I care? Why aren’t I showing support, especially as an Asian?

My outlook was always going to be different from that of my peers. I grew up in a very conservative, middle-class community where we were the only people of colour. At school, I was the only person who was not white. I now realise how my unique circumstances have shaped the way I think and behave. Perhaps my positive bias and optimism now, is as a result of early childhood experiences? My true friends couldn’t understand why I would be invited by all the cool kids to their parties - I now know, I was merely a novelty, a ‘must-have’. At every school disco, they would play Boney M’s Brown Girl in the Ring and I would be expected to merrily dance in the centre of the circle whilst everyone clapped and sang along. This was the extent of racism I experienced as a small child, all of which went over my head.

The experience of my parents was very different. Both were very highly educated. In fact, my father was head-hunted with job offers from Canada, the US and UK and yet they found it so difficult to find a permanent home for us. Sellers did not wish to sell their house to people like Us. Once my parents did buy, over the years, they became an integral part of an accepting and compassionate community. Time eventually brought a change in demographics to the surrounding area. It was this which triggered uneasiness and fear in the wider community.

My parents instilled in me the importance of working twice as hard as my peers. This was the requirement to get a chair at the table. My accomplishments would give me a voice. This was the only advice they gave as this was the only real fear they had. Now, as the mother of a mixed-race Gen Z son, I worry when he comes to London and socialises with his friends. I cannot possibly fathom how it would feel to have my son targeted or endangered because of the colour of his skin. Black parents now are no longer advising their children to work hard, they are now having to tell them how not to get killed! How is this happening in 2020? It is abhorrent and unacceptable.

At a time of lockdown and self-isolation, there is a real fear of COVID-19 killing us. Imagine how it would be to live your whole life like this. Not to be able to meet in groups with friends and family. To be questioned if you are away from your neighbourhood or home. Doing your best to keep your family safe and doing your best to put food on the table, whilst fearing the consequences of leaving your home. To live in fear for your life, with isolation being the only option for staying safe.

 I personally have found the recent events extremely infuriating, heartbreaking and distressing. I have needed time to acknowledge and understand my emotions and thoughts. I have been unable to outwardly respond.  As a collective, we are in a heightened state of anxiety and fear, it takes time to process what has happened and is happening. The consequences of black voices not being heard is resulting in actions being seen.

You, I, We need to demand a stop to this. We all react to situations differently, based on our own individual experiences. This needs to be recognised, harnessed and used to collectively effect change. We must use and strengthen our emotional intelligence so that we can empathise. Take a stand. Protest. Make a firm and defiant gesture for justice.  Do something to create a future that sees all as equal. 

As an Asian, of course, I have encountered racism. There are varying degrees, the complexity of which can not be explained with broad definitions or slogans. I don’t believe I can understand what it is to be black but I want to stand in the fight against institutional racism.  All Lives do Matter, however, we can only use this statement when there is no longer a need to differentiate. Right now it is black lives that are fighting for life. Right now Black Lives Matter.