Getting Our Of The Quagmire

I wanted to share some of how I got out of the quagmire and malaise of feeling lost, which I felt for a long time which showed itself through zero social confidence, as a kid. Although I was fine in areas I knew well, that made it easier to lose myself in work, which my family's work ethic masked.

a family that plays together stays together

As we age we get more practiced at hiding a lack of confidence, and food was how my family further masked their emotions, and discussing emotions was positively discouraged, no uncommon of course. My two older siblings, a sister and brother from another mother, were evacuated during the war, they went to stay with a wonderful woman - Auntie Carrie - who was gloriously unapologetic for just being her.  A formidable breath of fresh breeze.

She rarely visited but when she did it was exciting, and not only was food a big thing for her, she was a massive foodie, but she brought a Mary Poppins type bag full of goodies she'd essentially brought from a charity shop where you didn't know whether a jigsaw puzzle would have missing pieces, but we didn't mind.  The thrill of hearing the "I've got something here for you" phrase was as exciting as Christmas because of the ceremony she put into it.

One time my brother was about 7 and sent from the kitchen to ask her if she wanted apple pie or fruit and ice cream, and the shock on his face when she said "yes please". She had both.  Memories like this feed into our associations with food, and if you're a foodie too then you know all too well what I'm talking about.

food is love

For some of us food was how our folks expressed their love for us because… they learned it from their folks and on it goes. That is until it becomes something else. Because the love can turn in on itself and become self-loathing, as with any compulsion when it turns into a substitute for what we're not dealing with… The Stress Factor.

Losing a parent at a young age has an impact even if we don't realise it at the time. When it happened to me in the late 1960's there was no counselling on offer, and it's good that that's changed. I know it set me on the path of curiosity in terms of how we humans tick, and a dryer sense of humour kick-started.  But reaching out to any mind-numbing substance also kicked in, food among them.

wonky relationships with food are triggered by unhealed emotional shenanigans

It's been a massive learning and bringing myself out of it, helped me discover a swathe of 21st century methods that get to the gubbins which I continue using on myself too. I didn't start learning properly how challenging food compulsions are in terms of:

• we have to eat
• if we've developed these habits we'll crave high fat, sugar, salt products when stressed
• habits take 21-28 days to develop and the more we practice them the stronger they get

If you're struggling with food it's okay, you're okay, you can get there, here are three tips:

1-Stop Dieting

A report came out in 2008 where the UCLA completed a study of 30+ diets over 2-5 years.

They concluded that diets are the best way to put weight on because:

Two years down the line they found that most people - approx 76.5% - had not only regained the weight, but they'd put on more weight and would have been better off not dieting at all.

Basically it screws with the metabolism.

2-Eat Regularly

Make sure to fit in meal-times, they're important in terms of kick-starting the metabolism in the morning, especially in the morning.  This can impact how much the cravings kick in at the other end of the day. Mornings can be challenging if you've binged the night before, so make it a priority. NB. When cravings kick in the subconscious desire kicked in much earlier in the day, so developing a strategy to address it earlier on will help enormously.

3-Check Your Sleep

normalising your sleep = normalises your eating = normalising your relationships with food

Recent findings have shifted in terms of times to sleep that if you're a night owl or an early bird that's allowed for as 20% of us are in each of these categories, and the outstanding 60% conform to a sleep schedule that fits into the 9-5. Weight gain is more about sleep deprivation rather than times of day so you're covered where you're performing at night:

sleep deprivation causes changes to hormones that regulate hunger and appetite. The hormone leptin suppresses appetite and encourages the body to expend energy 

sleep deprivation reduces leptin...

lack of sleep makes you more likely to eat more of your overall calories at night, which can lead to weight gain

Over recent years I've lost close family and as a night owl it's easily impacted my sleep. it's one I'm particularly working on getting back on track, having lost my little brother late last year after a very short illness, where wonky eating crept back in and that's okay. 

The difference is I now know what to do and the spring has brought my personal growth endeavour back into the frame. If you'd like to join me in finding your way out of your own food relationship quagmire, I offer a 3-step mapping consultation process that gets you clearer on where you're going and what you're going to do to get there. You can message me if you have questions, or to book yours.

Jane x