My reflections about Belonging

Be who you are where you are. If you can’t be who you are where you are, change the ‘where’ and not the ‘who’ – a quote I heard from one of the panelists at Ascend Convention 2024

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Last week, I had the chance to attend the Ascend Convention 2024, themed ‘We Lead Together’ where I felt the nostalgia of home, that is Asia. There were about 2500 attendees of Asian American, Native Hawaii and Pacific Islander descent. The variety of accents and languages reminded me of my previous role when I worked across the Asia Area markets.

It was my first time attending the convention. I felt like a kid in a candy store – I simply felt good about just being who I am. As I reflected on the various sessions I attended and the feeling I had, I asked these questions – What makes one feel belonging? How can we multiply how one feel belonging? Here, I would like to share some thoughts that I penned down at the convention. I encourage you to also share your thoughts and/or stories too.?

The Platinum Rule - Treat others how they would like to be treated. I learned about the Platinum Rule during my MBA days two decades ago. My way of thinking about it is to treat others the way they would like to be treated. This is a harder rule than the Golden Rule that we are accustomed to. Living the Platinum Rule requires us to be curious, be patient and be present in our interactions with others. I posit that the Golden Rule often creates accidental diminishing experiences for individuals because they are not seen nor heard as who they are. A negative experience is expensive - I heard at the convention it takes five positive experiences to cover one negative experience.?

One of my favorite TV series is NCIS – Gibbs’ interactions with his team members are fertile with the Platinum Rule. Gibbs, despite being a man with few words, has this uncanny ability to nudge his team members to grow in their own ways. The team becomes a family (that is belonging at its greatest depth) and they thrive. For every individual we have the privilege to work with and especially those we lead, take notice, help and be slow to write off with our stereotypes and biases. Apply the Platinum Rule. Let the other person know “You are seen”. As Maya Angelou said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”?

Pay it forward. Many panelists at the convention spoke about sponsoring, mentoring and being allies to others. Make waves that lift all boats. That resonates with me. As I looked back at how I have grown in my career and the opportunities that I have been given, there have been individuals who showed up for me and took chances with me. Amongst them, Lee Mui Ling who patiently taught me about simplifying my thinking into one page (not pages) recommendation, Greg Reynolds who sponsored me to get my first work experience in the States, Jeanne Fedoryk who showed me what being inclusive is all about and Raj Sundarason who believed in me to do a Sales role.?

In our workplaces, we can mentor, sponsor, and be allies to others in showing up and standing up for them. Show others they belong, and this could be one of the strongest prognostic factors for their growth and thriving at work. “Paying it forward is an expense we all can afford and one that humanity can’t afford to live without”. Unknown.?

Have a personal board of directors. I’ll admit that this is a new space for me, and it is an intriguing concept. I have mentors and coaches, but I have not considered having a personal board of directors – a diverse group of individuals who act as independent career advisers. I think the basic tenets include human connections, check for unconscious biases and celebrating differences. And the feeling that I have a community, a support pillar, that I don’t have to go it alone. I can see that a personal BoD provides an avenue for discourse in a psychological safe environment and that a well appointed personal BoD renders a meaningful and lasting engagement.?

I am more than happy to contribute as a career BoD member to individuals who reach out to me. This will be a new experience for me. I would like to ask those of you who have done this before to please share your experience as I ponder on my next steps in building a personal BoD.?

Belonging is good for business. In one HBR article, high belonging was linked to a whopping 56% increase in job performance, a 50% drop in turnover risk, a 75% reduction in sick days, and a 167% increase in employer promoter score. Nonetheless, there is no magic wand to belonging. It is a verb. It needs and calls for us to act. It happens with one act for one person at a time.