MY RECOVERY...

My father raised me to be a strong woman. My mother’s achievements taught me early on in life that I was good enough and I could be all that I dreamt to be. So, I started my career as a confident young woman. I never really saw myself as lacking even though I only had little HR knowledge/experience. I was confident in my ability to grasp things quickly. I learnt fast and within 18 months I had my ACIPM certification. I was pleased with my pace as I was and still am in love with the profession! Everything was going on fine; I was learning fast and my career was on the upward trajectory. Within 3 years I was ready for greater opportunities! 

So, I took on another job opportunity which seemed good at the time. But there was a snag. There was just no pleasing my Line Manager. Let’s call the new Line Manager “Boss”.

Boss had the mindset that the function of HR is to sanction and fire Staff at the slightest provocation. Unfortunately, I was, and I am still not that kind of HR professional. We simply were not in sync. Within 2 months of starting this new role, I knew I made a wrong move.

Ooops! How did I let this happen? Boss had successfully built a fully dysfunctional and toxic organization! Boss encouraged unhealthy competition, she was always right and everyone else was wrong. I remember Boss once told me that she could handle all the functions in the Organization, and she didn’t need any of us. At meetings, you could literarily taste the tension and agitation of all Staff. If Boss requested to see me, I would go into the toilet to say a prayer first. I kid you not! Working with Boss was just as emotionally draining for most people within the organization.

However, I was so keen on adding value and decided to overlook all the negatives. Then I began to experience some symptoms. It became more difficult for me to speak at meetings, I started to second guess things that I would typically say or do with ease, I was hesitant about voicing my opinion, I became shy, sometimes distracted, mostly timid……. I started to doubt myself.

ROAD TO RECOVERY……

During a conversation with a mentor, I shared with him some of the confidence issues I was experiencing. He encouraged me to get myself out of that situation. Thankfully, I was able to do so within a few months of the conversation. I joined a new organization and a new team . I struggled a bit in my new team because I had gotten somewhat used to unhealthy ways of work. My new Line Manager was patient with me as a gradually began to rediscover myself, fix myself and rebuild my self-confidence.  Recovery was not easy (Story for another day) but daily I am becoming a better version of who I was the previous day.

Thinking about the deep cutting impact of toxic people and environments on us makes me shudder. Sometimes we do not even realize quickly how much impact it has on us. It slowly chips away at our sense of self.

It is up to individuals to flee such unhealthy relationships! It is also up to us to consciously create positive relationships and environments that help ourselves and others thrive. Be conscious of who you are, be conscious of who you let into your space and be aware enough to know when something is beginning to “go off” with you. Be able to perceive negative energy from a distance and address it! It’s not always easy but it’s achievable. I strongly believe that people were not born toxic. They only became toxic by virtue of their experiences - events or encounters.

I am becoming conscious of who I am and who I allow into my space. I am on a road to recovery…I am Oyin Oyekunle and this is an excerpt from my musings.

Oyin’s Musing