My Reality in Should and Must

One year later and a time to reflect on my experience in the journey of Should and Must or I should say the reality of Should and Must. Single words come to mind in this one-year reflection and they are…..exhilarating, hard, frustrating, identity, courageous, loss, hope, risk, purpose, conviction, passion, confusion, brave, inspiration, steadfast, loneliness, questioning, determined, patience, hard, insightful, learning, and the list goes on.

When you dramatically change how you show up in the world whether that’s based on title, subject-matter-expertise, rank, community, or anything else that makes you feel safe, provides a sense of belonging, or in a space where you know you’ve earned your place at the table, it can be a very scary and uncomfortable experience. So how does one conjure up the bravery to do Must knowing this will likely be part of the process?

The process as it began.

Soon after leaning into Must by taking on a new career and job role, I received the following feedback from a senior leader in my organization “Congratulations Anna on your new role and I am so proud of you for taking this risk.” Wow. What did this mean? This comment soon created an indelible mark in my mind as it would eventually sum up my one-year experience.

What shortly happened is I no longer understood how to show up. Meaning, in my prior career role, I showed up with a title, status, and a proven work-experience record which garnered my earned “place at the table.” This created safety, status, and a sense of belonging that would soon dissipate. What I then experienced was a loss of identity, acceptance, credibility, and, unfortunately, in some cases respect. This by far would be the hardest mountain to climb on my way to Must. 

I had to learn for my own sense of survival, that I had to replace these feelings of loss and identity, with continual reminders of why I had leaned into Must and why I had walked away from Should. As Elle Luna shared in her book, The Crossroads of Should and Must – Find and Follow Your Passion starting over, making a career change or life change, is one of the most life-affirming thing you can do to honor the voice inside that says you have something special to give, and then heed the call and act. This is what inspired me to reach out to Must and achieve that goal.

Although I have had to work hard to redefine how to show up and earn my place at the table, I would do Must again because I think about the people who have inspired me in the fight towards justice and equity such as Dolores Huerta, Martin Luther King Jr., Cesar Chavez, and many others who were willing to give of themselves for the betterment of society. I can’t allow my own feelings to interfere with the importance of the ongoing work towards inclusion, diversity, and health equity for all, especially now.

Readers of my post in 2019, My Journey in Should and Must, continue to reach out to me. My post conjured up similar feelings for others and their inspiration to consider their Must. Now, however, I am much more aware that through my lived-experience of what Must involves, it is total and unwavering commitment. You should accept that Must can be hard, scary, and does involve risk from varying perspectives.

It was the following in Elle’s book that was the catalyst for me to do Must – Job = Career = Calling. I had to admit to myself as scary as it was, that this was not adding up for me no matter how much more comfortable and rewarding it was in Should. Must requires concessions on many fronts but if you are given a chance to do Must, you know you have to respond to that burning platform and yearning deep inside. Must is a feeling that will never go away until you respond to it. Failure to respond culminates in regret.

Still on the journey.

I am here for those of you also hearing the call to Must. As I go into my second year of Must I am now more fully aware that I am still on the journey. I know that I need to continue to be patient and accept that although Should provided a more safe and secure environment, it is Must that gives me a sense of real purpose and conviction to help create a more equitable world.