My Real Job

"When you get these jobs that you have been so brilliantly trained for, just remember that your real job is that if you are free, you need to free somebody else. If you have some power, then your job is to empower somebody else." - Toni Morrison

I am one of six children. I'm the eldest daughter and my little brother Koobpheej, aka KP, is the youngest son. We are 7 years apart. This is the story of my baby brother's evolution. This is the story of our evolution as siblings.

2021: KP was struggling to figure out his next steps in life post-high school and fell into deep depression. He lacked motivation, confidence, and self-esteem. He had put on a lot of weight. I suggested he fly to stay with me in Philadelphia for a month to get some fresh air away from home. I was the only person in our family who chose to leave the Midwest and permanently relocate to the East Coast after attaining my Master's degree at the University of Pennsylvania Graduate School of Education. I figured that perhaps some perspective could elevate his view of his circumstances. That's what leaving home did for me. KP agreed to come. I booked his round-trip flights from MSP to PHL.

I will never forget what KP said during our hike to The Pinnacle along the Appalachian Trail in Pennsylvania. KP said to me, "Kia, I know the family thinks I am a loser and I am stupid."

I said to KP, "I am sorry if I ever said anything to make you believe you are a loser; I don't think you are a loser or stupid. I actually think you are smart, kind, caring, and the MVP uncle to our nieces and nephews. I know what it feels like to be 23 years old, it's a prime number and it's a sh*tty age. Trust me, I was stuck in the gutter at that age, too. But I promise you, life only gets better from here because you get to choose your adventure. Up until now, the path was paved for you from K-12. But now, you get to design how you want your life to look like."

All it took was for someone to believe in KP, and to verbally affirm that to him. He just needed to be seen and heard. I was grateful to be that person. My real job was to be a champion, cheerleader, and empowerer to my brother.

2022: KP flew back home to Minnesota for a year. He had figured out his next "adventure" was to join the US military and be a part of a cause larger than himself. He wanted to be of service to his country. However, he understood he was physically unfit to be admitted into the military. He asked me if I could book his flights to return to Philly to live with me for 3 months to help him lose weight to reach his goal of joining the military. I agreed under a few conditions: 1) You have to run races with me, 2) You have to buy your own groceries and cook for yourself, and 3) You have to leave in 3 months.

KP ran the Gritty 5K with me (his first race ever). He ran up and down the Rocky Steps at the Art Museum with me. I also introduced him to authentic Mexican tacos (his only exposure was Taco Bell), Korean fried chicken wings (he assumed it was like KFC), Indian food, Ethiopian food, and Dim Sum. Our time together was as much a cultural exploration as it was a fitness experience. My job wasn't to be his personal fitness coach or his cultural tour guide. My real job was to be a champion, cheerleader, and empowerer to my brother.

2023: KP flew back home to Minnesota for another year. He faced many setbacks. He told me he was talking to various recruiters from various branches of the military (i.e. Army, Marine, and Navy) because there were too many roadblocks. He was starting to act out of character in Minnesota and our family members started to distance themselves from him. I had no idea how the military recruitment and admissions process worked, but I was just honored he trusted me enough to share his challenges with me. I had my fair share of doubt and fear about the uncertainty of his commitment to his goals, as did my other family members. I remember taking KP out for a birthday brunch when I was visiting family in Minnesota. It was his 26th birthday. He thought everyone had forgotten about it since there wasn't a big celebration planned. I asked him for a life update on his goals. He seemed distracted, dysregulated, and directionless. But instead of projecting my fears and doubts, I reminded him that I believed in his dreams and I knew he had it in him to achieve them.

By the end of the year in 2023, I received a text message from KP of a college transcript. I zoomed into the screenshot of the transcript. Indeed, it was an actual legitimate college transcript. I work on a college campus so I was able to identify and read the transcript fluently. He took 4 courses and received passing grades. I responded with a text message, "Congratulations on taking college-level courses and getting good grades! I didn't know you were enrolled. What's going on?"

He shared that his recruiter suggested he attain some college credit before going into the military in order to begin his military career with a higher rank. He complied and took online college courses the entire fall semester without telling anyone in our family. By Thanksgiving of 2023, KP was flown out to Fort Jackson in Columbia, SC for basic training. My job wasn't to critique or judge him for his setbacks. My real job was to be a champion, cheerleader, and empowerer to my brother.

2024: KP didn't tell the family about his induction ceremony on March 7, 2024 at Fort Jackson in Columbia, SC. I guess he just assumed we wouldn't attend even if we knew about it, so in order to avoid the disappointment he didn't care to share the details. He only shared a lop-sided photo of a document from the Army directing families to mail care packages to a specific address. At the upper right hand corner of that document, there was a small box that stated:

Family Day March 6, Induction Ceremony March 7.         

I understood KP wouldn't have access to his phone due to military training so he wouldn't be able to respond to my questions in a timely matter. I called Fort Jackson to inquire about more details. The admins transferred me from one office to the next, and no one really had any answers for me besides, "Follow the instructions on the Facebook group." Which Facebook group? "3rd Battalion Infantry Regiment." But there were so many groups with that name! Eventually, I figured it out. My sister Gina and I made plans to attend Family Day and the Induction Ceremony on March 6-7.

KP was delighted to see us! Though KP didn't express his gratitude in words, he expressed it in his eyes. He was talkative and lively! He had so much to share with us: all the acronyms in the military, the 6-mile forges with 50 lbs packs, the shooting ranges, his daily routine from 5 a.m. to 9 p.m., his drill sergeant whom he admired and feared, his MRE meals, etc. We obviously noticed how much weight he had lost during his 4-month training. He was thrilled to give us a driving tour of the military base and share his little slice of life with us.

I am so proud of KP!!! Proud of his journey, the setbacks that set him up for success, his commitment to his goals, his transformation both mentally and physically, and his willingness to allow me to be on the front-row seat in his journey. My only job was to be a champion, cheerleader, and empowerer to my brother.