My Quintessential Love Story of Journey Within

I remember, the glamourous feeling I had for my dad's camera, it was a Japanese make, fixed lens, film camera, Cosina AF. It was a prized possession of his and gave me reluctantly to capture family portraits. I still remember taking it to my college to freeze some memories, while by then, the digital revolution has already been sweeping the photographic market; for me, films were still the favorites.

I always had an urge to go beyond and try more, but for some reason couldn't. After some years, I got a chance and got a Nikon-5100D, and a tourist got ignited in me.

One feels like Zen (more meditative), the touch of the machine as an extended part of the body, the Viewfinder acts as an extension of one's vision, and the shutter as a power to freeze the very moment forever in eternity. When the camera is lifted to make the scene, it's less about the scene and more about the (own) soul, which he is searching for long…

He sees the world through the Viewfinder; he gets transported from the current chaos into the world of constant search of himself.

Photography is a journey that everyone starts, more like an outside-in approach, and if continues, matures to be an inside out. You are not even a beginner, but a na?ve in my eye. That naiveness will let you see the world as is, and one starts to shoot snaps as the walk begins. People, objects, birds, everything is to be captured as is. The thought to frame is more reactive and has a pinch of impatience of closing the third eye, the shutter. For the sake of simplicity, let's call this to be a touristic approach of photography

When one starts as a tourist, its a honeymoon period, there is no comparison, no imposter syndrome, you are clicking your best shots, liking whatever is happening. And that's because there is only intimacy (with the touristic self), no conflicts, no questions, no doubts, only intimacy. The journey is more on auto mode; you have not spent much time reading the camera, don't know much about composition trifecta.

The push from a tourist to a beginner can happen very soon for the souls of the curious bend of mind. They tend to watch DIY YouTube videos on how to get better with the camera, search some local clubs to get early lessons, and I must say my approach had it all. I downloaded some lessons, searched for free e-books, joined a photography club on weekends to know the camera.

With the machine becoming part of his body, he gets the power to see what is about to happen. The world is continuously moving in the form of a pattern. He pre-visualizes the trend of people doing their daily chores, takes the essence of his environment, feels the heat of the sun, so he moves to get the glace of its rays. Suddenly he realizes that something is going to happen and sees through the third eye to stop the time.

When you drift from a beginner to an amateur, you start from high confidence of clicking everything perfectly and sheer (& innocent) ignorance of missing the sense of direction.

This step for a curious one is to find what s/he likes, what gets the attention, start doing some research on the broad view of photography genres, start to read the masters. Slowly the hunch takes it and calls the shot in the mind on what attracts the emotion. Is it the calmness of landscape, mystiques of wildlife, the humanity of documentary photography, or the quirkiness of street? And this is a much easier decision as the gut takes it for you. The soul gets attracted to the inner self with some connection to the past life.

It is the journey that acts as a litmus test to most of us who call ourselves photographers. The next step dips the excitement to the low, and the self-doubts start to seep in. The internal battle is about to start (or in some cases already started) on why he is doing it, is it for himself or others whom he doesn't know. The trap of social media pushes him to pursue it for the outer world, which gives them instant gratification in the form of likes and followers. The trap is quick and can force him to some limits, but the bigger question is, was this journey outwards or meant to be inwards?

Now, this is the place where most of the divorces happen with the love of photography.

As an amateur, you are about to enter the long-term commitment with your naive self and commit to lifelong learning and creativity. It will not promise to give you any material return or, for the matter of fact, takes a lifetime to come back with some inner recognition.

The patience takes the toll as there is a massive gap in the beginner's confidence and what I see forward. The apparent disconnect starts with the escalation of expectations, as its not speed dating but marriage. The self-doubt takes over and pushes me to decide if I want to stay or drop it forever.

It would be wrong if I say the masters never had self-doubt; we all have our battles with our inner self, but the ones who make the mark are the ones who have won this battle and pursued their passion with all in zeal.

My self-doubt has taken over me for a good two years, and I broke up with her in my heart, but I must confess, there was not an iota of love which was lost. I always knew ill go back to her, and I had a feeling that she will accept me with open arms unconditionally and forgive me for my deeds. And she did...

Like water, photography gives the reflection of the true self of that moment.

The journey in photography is more towards finding yourself and understanding different egos in the dimension of time.

Hence there would be a specific pattern in which the source code of finding self is buried. One has to go deeper into finding that subconscious self by surrendering the conscious self of seeing.

I came back with the passion and a much sincere effort to make a mark as an amateur, well equipped with the intent to find myself, growing knowledge of love, and what I need to take forward my quintessential love story and journey within.

I start to give shape to my newly revived relationship by investing more conscious time in it, reading more, researching more, understanding what work has been done and what I can do, which can add meaning.

So now, I continue to build context around the passion of love towards her, and she responds to me with a subtle form of attraction and intimacy to continue because she is timeless…