MY Q&A WITH LICENSED CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST, HEATHER M. STONE, PSY.D

As Entrepreneurs we are generally social animals. It’s part of our DNA; part of our makeup. I would argue that most successful entrepreneurs are either extroverts, or at least introverts very adept at playing in the adult social sandbox when the need is present.

As Entrepreneurs, a significant portion of our days can be spent in meetings, traveling between business locations and other socialization in general. For myself, that involves everyone from my dry cleaner to the staff at our restaurants and membership clubs, to the investors, partners, and employees of our various business ventures.

When social interaction is a part of our standard day, how do we cope with the current Covidcreated, shelter-at-home and self-quarantine guidelines? For answers, I sought the advice of a good friend and Licensed Clinical Psychologist Ms. Heather Stone, Psy.D.

CHARLES

Heather, to say the last few weeks have been bizarre and somewhat unsettling would be an understatement, how are you personally holding up with all the news, information, disinformation and daily life as we have now come to understand it?

HEATHER

I imagine I am experiencing many of the same emotions most people are during this time…anxiety, fear, even defeat. I try to remind myself that anxiety and fear are normal, healthy responses to perceived threats. Anxiety is a physiological and psychological response that all people, even animals, experience, and it propels us to protect ourselves – we need fear & anxiety to survive.  Without it, we would all be out in the world going about our typical daily routines, and in this current landscape would mean exponentially more people could die (the ultimate threat). It has been an adjustment to be limited in what we are allowed to do, where we areallowed to go, and whom we are allowed to see, but I try to remind myself that this is temporary. I also find it important to set boundaries with myself in terms of watching the news & sources of information. I put a finite time-limit on my daily news intake and make conscious efforts to scroll past “news” updates on social media. To combat the potential for biased, inaccurate misinformation I typically go straight to the source: www.cdc.gov.

I also try to resort to my optimist-roots and find the silver lining in all this. Despite the physical disconnect we are experiencing; I do believe this pandemic is unifying humanity to a degree I never thought would be possible. Finally, something that does not discriminate between race, ethnicity, religion, gender, age, political persuasion, socioeconomic status, or geographic location, has emerged out of this harrowed darkness, and we are reminded at the end of the day that we are all humans fighting the same fight: existence. We are binding together, cooperating, and connecting on a more authentic, deeper level than I believe we were prior to this pandemic.

CHARLES

As I mentioned, entrepreneurs are used to what I would describe as a very busy social existence; what are some ways that we can help deal with or alleviate loneliness during this time?

HEATHER

This new “normal” can be especially challenging for entrepreneurs and extroverts alike. I think it is important to acknowledge that loneliness is a very real, very disturbing experience that many people are experiencing right now, and we should make every effort to get ahead of it as much as we can. I find that scheduling video- chat meetings for the evening with friends not only gives me something to look forward to all day, it helps combat my loneliness. Plans to video-chat with friends also motivates me to do my hair, put on makeup, and get dressed-up, the process so closely mimics what I would be doing in real life that it nearly feels as satisfying.

Social media also offers us an extraordinary platform to connect; live feeds, stories, and posts orchestrate an illusion of connection, despite being limited physically. Living in this newfound, quarantine-reality has also inspired me to reach out & connect with people I might not typically. I find myself more inclined to pick up the phone and call that Aunt Sally I rarely speak to or check-in with my friends on a daily basis when normally I may only see them over cocktails at Happy Hour on Friday. Oddly enough, these new forms of socializing seem to carry more intention, purpose, and significance, something that we may have lost sight of in pre- quarantine life.

CHARLES

I have been hearing from multiple clients, friends, and associates that they are experiencing what they have described as a “lack of control”. Would this be a normal reaction to the current environment we find ourselves in, and what can we do to mitigate or help alleviate this feeling?

HEATHER

Absolutely. Feeling a “lack of control” is a completely normal response to stressful situations, which this pandemic is causing people to experience globally.  My response to this perceived lack of control is twofold. Firstly, I remind myself of what I can control; what do I have control of? When I write a list of all the things I have control of, I find my anxiety & stress diminishes notably, I feel safer, and I feel a resurgence of hope.

 Secondly, I adopt the mindset of “radical acceptance,” a term coined by psychologist Marsha Linehan, acknowledging that we cannot always change the circumstances life presents. Sometimes we just need to radically accept that there are variables beyond our control, they may be difficult and unpleasant, but accepting the situation may decrease the emotional energy it takes to resist it.

Implementing strategies to reduce anxiety and stress are needed more than ever right now. These emotions often cause mental and physical distress, so participating in activities like meditation, yoga, and relaxation or breathing techniques help address both components. In addition, we should be incorporating self-care into our lives! Now more than ever, we need to find time to relax & engage in activities we enjoy – maybe this is reading a book on your porch with the sunshine illuminating your face or cozying up on the couch with a glass of wine to binge-watch your favorite show. Whatever it may be, remember self-care is a necessity to maintain our emotional sanity during this chaotic time.

CHARLES

I have been told it’s very important to maintain some form of schedule during this “shelter in place” rule, what are your thoughts on this and any advice?

HEATHER

A schedule is absolutely important to maintain a sense of normalcy right now. I make every effort to replicate my typical work schedule. What does that mean? I go to sleep around the same time every night, wake up as I normally would in the morning, go about my typical morning routine (e.g., coffee, shower, breakfast, putting on work-clothes), and sit at a desk with my computer. Obviously, some improvising is required if your desk is the dining room table or your partner is also working from home but establishing those new locations and preparing them as you would at your office helps ease the transition.

Try to set-up your new workspace in a place free from distractions (as best you can, I know this is especially difficult for parents). As tempting as it might be, try not to work on your computer all day from your bed – this may negatively impact your ability to get a good night’s sleep. The next thing I suggest is – take breaks! It’s important to move your body, allow your mind to rest, and look away from a computer screen from time to time.

Give yourself a lunch-break, put the computer down, turn the phone on silent, and give yourself some time to decompress mid-day. Not only is it important to keep your work schedule similar but maintaining your usual routine as best you can within the confines of quarantine is ideal. A study published in 2011 (Avni-babad) found that routine behaviors enhance people’s feelings of safety, confidence, and overall well-being; mimicking our ordinary routines as best as we are able will hopefully enhance ouremotional experience during this difficult & usual time.

References: Avni-Babad, Dinah. Routine and feelings of safety, confidence, and well-being.

https://doi.org/10.1348/000712610X513617. March, 2011.

 Linehan, M. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy of Borderline Personality Disorder. New York: The Guilford Press, 1993.