My Pursuit for Care & Cure in the New Normal

I’m a working mom of 2 school aged children (ages - 5 & 9) and as with many other mothers, the past few months have caused major tectonic shifts in my life. Just before the lockdown I got diagnosed with an L4-L5 herniated disc (yeah - ouch!) and I was bedridden for a few weeks. Most recently the CA-fires and schools reopening have created additional hurdles in my household. Over the last few months, I’ve embraced positive thinking, meditation, and self-care to stay sane and maintain resilience during this challenging time. In this note, I wanted to share a bit about things impacting me and my coping strategies. My hope is that it might help someone going through similar challenges. As this is not over yet and the struggle is real every day - I am also hoping to hear your ways to cope.

The state of the world

I felt panicked, anxious and stressed out when the CA fire warning was issued. I was planning fiercely for a place to go to, if evacuation orders came through, things to take with us, worrying for my kids’ safety, necessary supplies etc.

Just as the fires were somewhat under control & evacuation orders were lifted, the school year started for my children. My daughter Aarohi (9 years old) and my son Aarnik (5 years old) were excited for their first day of online schooling. On the first day, I participated in the parent-teacher meet up for my son, while my husband did the same for my daughter, but my son decided to hide behind me and shy away from the Zoom meeting and throw epic tantrums. It took me a good amount of effort to convince him to say “hello” to his teacher and fellow classmates on Zoom. My kindergartner is required attend and participate for a solid 3 hours/day, which is a stretch for sure. I was impressed by the teacher’s patience as she was managing ~26 toddlers on Zoom and trying to get them to follow her instructions. The kids on the other hand were having a grand time by singing, crying, moving away from their desks, and talking over each other. It was very interesting to watch the first hour of the class and I thought to myself “will this ever work?” I also questioned how a teacher makes progress in a class like this caught up with 24 prankful kindergarteners.

Navigating my way through

A natural question that comes to my mind is what can one do in these trying situations. I immediately categorized challenges into two buckets: 1) things you can control 2) things you can’t. Therefore, focus on what you can control and leave what you can’t. I know I am not alone, we all had to adjust to this new world and function productively amidst so many changes occurring around us. For me managing household chores (cooking, cleaning, laundry etc.) along with office work while playing the role of a teacher and helping my kids with online schooling has been challenging. But I immediately remembered this saying:

A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor

Challenges and adversity force you to be stronger and to navigate the stormy seas of life. And even though these situations are not ideal, remember that you are stronger, more confident, and more capable than you thought you were going into this.

Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't.

Taking control -- Self Care

Taking control for me begins with self-care. It has become extremely important to me in recent days. For me it begins with how I manage my daily stress factors, and how I respond to them, but it also requires planning & discipline. Here are my steps for practicing self care:

1. Listen To Your Body

Your body talks to you, but you need to listen to it (that too, keenly!). Every little discomfort serves to paint a bigger picture. In early 2020, I was dealing with chronic back pain (herniated disc with sciatica) and felt immense stress, and the string of events following added a whole lot to it. I created a self-healing plan that worked for me and got me to a better place. A succession of difficult events led me to cogitate a lot, introducing me to meditation! With consistent meditation, I became more mindful. I’m learning the art of being present and less reactive, which overall helped me maintain my sanity in the toughest moments. I learned to build necessary routines involving physical exercise and meditation to stay healthy, and mindful. I am disciplined about it and I practice these habits and make them second nature rather than conscious endeavors.

2. A Cure Mindset

When I get bogged down with stressful situations and figuring out what I can control vs not, I try my best to think about it objectively. Having a positive, purposeful, present mindset is one of the keys of leadership and happiness. Maintaining a clear and present mind takes work, especially if I want to be focused, open-minded, and fully present during packed days with back-to-back meetings. It begins with a change of attitude. Your body is your ally in good times and bad, as it carries out everything it can do so you truly thrive. What you give to your mind and body, it gives back the same to you. I share with you some of the tools and techniques that has proven effective for me:

a. Schedule yourself to sanity: Build a schedule and make sure you build breaks in your day. Some days, the workload is so hectic and with important back to back meetings, this leads to skipping meals!! And so, it is extremely important that you build a break in your schedule of the day

b. Exercise your Mind - Meditate: Our jobs are stressful and to manage stress, I feel that meditation is the most impactful technique to combat that. I have a personal meditation corner in my home and it has made me want to meditate everyday as a result. I try to reflect on my personal vision:

Improve myself, inspire a healthier world.

But, how do you meditate?

In meditation I think that one has to experience it and feel it to truly know the power of it! Sharing my meditation experience here:

• The best way to do this by finding the a place that you feel most rooted.
• Sit down, legs folded, eyes closed and just focus on your breathing for 15-20 minutes (choose the timeframe that’s comfortable for you).
• Don’t chase away your thoughts. Meditation is about allowing those distracting thoughts to come but keeping the focus on your breathing.
• The breathing technique: I follow the process of deep inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. I count my breaths: 1 through 4 for inhaling through the nose, 1 through 4 for holding the breath, and 1-4 for exhaling through the mouth and repeating this pattern (aka rhythmic breathing). With every cycle, you need to go deeper in your relaxation. The key here is to be in the present and let go of the past.
• Remember, you are the gatekeeper of your mind and you decide what enters there. Therefore, replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations.
• Additional tip: you can play a soothing music or observe your palm or a flower as you train your mind to be in the present

This technique does wonders. It showed me by directing my attention within, I can build resilience, find healing, and create a new version of myself.

c. Journaling

Journaling for me has been transformative and quite healing . It also allowed me to pull my thoughts together to form a cohesive structure. The power of watching your words on paper can heal you in amazing ways. Re-reading journal entries has allowed me to understand and cope with what I was experiencing.

I keep my journaling simple, I write 3 things I did well on that day (everyday) and also add a few lines and sentences of gratitude in my journal. I’m terribly privileged and lucky and not a day goes by where I forget to acknowledge my wonderful life. I also wanted to share the learning class I took that's offered by Adam Grant and Sheryl Sandberg in their joint-book Option B. Highly recommend this learning class and all its video modules :

https://www.dhirubhai.net/learning/sheryl-sandberg-and-adam-grant-on-option-b-building-resilience/building-community-resilience

An Additional Point

The Trifecta effect: Food, sleep, and workouts play a combined mega impact on the metabolism, immune system and hormonal balance of the body. Fitness gives you power, confidence, and helps release those happy hormones.

While these habits won’t be right for everyone, I encourage you to think about how you can maximize your impact and manage your energy vs. your time. Also, to develop mental endurance and resilience,

I think we need to develop an attitude of gratitude and practice unconditional optimism knowing that it’s all going to be okay in the end!

We will come out stronger and humbler with each life experience and this too shall pass!

Thank You!

I want to say a huge thank you to all my family and friends who supported me throughout these trying times. I cannot say thank you enough. During times like these, it is important to be there for those in pain and in need. Each one of us can be an ally to support each other and take care of each other. As MLK once said:

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

Stay safe and stay healthy everyone, and wishing you best in your pursuit of care and cure!