My Pronouns Aren't Actually About Me
Sarah Elkins
International Speaker | Workshop Facilitator | Storyteller | Musician | Gallup StrengthsFinder Coach | 300+Episodes Podcast Host | Author | Job Interview Coach
Why I Added Pronouns to My Profile Name
Shortly after I added (she, her) to my profile name and left a comment on a friend's post, someone I love responded with "lose the pronouns" in his response to my comment.
I was annoyed, why would he care what my title says? It felt insulting, critical, like a condescending comment you'd expect from your older brother when you were teenagers.
Now I have nothing but appreciation for that snide remark.
As I took my walk on the mountain behind my house that day, I thought more about his comment. I hadn't truly considered why I added the pronouns and realized it was important for me to have clarity around that. After all, my friends and connections know how much the word intention fills my world!
The evening before I added pronouns I participated in a webinar "The 5 Languages of Appreciation at Work" hosted by my dear friend Amy Ashworth (who nailed it, by the way.)
In the beginning of the webinar, one participant said that in other small webinars, guests introduced themselves and added their pronouns to their name. That made sense to me, especially in the context of a live, interactive webinar, so I changed my name in Zoom to include my pronouns. I added them in LinkedIn at the same time.
The lightbulb went on in my brain as my heart rate went up, climbing a steep part of the mountain. (That's generally where I find my most meaningful ideas and inspirations.)
I remembered that about five years ago I was looking through my LinkedIn connections and realized the majority of them looked just like me. Then I took a hard look at my connections on Facebook and in real life, right here in my close community. Again, I was struck by the homogeny of what I was seeing.
Startled and disappointed, I began my work of intentionally broadening my network across political, ethnic, religious, gender identity, sexual preference, and all other communities that have significantly different life experiences from mine. Through a combination of curiosity and intention, I started to build a community that was far more diverse, not for the sake of diversity, but for the sake of inclusion, personal growth, and love.
In this time, my world has expanded and my feelings of connection have deepened. It hasn't always been easy, especially given the polarization of communities over the past 4 years. I've had to listen carefully, consider how my world view and experiences have created my biases and filters, and have experienced gentle and not-so-gentle correction for stepping in it with people I care deeply about. Our micro-aggressions run deep, that's why they can be so hard for us to see, and why it hurts when someone points it out.
(My go-to demonstration of a micro-aggression is when a bartender said to me: "You look really good for 40!" after asking to see my ID. I gently corrected him. "No need to qualify that compliment. Just tell me I look good.")
I hadn't added pronouns before because I have a very feminine name, and believe it's obvious that I identify as a woman.
When I added pronouns it wasn't for me. It isn't about me.
Whatever we share about ourselves, images, words, stories, and yes, pronouns, are all signals for the people around us.
That was it. My "ah ha" moment on the mountain.
Adding pronouns was a simple and effective signal to my network that my world is broadening,
that my love and care for people isn't despite their differences, but because of them.
Our differences aren't something to be tolerated, they're something to explore, to value, and to celebrate.
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About me
Want to see more images and videos of adventure in Montana? Follow me on Instagram, @sarahlynnelkins!
Sarah Elkins is a Gallup certified Strengths coach and consultant, and keynote speaker. She loves to guide individuals and teams toward improvement in their communication using storytelling as the foundation of her work. Her book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will, is available on bookshop.org and amazon.com, and the audiobook is available to download here. Her podcast of the same name can be found in all the usual places. She's also the President of Elkins Consulting, the company making a splash with small, face-to-face, affordable interactive conferences called No Longer Virtual.
?? Bridge Builder
3 年Listening to this podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/kelly-corrigan-wonders/id1532951390?i=1000498913893 made me think of your post and the notion of expanding one's circle.
?? Bridge Builder
3 年Wonderful post leaving me with one big question: What about you adding pronouns triggered your friend? Obviously, no answer expected.
Professional Resume Writer l LinkedIn Profile SEO l Global Experience l Resumes that Land Interviews l l Resume Writing Workshops l LinkedIn Top Resume Voice & Job Search Voice l Business Writing Seminar
3 年Thank you for this truly meaningful post, Sarah. My daughter-in-law, who is very involved in supporting members of the LBGQT community, explains the importance of cis gender people adding their pronouns. While the grammar still grates on my ears, the more important issue is respecting how people wish to be addressed. By you providing your pronouns, you normalize what’s important to people other than yourself. I salute you for that
chicken whisperer?voice-in-the-wilderness?the thinking man's circular knitting machine mechanic
3 年Yes, much the same message as my last article. Diversity is our strength, if we are willing to embrace it. Whether you embrace it with pronouns, just plain acceptance of the differences in those around you, it doesn't matter how you embrace it. But, whether you embrace it or not, it is there, and it isn't going to change. Even if you think you live in an area that has no diversity, you are so wrong. Even where all appears homogeneous, there is so much diversity under the surface. So, we can work together for a better future, or we can fight against each other.
Consultant & Trainer | Microsoft, English<>Spanish
3 年It's amazing what can happen when we take a step back out of our own heads -- as always, this is a post full of wisdom, love, and acceptance, which can bring out all those good stories to share and learn from!