My Postpartum Journey - 4th Trimester

It's been about 16 days since I gave birth to Osinachi and the question I often get is "Chioma how are you?” My response is usually 'OMO!!!’, this is because honestly I can't express how I feel but I know the top of the list is Overwhelmed!?

I had a pretty stress-free pregnancy, as I was very active up until the day of delivery (I attribute this to the yoga and workout pre and during pregnancy). No one or nothing ever prepared me for this phase 'PostPartum'.

I honestly don't know why there aren't so many discussions around the struggles of a new mom, but allow me to indulge you. All I was told during pregnancy was "get ready for sleepless nights”. In my mind, I'd say what is this sleepless night that an insomniac like me can't do? *Laughs*

Breastfeeding

My number one shock after I gave birth was breastfeeding. When it was time to feed him, nothing came out! I wasn't producing any milk!

?I struggled with carrying the baby and properly latching him on my breast. (Yes there are techniques, google). I gave birth at past 5 am and my child didn't eat until almost 10 am.

The specialists asked me to formula feed him because he had to eat! I don't remember when I last felt like a failure before that day!

This was so much of a shocker because no one had ever told me this could happen, let alone formula-feeding your baby at birth.?

The chorus before then was exclusive feeding and how important it was to breastfeed the baby, within the first few hours of birth for bonding, colostrum and all the lactation terminology you can ever think of.?

Chioma was already failing at this! I was very frustrated. I remember crying at the hospital during this period!

Guess what? I still didn't produce milk properly until the 5th day, I kept drinking pap and lactation cookies were a wonder (this helped me produce my first milk (colostrum)).?

However, after taking the cookies my breast would become engorged, and then I won't be able to feed him properly because I didn't know how to latch him well, and with poor latching comes cracked and sore nipples!! Omo, those hurt like hell, imagine, having someone continuously suck on injured skin.?

I would breastfeed him at night and he'd cry because of low supply and I'd feel so frustrated and have a meltdown too, Hubman saw shege I was slowly losing it, this was not the plan!

I started getting scared of breastfeeding because of the trauma and then felt guilty about formula feeding him. My mum would tell me, Chioma everyone knows you are trying, just do the best you can.

I can't even thank my friends and sisters enough, who would message me every day to check on me and encourage me.

Support System

So there was the battle of the experienced, my mum (mum of 5), mother-in-law (mom of 2) and I (the inexperienced).

As soon as I got home from the hospital with my mothers, they started! Chioma, you will eat Nsala soup tonight, you need something hot, we will press your stomach when you bathe, the baby needs to eat, come and feed, no cold water for you, so many things!

I just ran to my room called Hubman and broke down in tears!! I'm like oga I never even drop bag!!!

Hubman reminded me that they are all just looking out for me and this is their first grandchild (both sides) so a lot of things are out of excitement, I cleaned my tears and went out again to meet them.

It took some days to adjust and for all of us to strike a balance. But honestly, I never would have chosen a better team to be with me at this time! These women are incredible!

Naming Ceremony?

I don't think the mother was considered when the concept of the naming ceremony was put in place (I know the naming has its biblical connotation, even though, even though).

Most women are not properly healed from the sores of childbirth. Emotionally and mentally the woman is still very tired.?

I'm blessed to have a partner who planned everything from head to toe. I was a guest at that event. I didn't lift a finger, down to even shopping for my outfit and hair.?

I think the weird part of the event was having people comment about my stomach and how big it looked and how I needed to start trying and taking stuff (sigh just 8days after!).

That brings me to the next...

My Body

Pregnancy brings a lot of body changes, a lot!! I didn't add so much weight during pregnancy, but I got stretch marks. The big stomach has to go in (mummy pouch). Having to tie a postpartum belt daily (when I can abeg).

I had an episiotomy (An episiotomy is a surgical cut made in the perineum during childbirth). Which is very common in first-time births. Having to wear disposable underwear until the cut heals and bleeding stops.

Breast Engorgement for us who struggle to breastfeed. At some point, my legs began to swell (they never swelled during pregnancy), though it's gone down now. I found myself saying several of times, will I ever go back to how I was?

Anyhoo we are changing the things we can and accepting the things we can't change one day at a time.

Bonding With The Baby?

I didn't feel instantly connected to the baby! There were no sparks and butterflies in my heart, which made me feel more guilty!

I'd watch how Hubman would carry him and say I love you and do mushy stuff (Not surprising because during pregnancy, the baby always responded to him).?

I just didn't feel like his mum, I felt like his milk supplier. Because I have too many people helping as well, someone always carried him and the only time I would, was when I was called upon to give breast milk.?

I went on the internet and found that it wasn't out of the ordinary, so I started being intentional with my bonding. I would stay beside him when he was lying down or sing for him during his breastfeeding time, and then hug him at intervals or put him on my chest, I'll put my finger in his hands so he'd grab it.?

I tried to breastfeed him as much as my body allows. And I always tell him I love him. I would say I am slowly getting a hang of this.

Sleepless Nights

This one is most talked about! However, it isn't intricately talked about! Because what!!!

So Osinachi wakes up In the middle of the night and sucks for 1 hour (he takes his time),? if you stop feeding he'll cry, he then wakes every 2 hours interval and repeats the process.

We just catch as much sleep as we can, when he sleeps we sleep. Sometimes I'm feeding him at night and dozing off.

I can't count how many times I had a meltdown because of sleep deprivation, and then sometimes I'll turn and see my bobo (Hubman) sleeping off! Anger!!! The way I'll wake him in annoyance ehn! You will not sleep and leave me here oh. Trust hubs to take on the baton, singing, dancing and trying to?play with him.

Osi and being awake at night 5 & 6. Just feed him and you are good. They say boys eat a lot more than girls.?

Final Notes

Lastly, questioning myself; Is this my reality now? Would I have to always consider this child in every decision I make? What happens to me? Who am I??

There was anger brewing from this. Then some days ago, while in prayer God revealed to me that motherhood/parenthood is a divine assignment. God chose me to be a mum because he found me capable of handling it. In due time clarity around this and every other aspect of my life would come, but this is a new phase, one I should embrace as I would embrace other milestones in my life.

Even between hubs and I, it has been so intense the past couple of weeks, we reminded ourselves that we've got this and we would continue to intentionally build a healthy and loving family for ourselves and our son.

God's got me and God's got us!

P.S

For those expecting or planning to be a mum in future, I hope this gives you some insight into the postpartum journey.

Everyone's experience is different, this is my experience and I am still experiencing. However, always remember not to be too hard on yourself, Do the best you can, every single thing would be all right!?

I look forward to sharing more of my experiences! God's Got You!!! To all mothers, I salute you. May God continue to give you the strength to carry on.

Amen!

Dr Seun Fakorede, R.Eng, MNSE, MASCE #motherhood #postpartum #mentalhealth #4thtrimest