My Poor Memory Has Limited Me All My Life

The other day I read an online comment from a woman with inattentive ADHD.?She hated that it took her four tries to get out of the house.?She kept returning for items she forgot.?She received sympathetic comments from numerous people who understood her frustration as they too had memory problems. It sounds comical, but imagine spending your life returning to your home four times after you left it because you forgot things.?This is a frequent occurrence for people with inattentive ADHD. We are amazingly forgetful.?We are annoyingly forgetful.?We are despairingly forgetful.?

My first recollection of a memory problem was when I took piano lessons. I was 12 and my sister was 14.?I never progressed beyond the beginner’s level because I couldn’t memorize the pieces.?I played only as fast as I could sight-read, and I had trouble sight-reading the notes for the left hand.??I didn’t understand what held me back. I just knew I took piano lessons as long as my sister, but she was now a skilled pianist while I continued to frustrate our piano teacher with my limited progress.?

In my freshman year at college, I took beginning German, even though I had studied it for two years in high school!?I didn’t remember enough to pass the German language test at college, and I had to have a language credit to graduate.?But ever after, I told myself, “Don’t try.?You can’t learn a foreign language.” Even when I spent a year in a small African country, I didn’t learn any words in the local language.?When traveling for three weeks in China, I couldn’t remember how to say, “Hello” or “Thank you” in Mandarin.??On vacation in Mexico, I never got beyond saying “Gracia” and “Por for vor.”?When I think of my failures learning foreign languages, I am astonished to be proficient in English!

For tests where I had to read a short article before answering questions, I read the article and couldn’t remember what I read.?I read the article a second time, and sometimes a third time, before I was able to answer the questions, and even then, I couldn’t be sure I had the answers right!??History is another subject I avoid.?Since graduating from college, I haven’t read a single history book. Remembering dates, battles, and leaders was an insurmountable problem and my history grade was never better than a gentlemen’s C.??

Years later, after my diagnosis with inattentive ADHD, ?I heard a talk by Lynn Weiss, Ph.D., the first person to write a book about ADHD in adults.?She said, “You can learn anything. ?You just have to do it in a way that works for you.”?With this in mind, I thought I could conquer playing a musical instrument. I bought a guitar and signed up for lessons.?But after a year with little progress, I threw in the proverbial towel.?I couldn’t memorize the notes, and without memorizing the notes, my playing was slow and painful. My dream of playing a classical guitar proved delusional. ?

Choosing what audiobooks on CDs to play on long car trips, again, revealed my memory challenges.?Our local library had over 300 audiobooks, and twice I choose ones I already heard.?I didn’t realize it until I popped in the first disk, and realized, “I’ve heard this before.!”?I hadn’t remembered the cover or the title.?Nothing told me, “You’ve already listened to this.”?Usually, I remember the name of a book I have read. If a friend recommends a book, I might say,?“I’ve already read it.” Then she asks, “ What’s it’s about?” ?and I reply, “I can’t remember.”

I am curious why people with inattentive ADHD have poor memories, to such a degree that it is listed as one of the symptoms in the DSM-V, i. e. Is often forgetful in daily tasks.?I couldn’t find much research that explained why one person has a steel trap for a memory while another has a sieve.?Genetics and dopamine seem to have a role and implementing memory strategies makes a difference.??

When I read the usual tips for remembering, I better understood why people with inattentive ADHD have poor memories. We are unable to execute most of these tips.?If I were back in college with my undiagnosed inattentive ADHD and was taught these tips, I would have freaked out, knowing they were impossible for me to implement.??

Tip 1. Focus Your Attention (Ha!)

Tip 2. Avoid Cramming (Ha again!)

Tip 3. Structure and Organize the Material (All that work to memorize something???)

Tip 4. Utilize Mnemonic Devices (Come up with a rhyme, song, or joke to help me remember each segment of information.?That sounds like too much effort. )

Tip 5. Elaborate and Rehearse (Read the definition of a key term, study the definition of that term, and then read a more detailed description of what that term means. After repeating this process a few times, you’ll probably notice that recalling the information is much easier…Oh, no!—More?boring work! Are you kidding me?)

Tip 6. Visualize Information ( Pay attention to the photographs, charts, and other graphics in your textbooks. If you don't have visual cues to help, try creating your own. Draw charts or figures in the margins of your notes or use highlighters or pens in different colors to group related ideas in your written study materials. You expect me to do all this?? I don’t have time! )

Tip 7. Relate New Information to Things You Already Know ( You can dramatically increase the likelihood of recalling the recently learned information by establishing relationships between new ideas and previously existing memories. This one sounds doable.)

Tip 8. Read Out Loud ( Reading materials out loud significantly improves your memory of the material. I could do this, but only if I have to read it just once.)

Tip 9. Pay Extra Attention to Difficult Information (Pay extra attention?? When I am struggling to even pay attention?)

Tip 10. Vary Your Study Routine ( By adding an element of novelty to your study sessions, you can increase the effectiveness of your efforts and significantly improve your long-term recall. This sounds fun. I like variety.?)

Tip 11. Get Some Sleep (Sleep is important for memory and learning. Good advice but what about ADHD and sleep problems?)?

https://www.verywellmind.com/great-ways-to-improve-your-memory-2795356 ??

Nootropics are also known as ‘cognitive enhancers’ are drugs that some people use in an attempt to improve memory, increase mental alertness and concentration as well as boost energy levels and wakefulness. https://adf.org.au/drug-facts/cognitive-enhancers/ ??In addition to various supplements, stimulants used to treat ADHD are also nootropics.?Should I conclude that all the years I took a stimulant for my inattentive ADHD my memory was the best it could be??That is sad news indeed.

So, over the years, I learned to not rely on my memory. If I need to remember a phone number, the title of a book or movie, or an address I write it down.?If I read instructions for making a change on the computer, I print it out.?Otherwise, as soon as I leave the screen with the instructions, I forget what I just read.

People with ADHD are told to write things down and not count on their memory. Sometimes I tell myself, “That is such a simple thing to remember.?I’m sure I will remember it.”?Then my voice of wisdom, my voice of experience, says, “Don’t be silly.?Write it down.?Don’t take a chance you’ll forget.” However, I just read an article about long Covid in which people have brain fog for months after their initial sickness.??Medical personnel has discovered that people’s brain fog lessens and their memories improve if they focus on using their memory.?Because of brain plasticity, when people work on remembering, they create new connections in their brains, and their memory improves.?

Now I wonder, “Did I make my memory problems worse by not trying??By giving up too soon?” ?Going forward, I will use a two-prong approach, continue to write things down, but when there is an opportunity to remember something (with easy access to the information again in case I do forget) I will work on remembering.?I will focus on one small memory improvement step at a time.?Maybe I won’t get better, but it might prevent me from getting worse.???