My Personal Paradoxical Commandments

Don’t give up on others or yourself anyway.

Niklas G?ke shared one of my favorite articles in recent memory about a concept Kent Keith created called his “Paradoxical Commandments.” Nik shares the ten mindset shifts that one must have if they want to live a life that defies expectations and deviates from the norm.

1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.

2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.

3. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.

4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.

6. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.

7. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

9. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.

10. Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.

After reading most personal development articles, I usually either nod my head in agreement or shake my head because there’s something I’d like to add or dispute. But this article about paradoxical commandments forced me to take action. I think this is the sign of a great piece. When it gets you up and running, thinking, ready to run through a brick wall, you know the writer did his or her job. Nik sure did his job, and he got me to create my own paradoxical commandments based on what I have experienced in my life. I like to be a little bit different, so I split mine up into commandments on others, and commandments on myself.

I highly encourage you to create your own paradoxical commandments after reading Nik’s or my piece.

5 Commandments on What I Must Do for Others Anyway

1. People will disappoint you and let you down. Support them anyway.

I built a relationship last year with somebody over LinkedIn. We had monthly phone calls, I invited him to be on my podcast, I shared his work on my email list. He was turning into one of those friends we sometimes call just to say hey.

When my book came out a few months ago, I thought it was without question that he’d be a supporter. But a text message went unread, a call went unanswered, and an email went unseen. He was nowhere to be found during my launch.

Fast forward to about a month later, and he was doing a fundraising campaign. He reached out asking if I’d support. Sure, he disappointed me and let me down, but I will not let that change who I am. So, you know what I did? I supported him anyway.

2. People will question why you do the things you do. Do good things for others anyway.

A friend of mine was having a party on a Saturday afternoon. When I told him I couldn’t make it, he got confrontational, interrogating me as to why I would miss out on such an event. I told him that I had a prior obligation volunteering for the Special Olympics, and to my surprise, he again questioned why I would be involved in such a thing. “At least don’t do that on the weekends.” I remember him saying.

He told me how much fun I’d be missing out on, and he even told me I wasn’t being a good friend. But you know what I did? I did something good anyway.

3. People will shy away from what makes them feel scared. Be vulnerable with others anyway.

I had a coaching client who was afraid to let go of his masculine persona. He never wanted to let his guard down. I thought that in order to show him what it was like to be vulnerable, I’d open up to him about a story from my past that made me the way that I am.

He resisted, telling me he didn’t want to hear it. He was afraid that if I shared, it would ruin our work together. But I don’t care about work. I care about life. So, even though he told me not to, I shared my story. I was vulnerable anyway.

4. People will antagonize you and try to get a response. Be calm with others anyway.

I was walking off the subway platform in New York City a while back, and I passed a chatty homeless man. When I looked his way and smiled, he proceeded to hock a giant loogie in my direction. I stopped. Then he decided he wanted to throw some napkins at me and tell me to clean it up. He was looking for me to react.

All I did was pick up a napkin that was closest to me and throw it in the garbage. Even though he was trying to get me to retaliate, I stayed calm anyway.

5. People will push you away and make you feel unwanted. Help them anyway.

I remember doing some volunteer work with children in an underprivileged neighborhood in Chicago. There was one little guy who never wanted to play or get help with his homework. Each day I’d show up, and he’d run away wanting to be by himself.

But I never stopped. I knew that people are not best if left alone. We all need support. Even though he thought he could do everything on his own, I still always lent a hand. I helped him anyway.

5 Commandments on What I Must Do for Myself Anyway

1. People will tell me to be more realistic. I must dream anyway.

I truly want to change the world. I know that this is what I’m meant to do. With my big plans and aspirations, I am often told to be realistic. I disagree. I must dream anyway.

2. People will tell me to stop. I must keep going anyway.

After another failed attempt at a startup company, my professor told me that maybe it was time to try a different path. Maybe it was time to try the traditional job search process. But this was not what my intuition was telling me. I kept going anyway.

3. People will tell me to do something more stable. I must create anyway.

As a writer, it’s common that others tell me to maybe try and find something a little more stable in my life. There is too much uncertainty they tell me. But uncertainty is where creation gets its wings. I must create anyway.

4. People will tell me that my dreams will not come true. I must believe anyway.

I had a call recently with somebody who said, “You really thing you’re going to make a living selling books? I don’t see how that’s possible.” Others will not be able to see what we can see. They do not have the drive that we have. Others not living their own dream will tell us we can’t live ours. I must believe anyway.

5. People will tell me that I am not enough. I must give the best I can anyway.

A few years ago, I was turned down after a job interview. I didn’t have enough of what they were looking for they said. That was okay by me, because I knew I did everything within my control to prepare for that interview. I gave the best I could anyway.

If you want to standout in this world, you must be willing to go against popular opinion. You must be able to respectfully disagree. You have to realize that everybody is standing on one side of the room, and you have the courage to stand on the other, if it is truly what you believe in. Create your own personal paradoxical commandments to remind yourself that you must embrace your differences. This way, your life will be filled with meaning.

I use my imagitivetation to imagine, interpret, create and implement the life of my dreams. 

Join me to live yours.